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Lost 2: The Sequel


Stencils118

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So today I was fired from my job. I kind of knew it was coming, it's been building for about a week now. The awkwardness, the paranoid feeling of people talking about you behind your back. The boss being completely off with you, other colleagues who would once chat to you no longer giving you the time of day. Felt very cast out. Almost as though they knew something I didn't. I thought about just leaving by my own will to stop the horrible feelings but the firing came before I could. 
I spent the journey home thinking about it, the time in the shower and now. I can't tell if I'm sad, numb or relieved.
Maybe I'm all of the above?
- Sad because yet again I've proven to myself that I'm useless and worthless.
- Numb as an after feeling to the above and;
- Relieved because I don't have to saturate anymore in that horrible atmosphere and intense worry.
..that said though, I am now unemployed, more emotionally scarred with an extra added self doubt and even more lost on what to do, how to feel and why the hell I am such a f**king loser.

I know this will pass, but my self-worth and doubt within myself has been confirmed yet again. 
Life continues to be a struggle.

~ A Troubled Traveller,

 

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I totally relate to this, bud. The only thing worse than going to work at a dead-end job and saturating in the misery (as you so aptly put it) is the fear that comes from unemployment. I'll be holding a good thought for you...I wish I could do more than that. People like us...we feel like outcasts and losers not because we are those things, but because "normal" people take their normalcy for granted and simply don't understand us square pegs. A person would never choose to think and feel and experience things the way we do, but we don't have a choice about it. I empathize, and if you ever need to talk, message me. I should be around, if I don't let a moment of sanity overwhelm me and dunk my head in the fryer instead of the basket of french fries I'm supposed to be cooking.

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It's horrible that we feel like this but, I'm glad to know there's other people out there who know what it means to live day to day life with these struggles. It's so tough working amongst people who just don't get it.. or don't even think remotely about it. Can't blame people for not thinking something that's constantly relentlessly on our minds though hey

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