im so utterly convinced that i dont matter or count to others. and i know that shouldnt matter to me, and i shouldnt care what, if anything, other people think of me and i should concentrate on what i think of myself. however...ive given up on me. ive been fighting for 25 years, and i have absolutely nothing to show for it. my life isnt anywhere where i hoped and tried to get it to.
i dont know what to do anymore or how to help myself any further.
my "short term" tactics, are just that...short term...and its not healthy, but its my only out most days.
i dont sleep
i dont get a break from "myself"
ive lost the power to push myself to go out
im at a loss