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She


Invisible Princess

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29/5/17

I can sit and watch the world go by without even seeing it. 

I can look at my reflection in the mirror and not recognise the person staring back at me.

I can feel both so much and so little all at the same time, yet I can't feel what those feeling are trying to tell me. I couldn't tell you what's going on in my brain, or which type of chemicals are flowing in my bloodstream to induce some feeling.

 

But it takes so little to bring me crashing back down to reality. 

Then everything returns to normal.

I smile, I laugh, I feel...

My friends and family take me back to a life of normality and I can live it without even thinking about that girl who is unsure about anything and everything.

But all that does is make me question. Everything. I cannot help but look back in the mirror and in my reflection all I see is a girl making excuses. A  girl who is just ungrateful for all the opportunities she's been given, and the opportunities she's wasting. 

There's a spark in her eye that hasn't quite gone out yet, a spark from not too long ago, but far enough away that it seems like an eternity to her. She occasionally feels the spark ignite further and it warms her to new ideas, encourages her to work harder, live more in reality. But the spark never quite becomes a flame to fuel her. She eventually loses sight of it again, and she becomes dark again, with no light to guide her. She wastes away her chances and time like she has an infinite amount, but she isn't stupid. So one feeling she does have left is regret. Regret for everything she knows she is capable of yet cannot seem to reach. Whilst she plans her future one step at a time she is already preparing herself to see it blown away at a pace she cannot keep up with, she chases it everyday, but its always one step ahead. Her blind faith keeps her running but with little hope she doesn't see how she will ever catch up. She doesn't see how she can be blown along with her dreams and fly away with them. She just sees the ground...

 

She hears voices that say they don't want to do this anymore. They're too tired from running everyday. It's been at least a year, with very few day for rest and recuperation. The voices tell her she should just give up, but she doesn't believe in that. All she wants is to remove herself from herself, to just be without being, feel without feeling.

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