first, this site confuses me now. it's not easy to get around anymore. I dont even see the login when i come to this page. Once it took me 30 minutes to find my blog and then figure out how to post.
anyway, today has been a bleah day. i have a job now, part time. it's ok, just started. im lonely. i have no friends. there is no one to talk to. the ritalin has me up and down, sleepy and down. i hate it. i stopped being a christian. i admit it. i got tired of trying to figure out what it was all about. i got tired of seeing people i love suffer, and for all the help i could possible give them, it was still not enough. despite their faith it seems like their god has shut them out. hw long? i don't know. i figure any god who ignores the cries of his people cant be all that. or anything at all. i just dont know. life just is. god isnt guiding me here and there. god isnt blessing me and leaving those who are needier out. it just is what it is. my sister is desperate yet faithful. but god remains silent. i wont. ill help her. ill give her what i have and even what i don't. i wont turn my back on her. i dont know why her god did.