Lately it feels like I have been stuck in this rut... it is so much easier to stay in bed and accomplish nothing.. distract myself all day long.. lately it's just been going to appointments.. mainly therapy.. shopping whenever I need things.. then going home.. I said this year would be different.. that I would reach out to friends more.. but here I sit still stuck.. like I am waiting for the next disaster.. that is how I got myself into this pattern.. for a number of years I was moving from place to place.. no steady place to stay.. I didn't want to commit to anything because the moment I did something would go wrong and I would have to stop everything and handle a crisis.. now I rent a room at a friends place.. I still have this fear I am going to be kicked out at any point as it was never meant to be an arrangement to for on for 4 years.. we have had issues in the past where they indicated I should find another place to live.. nothing recent at all.. its like day in and day out goes by... and I am tired.. I am tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop.. so today I am telling myself that I am going to stop this cycle and start doing the things I need to do to be more stable in life.. I named this blog the sun will rise again.. because it does.. every day is a chance to start over.. I can do this.. I will do this.