Ok, so maybe I'm the traitor and not my body. I don't go to sleep when I should. I don't work out as much as I could. And I give in to sugar and carb cravings far too often. I know I should really be mad at myself and not my body. Two years ago, I miraculously reached my goal weight and I was so happy. I fit into a pair of jeans I hadn't been able to get into for years, and I even posted on Facebook about it. After that, I started to get lazy. I stopped working out everyday and recording everything I ate. So I gradually started gaining weight again. Now I weigh more than I did when I started my weight loss journey the first time. And I'm far less motivated because I know how easy it is to gain it all back after all that hard work.
It doesn't help that I have random aches and pains. My left leg in particular sometimes bothers me, burning from the inside from the knee down. Sometimes when I try to go on long walks, my feet go numb, which is pretty scary. I've also gotten the most painful splints as I've tried to get back into walking.Two weeks ago, I hurt the muscle in my upper arm and it still hasn't gone back to normal. All this doesn't help my motivation. Add to that, that no longer how long I sleep, I still wake up tired. I can't even remember if there was ever I time when I used to wake up refreshed. Usually I gain more energy as the day goes on, so that I'm the most awake at night. So then I don't want to go back to sleep, and the cycle continues.
I know the answer is to push myself to workout regularly and watch what I eat. I'm just so frustrated and unmotivated. I'm just venting here, I suppose. Maybe if I "talk" about it, I'll be able to push myself more. I also have to change my relationship with food, but that's hard when it's one of my few true pleasures in life. Health food is expensive, and doesn't always satisfy me. I'm going to have to figure something out eventually, or just stop caring.