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My Old Friend

Lady Mozzer


I am a nobody not that I ever wanted to be a somebody.All I ever really wanted out of life is to content,safe and comfortable.But  instead I am afraid.I am afraid of everything.I`m tired of being afraid.I`m tired of struggling everyday and worrying about everything.I want a life and sometimes I even want someone to love.But time is passing by everyday and those things seem way out of reach for me.Who would want someone like me anyway?

Sometimes I really want to go to my old coping method.You see I used to hurt myself to get relief from this thing.I haven`t done it in a really long time and I promised someone that I would never do it again.Sometimes I get so tired though.I keep everything locked up inside.I am a very shy person and I don`t like to let out my feelings and let others know how I am feeling.If someone asks me "How are you doing today?" I just say I`m okay.I guess a lot of people do that.I keep everything bottled up inside and I don`t let things out.I don`t have that release anymore and I know it`s weird but I kind of miss it sometimes.I still have my tools but I am trying very hard to keep that promise besides I don`t need those reminders that are left behind every time I hurt myself.They are ugly and I try to keep them hidden but it`s hard because there they are.I also don`t like explaining them it makes me very uncomfortable.I mean really...how can you explain that? I just usually say oh that was an accident.Whether they buy or not I don`t know.Anyway I hate that it makes me feel like they can look inside and see my soul.....like I said before I hate that.It`s a struggle though the question should I or should I not.Lately it`s been hold on wait a minute and then the moment`s gone.I still miss it a little though it`s sometimes feels like an old friend.You know the one you could always count on to be there when you needed them.Of course I know it`s not my friend and it`s not a good way to cope.But that`s what I did and I will wear the reminders of that for the rest of my life.


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