For the past two weeks I have been trying to attend a Depression and Anxiety Support Group. I found it through Meetup.com in late January. I couldn't make the meeting last week because of crap that came up with my family. This week I could have gone but I was so depressed, plus I had my period, plus I was just terrified at the thought of going to this place and having to share a bit of my story to all these strangers face to face. What would I say to them? What would they think of me? I felt I would be judged and I felt like I'm annoying the coordinator because this is the 2nd time I've missed the meeting. I told one of my close friends at work that I was going and he was really excited for me because I am getting help. Now I have to tell him I did not go and for some reason I feel disappointment at that. I am so angry at myself. New members are not allowed in until March and I just really needed to talk to people. I have been extremely low lately and I feel like I need help. I am still on a waiting list for this affordable counseling center that I found. Who knows when I will be able to get in to that.
I am just so mad at myself. I am angry I have to wait too. I had so much anxiety though and even though these people are all dealing with Depression and Anxiety I feel like maybe they won't be able to help me. Maybe it will not help me. How much am I supposed to tell them? I am horrible at opening up to people. I am to just trust these random people with my thoughts? Especially face to face. That is really daunting to me. They will all be looking at me while I speak and the thought just gives me anxiety. One person is hard enough but a whole group of people...the idea freaks me out. I am honestly really scared. I think if I start talking...to hear myself out-loud, talking about my struggle, I will just cry. What happens if I start crying in front of all of them?
The coordinator probably thinks I am wasting his time now.
I am so mad at myself though. I should have gone. I need help.
I have to wait 3 weeks til I can join now.
Its no one's fault but my own though.