Today February 10th 2017,
It sure is a day where I think I'm going to try to give myself a break.. even if my house does fall apart... ?
I'm a mom of my two wonderful Boys D and A, also the wife of J. My family is always first. Always. I have depression and high level anxiety and I guess this is why I'm writing this blog. The blog is my days with depression and anxiety. My struggles of the day or the days that have been fantastic.
Today so far has been I guess you could say relaxing 3 kids today my two boys and my neighbors daughter.
(my neighbor and her girls are living with me since their apartment had a fire so they will be here for a few weeks, I also watch her daughters before their fire as well)
these 3 are crazy together but such sweethearts.
Today is my try to relax day and so far it's been good. I've been laying on the couch trying not to worry about the apartment or the worries I always have... today... is a battle day.. my head goes to war as I ignore all my worries and problems.. we'll try to.
I'm watching some cartoons with the kids while I lay their and they play in their pjs and play with toys and play hide and seek.
Its hard to ignore all these worries I always have it hurts my head (gives me a splitting headache) I constantly still fell like someone is gripping the middle of my spine with super inhuman strength that just won't let go while a snake climbs up my back.
ignoring these thoughts so far really isnt as easy as people make it seem for me.. I feel like I'm behind a door I'm trying to close as anxiety pushes back on it to keep it open trying to get in... I'm starting to really struggle...
i hear what I usually do here and there when he busts the door open just a little.. I'm not enough... I will not win... your a bad mother....
it just keeps pushing its way in...
(will continue after I feed my boys and little ms. A lunch.