I wanted to make this a forum post but I couldn't seem to find the appropriate forum.
Lately I've been very frustrated with my job. It's been mildly frustrating since I started, almost three years ago, but the frustration has been getting rapidly worse and I am starting to feel a lot of anger. I want to switch jobs but I'm afraid to start looking because I have been in such an angry mood that I don't know if I'm making good decisions. And then I feel anxiety. I'm not included on any decisions that end up directly affecting my job, even though I have 20 years of expertise that could be helpful to them in making these decisions. Because of the growth of the company, I'm not sitting with my department co-workers, but with another department. What ends up happening is that I'm forgotten about by my own department and the people I sit near don't consider me part of their team so I never hear about things that are happening in my company. I also don't get included at lunchtime. I don't blame the people I sit with but I'm angry at the others in my department. I am also the only one in the company who does my job, so when I run into problems with the actual work I have nobody to turn to for help. My boss, who is not the one that hired me but a replacement who came after I was there a year, does not seem to like me, so I know that I can't go to him to voice any concerns. In fact he has actually said at one point that he doesn't like to hear about people's problems.
So I'm angry, I'm depressed, I'm anxious... I stayed home "sick" today. Could this have anything to do with the fact that I lost my mother in March of last year and then I lost one of my best friends (my cat, but he was more than a cat!) unexpectedly in December, just one month ago? Is that why I'm having trouble coping? I cry almost every day and my thoughts at night are very dark.
How can I face a job search in this frame of mind?