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A Little Light Pokes Through The Clouds

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evalynn

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I was in high school, trying to convince my parents to let me stay home because I wasn't prepared for my classes....and then I was woken up by my husband for the second time to get ready for my psychiatrist appointment. Admittedly, I was more than a little peeved about having to go to the appointment. It's about that time when I start feeling like no medication will work, and I'm just wasting time and money. Also--I don't know why--but I feel a little embarrassed and uncomfortable when I have to tell the doctor that I don't feel any difference. I wonder if maybe I'm just not noticing the change, or if I'm doing something wrong. So when she explained that I was still on a low dose and that we could increase it, I was a little more hopeful. Since I have a lot of anxiety, it stands to reason I would require a high dosage of whatever I'm on to combat it.

I'm glad too that my psychiatrist is so easy to talk to. She has a really friendly and sincere demeanor, so I can ask her questions that I couldn't ask most of my past doctors. For one, I told her about  my out of control eating and anxiety regarding food, and she suggested a medication that could help with my cravings. She had a prescription card to give me, so the first month will be free and the second only $15. Secondly, I brought up the baby question. I was really nervous to ask her if I should even try to get pregnant while on antidepressants. She explained that certain medications and doses are OK after the first trimester, and that it's something that we can work around when the time comes. More importantly, I expressed how scared I am that I won't be able to handle motherhood. She assured me that she thinks I'd be a good mother, and that my OCD is the likely culprit scaring me from trying. I really needed to hear that.

All in all it was a pretty good day. My parents came by so my dad could lay down some boards in the attic, I got a nap in, and we went grocery shopping at Target. I got yummy olive hummus which I just indulged in, and now I'm hoping to resist eating any bingeing before I go to sleep. I will definitely be picking up that new med tomorrow to see if it helps with that. 

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