Anger in the face of constant disappointment, self-hate, helplessness and allround nihilism.
The feel of not being taken seriously.
The apparent disinterest in my case as a potential bipolar/bpd. Being shoved back to the end of the line, not getting the chance to say anything about the matter.
Treating mental health. I'd laugh if it wasn't dead serious. Emphasis on dead.
Constant pain, wandering all over my body.
This time it's my shin. Ankle. Foot.
At the moment I have trouble walking. I walk 50 yards and I feel someone has stuck a white hot iron bar in the place of my shinbone, pain searing down my ankle to my my big toe. Then I feel the numbness.
Fk this crap, this constant pain of seven years. In my body.
In my spirit too. But the spiritual turmoil has been around way longer.
The vacuum where a soul should be. I'm dead inside.
So to compensate, I rage. Selfharm.
A short but intense beating I gave myself just two hours ago. So now my head hurts too.
I'm in hell and there is no way out.