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Why to never think positive....


artistic tendencies

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So I never try to think positive, when I do things tend to take a turn for the worse, or go the opposite of what I want. In this latest case it is my financial situation. So I have been struggling for the past few years since being unemployed. Well I was out with friends I haven't hungout with in quite some time. I had done some calculating and I seem to maybe have caught up with my back bills. I had this feeling something was off but I told my friends that I may have caught up with bills. Well I got home that night and my internet was not working and some lights on my modem were not on. Well first thing I think is "oh yeah" the cable/internet bill, I am behind on this where I normally have to call them not to cut me off and I overdraw on my bank account. Well I got onto the provider's site and I definitely was behind by quite some time. So I overdrew my account and waited for my internet to come back on. Well it did not come back on and I had to call the provider. First a robot tried to help me figure out my issue then I finally got a person. We tried everything and nothing worked. Before we hung up he told me I would need a new router.

I decided to mess around some more with all the internet components and see what was going on. Well it turns out that the router was turned off thanks to the power bar we have. The power bar shows a green light (which to me says it is working and on). That is not the case, the light stays on no matter if the power bar is on or not. Well my roommate doing something earlier in the day, accidently turned it off. so for a couple of hours I was going nuts for no reason. The best part is I get everything connected together again (there is a lot of wiring through walls that had to be fixed several times. Well once that was done and I put everything together I lost internet in my room again. The wire going from the router to my computer was not working. Luckily there was a wire at work I took home. Well what had happened to my wire was that I put a screw through it when I put the wire covers back onto the wall, the wire some how got behind the screw and bang there goes the internet. So now I am back on the internet nearly $400 dollars in the hole (for no real reason right now) and there are still bills to be paid somehow.

I know internet is not that important but it is in this day and age. There are no jobs being offered that are not done through the internet. I have tried the library thing but people as always ruined that. I would be filling out an application in the quiet room and someone was staring over my shoulder reading what I was doing. I quickly covered the screen turned to the guy and told him in a very loud voice to back the eff up. I signed out of the computer and never went back.

So to review the current situation, I thought I was mostly caught up on my bills, I was not. I thought my internet/cable bill was overdue and the service was turned off so I made the large required payment to pay the bill, which turned out it was my roommate who accidently turned off the router. And I have now accidently put myself further behind than I was a few months ago which means I am back to square one. On top of that, I need to borrow money from my friend during the week so I can go down to see my mom for thanksgiving because I have no more money in my account.

Well at least I have a toothache, haven't had one of those in awhile.

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Sorry for your situation at hand. I know when things tend to go wrong in my own life, I can be more negative. Generally speaking though, I thought this quote is appropriate, which I posted on my own blog in a recent entry on shifting from the negative to the positive:

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It's not thoughts that are controlling me it's this terrible life I have. I am a realist so to fake myself into believing things are good or going to get better is impossible. When literally nothing good has happened in your life you get a different outlook on things. You live in a world that is real that isn't lollipops and rainbows. There is good people, bad people, lucky people, skilled people, talented people, smart people, funny people, good looking people, ugly people, poor people, rich people and combinations of these people. I know who I am in the grand scheme of things, not negative thoughts just realistic ones. 

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