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I suggest we learn to love ourselves before it's made illegal



It's lunch with partner's family today; or rather his grandfather, the grandfather's wife, his half-brother and the latter's long-term girlfriend. It's an unusual family dynamic if you have not noticed. My partner and his half-brother (as well as his other, natural brother) are not on speaking terms with their dad for many (many) good reasons. I can't say I'm looking forward to the lunch but I rarely look forward to anything that entails me leaving the house nowadays. Who knows; the fresh air might do me some good. I can't stay holed up in the kitchen forever. Yesterday was a very successful cooking day: I made two banana cakes, a shepherd's pie and ravioli sauce. I was cooking for at least six hours and felt quite in my element. It was a good day; I had very few suicidal thoughts and since I was feeling less depressed I had more motivation than I'd had in ages. I also managed to stay away from the bottle; a huge plus. 

This morning I managed to drag my sorry ass into the shower by 7.00 a.m.. I hadn't showered since Wednesday. That means I had two showers this week; no improvement on last week then. I know how gross that sounds. I wish I had more incentive to wash more often. I do the pits and crotch everyday, but daily full-body showers haven't been on my agenda for at least a month. At least I still have it in me to brush my teeth twice a day (at least). I'm a bit fussy with oral hygiene like that. On a more positive note I managed to exfoliate and moisturise today. It had been so long I forgot I even had a loofah. I might actually find some time to sort out my eyebrows if I can keep this up!

Ever since I reneged on my Facebook I am missing chatting to a 'friend' I grew quite close to over the past year and a half or so; we'll call him Robert. We've known each other socially for about seven years but never had the opportunity to talk about anything that isn't trivial for the larger part of that time. After I came out as bisexual with him we started talking about more personal matters and he admitted he has also gone through some dark times and has battled depression. We're very different people but I felt like we could 'get' each other in that sense. Part of me wants to reach out, but then I think what's the point? I'm finding it so hard to be friends with myself, let alone someone else. If he ever needs to reach out he has my number and he knows I'll be there.

My sex drive is so crap nowadays. I do worry what toll it might be having on my relationship even though my partner is very patient and understanding. Although he suffers from depression too it hasn't hit his sex drive as hard as mine's been hit by the multiple medications. 


(9:16 a.m.)

I took some time out from this entry to have a cuddle with my partner and sort my face out. My eyebrows look decent for the first time in a month and a half! I also cleansed, toned and moisturised and put leave-in conditioner in my hair! I know these sound like the most pathetic of feats, but for someone who hasn't had enough energy to shower regularly as of late it's a bit of a personal triumph. I might actually manage a coat of mascara later on.

I rediscovered Incubus recently; Robert turned me on to them again after sharing 'S.C.I.E.N.C.E.' on his page. Boyd is in his 40s and still as fine as hell. 

I want to treat myself more kindly today, especially since tomorrow I have to trek to the office to finalise the details concerning my new work arrangements. I'll admit I'm nervous. I left the office in quite a state and I'm not entirely sure if any of my colleagues will be pleased to see me since it happened very suddenly. I thought of messaging the head lady in our office in advance to check if my presence would be appreciated. I don't feel like awkward charades.



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Since you're beautifying yourself and your hair today, here is some worthless information to entertain you. Trivia holds the world together.  :flowers:

  • According to research by the great, scientific minds at Clairol Perfect 10, women are happiest at the age of 28. 
  • The age of 28 has been pinpointed as the time in a woman’s life their hair looks the best, body shape is at its peak and confidence is at an all-time high.
  • It was found that women have six bad hair days a month 
  • Average number of hairs on the head: 100,000
  • Average number of hairs on the head: 100,000 
  • Red hair: 90,000
  • Black hair: 110,000
  • Blond hair: 140,000
  • Maximum length of hair: 70 to 90 cm
  • Annual growth: 12 cm
  • Female hair grows more slowly than male hair (wouldn’t you just know it)
  • Male hair is more dense than female hair (ditto)
  • Lifespan of hair: 2 to 7 years
  • Diameter of hair: 0.1 mm
  • Humidity stretches the hair
  • Combing is less detrimental than brushing
  • Correct shampooing will not dry out the hair
  • Frequent washing does not increase loss of hair
  • Hair grows faster in warm weather
  • Elderly people have slower hair growth and diminished hair density
  • Cutting hair does not influence its growth
  • Split ends can not be repaired and need to be cut
  • Wet hair should not be rubbed since hair is very sensitive
  • Hair is the fastest growing tissue in the body, second only to bone marrow.
  • The average scalp has 100,000 hairs. Redheads have the least at 80,000; brown and black haired persons have about 100,000; and blondes have the most at 120,000.
  • 90% of scalp hairs are growing and 10% are resting.
  • It is normal to lose 100 hairs per day from the scalp.
  • You must lose over 50% of your scalp hairs before it is apparent to anyone.
Edited by rainingviolets
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I'm glad that you're having what could be considered a decent day. They can be like tiny islands in a stormy sea, and it's great that you can appreciate them for what they are. I'll say it again - your level of honesty and self-awareness is a very refreshing and welcome thing to me. And despite all of the challenges you're facing right now, I find you to be very positive and even optimistic in the face of it all. I already see you as something of a role model and someone I can look up to and maybe model my behavior and thought patterns after a little. Just because I'm currently on a peak in my never-ending series of peaks and valleys called my life, I know that it won't be forever and I'll be in the valley again before too long. I'm saving up everything I'm absorbing and learning from my DF friends in anticipation of it, and I want you to know that I think you're something of an inspiration to me. I wish you continued success and good luck...I know it may feel like you're barely hanging on, but I am reading a lot of hope and positivity between the lines in your posts. I commend you for being as strong as you are and I want you to hang in there! I feel like a better person for "knowing" you, even through the small part of your life you share on your blog. Thank you for sharing your experience and strength with us here on DF :thumbsup:

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