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death

zdude954

Entry posted by zdude954 ·

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Has anyone else thought about what people do or think about when you die? I do and I have. To think about when people get the news your dead and gone, how many people are going to miss you? How many people will know I am even gone? How many people even care? Who will saddened by this news? Who might even be glad to hear it? I have thought about all those things, and even people on here yes you guys too. I find it truly saddening to think you might be talking to someone on here and then you stop hearing from them and you have no idea what has happened to them. Like if I was gone tonight and no one here ever heard from me again none of you would know what happened 97% of you wouldn't even care. The answers I have thought of to those questions make me uneasy some answers are really easy to answer and some are not. I am alone emotionally no one wants what I have to give. I am half way to a promise I made myself at 19, at the age of 50 if I am still alone I am going to end it all. But at this rate it would be before the age of 30, at this rate I don't want to see my birthday next year. I would rather be dead. Doing that is "selfish" how? So is going to the doctor when sick selfish? Is going to a psychologist selfish? I have never understood how it was selfish. Your making your pain go away, your ending your sufferings. How is that selfish? It's no different then someone self medicaiding themselves, the only difference is death. It's  a take this once and all your problems are gone. Think of all the people you hurt by doing it, in many cases what other people. It's not like I have a wife and kids waiting for me needing me. Friends I have very few of those like two. They might miss me or might not hard to say. I have wished so many times to die, I wished I was never born. I want it all to go away I want to die.

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rainingviolets

I understand because I, also, struggle with suicidal ideations. I'm sorry you're struggling so badly right now. When I get in that dark frame of mind and ending it seems like an entirely logical choice, I've learned that if I wait it out that eventually that feeling will pass. That has happened to me many times, and every time I've been glad I waited. Please give yourself the same chance. If you think people here would not be upset or saddened to learn that one of our own members had passed, you are mistaken. DF exists so that we can all draw mutual encouragement, support, and advice from each other. Take advantage of that! We are here for you. You think you don't have friends? You have an entire website full of them if you would just allow us to be that for you. I have been uplifted time and time again by the people here because they understand exactly what I'm feeling and what I'm going through because they have experienced it, too. Post something in the forum you're struggling with and get some feedback to help. Or  send someone a personal message if you're battling something more private or if you want to have a conversation with someone. There are personal conversations going on all over this board. Reach out and someone will reach back. Let us be there for you ~ especially now.

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zdude954
20 minutes ago, rainingviolets said:

I understand because I, also, struggle with suicidal ideations. I'm sorry you're struggling so badly right now. When I get in that dark frame of mind and ending it seems like an entirely logical choice, I've learned that if I wait it out that eventually that feeling will pass. That has happened to me many times, and every time I've been glad I waited. Please give yourself the same chance. If you think people here would not be upset or saddened to learn that one of our own members had passed, you are mistaken. DF exists so that we can all draw mutual encouragement, support, and advice from each other. Take advantage of that! We are here for you. You think you don't have friends? You have an entire website full of them if you would just allow us to be that for you. I have been uplifted time and time again by the people here because they understand exactly what I'm feeling and what I'm going through because they have experienced it, too. Post something in the forum you're struggling with and get some feedback to help. Or  send someone a personal message if you're battling something more private or if you want to have a conversation with someone. There are personal conversations going on all over this board. Reach out and someone will reach back. Let us be there for you ~ especially now.

I give myself so much time but they keep coming back, multiple times a day, every day, every week. I have also yet to be glad that I have not tired in a while. I can even be doing something I like to do and be happy but still be thinking about it. There is no end to it. People say good morning to me, I have replied back what makes it so good. I hate myself, I hate who I am, what I have done, the people I have hurt, the things I have said. I want a happily ever after but I do not deserve it, I deserve to die. I have hurt everyone I know in some way shape or form. If I was a better person a braver then maybe but I am not any of things. I look into a mirror and all I see is a fat ugly monster, people say I am a nice sweet guy but I do not believe them. You are right in one regard if people found a member past away from here they would be sad. But it's set up so will never know that, the profile is just unactive and leaves people not knowing they just don't get on. No one on here would ever find out. Like what your view of friends is, but I do not see it that way I never have and I never will. No one here can or will ever truly understand what I am going threw, they can't understand. Because I don't know so if I don't know how can they.

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