I can't stand my own complaining anymore. I'm sick of the, "I'm tired", "I've had enough", or the "I'm done with". I just want everything to start making sense, to feel like I'm making progress towards university, towards anything.
I really want to talk to someone. Really. I do. But there's something inside of me that won't let me. The voice that narrates my life, the one that says "You're not good enough", "There's nothing 'wrong' with you. You're just useless". The word 'You' goes from being an almost meaningless pronoun, to loaded with such negative connotations. Except I'm the only one that sees them.
Everything is starting to ache, I'm not sure if its just because I'm physically ill, or because my mind is starting to slow down. Slowing to such a pace that I don't want to do anything anymore. I have no motivation for work, revision, attempts to understand. Despite the fact that's all I really want. To understand my work, but also to understand something with a little more importance. Me.