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Gone


samadhiSheol

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Maggots are eating the crumbling husk I am as write. there is nothing within. I feel them crawling all over me.

Nothing but emptiness inside. I’m dead. I’ve always been dead and there is now point continuing this meaningless pathetic existence. There seems to be no limit for self-hate and anger towards oneself. The emptiness just expands.

I have no connection with anyone or anything anymore. even in the best of days I’ve rarely connected with anyone. If I ever do it’s taken away from me. Recently I did the severing myself through mindlessness and stupidity. I’m lonely most of the time even in company. Now I’m isolated. I think I've been gone for a long time now.

I have no chance of purpose or meaning. I’m interested in nothing and little gives me pleasure. Nowadays nothing at all.  I’ve never been satisfied in my life. I ‘ve never known who I was. I’m a failure and a loser. I just want to be rid of this pointless life I don’t even like.

Now I realize there is no one to know. No soul to seek. I am emptiness. Splintered pieces not entirely consious making no sense at all. There is no coherant whole.

It’s over. this will probably be my last post. I don’t have the courage to do anything yet, but I’m getting there.

Take care everybody. Try and do a better job than me. Find yourselves, find the meaning and happiness I never found.

 

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Voices in my head. "you are nothing" Finish your life" and this too, voice in my head

"No, You Don't"

Nine Inch nails
 

smiling in thier faces
while filling up the hole
so many dirty little places
in your filthy little worn out
broken down see through soul

baby's got a problem
tries so hard to hide
got to keep it on the surface
because everything else is dead on the other side

teeth in the necks of everyone you know
you can keep on sucking until the blood won't flow
when it starts to hurt it only helps it grow
taking all you need
(but not this time)
no, you don't

and just for the record
just so you know
I did not believe
that you could sink so low

you think that you can beat them
I know that you won't
you think you have everything
but no, you don't

no, you don't
no, you don't
no, you don't
no, you don't

 

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"Into The Void"
 

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

talking to myself all the way to the station
pictures in my head of the final destination all lined up
(all the one's that aren't allowed to stay)
tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

tried to save a place from the cuts and the scratches
tried to overcome the complications and the catches
nothing ever grows and the sun doesn't shine all day
tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away
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On 2016-10-19 at 4:52 AM, Searchingforasoul said:

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

Your poem almost seems philosophical.  What specifically do you think you mean by "self".  Are you talking about a purely physical self, a psychological self, emotional self, or spiritual self?  And how did you try to "save" yourself?  I'm not trying to make fun of your poem; I know you're trying to express your actual situation.  That being said, try and humor me. 

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