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Weight of the World on my Back


RiverLight

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My whole mind and body feel super heavy today, as though I have weights attached to my ankles, a huge boulder on my back and rocks in my brain. Today I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders yet I have an interview to prepare for. I don't know how I'm going to get through it, as I feel I am not going to be my usual upbeat, enthusiastic, focused and high energy self. I almost don't even care. I think I've lost the ability to care anymore. Nothing even matters. Nothing at all. I've put so much care and energy into everything, that now I feel the opposite way. All that matters are my friends, my true friends who are there for me, and that's it. I just want to curl up under my covers, close all the shades and watch stupid movies. I don't want to work.. I don't want to do anything. I just want to disappear. Maybe this is because it's Mercury Retrograde right now messing with my emotions and body right now, but this is how I feel. I just feel heavy. Dammit. Whine.. moan. Why do things have to change on a day-to-day basis like this? Maybe I'm just overwhelmed & depleted by all that's been going on.... I have a lot on my plate between my job, interviews, car issues, finances, my dating site & DF. It's a little too much to handle at once. :/ I think I feel completely depleted and have little to give at the moment. I need to just compartmentalize and deal with one day/one issue at at time. And just "fake it til you make it" through these interviews this week. I suppose I can fake it through, though with rocks in my brain right now, I cannot even think clearly. I have a feeling I will totally fail in this interview. I am not feeling the success right now. And honestly who cares? It's days like this where I either want to get under the covers and hide, or jump in my car and drive to California. I just don't care right now. Maybe I'm headed into a major depression. I could be.

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