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Horrible Day


evalynn

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My day officially started when my cell phone's alarm announced I had to get up and get ready to drive to my parents' house to watch my mom. I was tired and achy from my usual night insomnia so driving to the next city where my parents live was something I was not looking forward to. I got there, and things were already looking bad. I've known for a while that my mom suffers from memory loss and confusion. She doesn't have an actual diagnosis yet, despite my dad's efforts to get her much needed help from doctors. Today I saw how badly she's deteriorated in just the last few months. I've never seen her this out of control. Before my dad even left to take my sister to her appointment (hence me "babysitting" my mom so she wouldn't be alone while they were out). I now understand why my dad can't leave her by herself. 

For one, she's totally dependent on my dad. She flooded the bathroom before my dad left, and she wouldn't leave his side to sit down to allow him to even clean it up without her in the way. When he went to talk to the next door neighbor for about ten minutes, she was agitated and went over there to see what was going on even though I told her it was fine. Then my dad adn sister finally left. My mom was quiet in the beginning, but then she became obsessed with calling my dad. I could tell she couldn't remember why he was out or that he'd told her repeatedly he'd be back in a couple hours. Since she lost her own cell phone (again), she tried to call using the house phone and also tried to look for her phone in my sister's room. I had to keep her from going into my sister's room like I'd promised, because my sister had already warned me that she tries to take things out of her room.

I had brought the dog with me, and asked my mom if she wanted to go with me to take the dog for a walk (and to not leave my mom in the house alone of course). We were walking for a just a few seconds when I realized my mom had gone out there in just socks and no shoes on the pavement in the heat. I had to bring her back in and find some sneakers for her and make sure she put them on. Then as soon as we got in the house, she was agitated again and wanted to contact my dad. I had to keep reassuring her that he said he'd be back soon. I was so relieved when he got back, but that's when my mom's mood totaly flipped. She was suddenly angry at him about something that I dont' even understand because to me it made no sense. She kept calling him a liar and telling me he was drunk or that she was afraid something had drugged him, at one point saying htat she wanted to sit next to him to make sure no one did anyting to him. She kept going from angry at him to apologetic and loving to scared. At one point she said he was scaring her and he wasn't even doing anything. She also saw a "mouse" but forgot about it a minute later. 

Before I left, she took my purse which I had had sitting on the dining table for the last few hours and put it in her bedroom. When I found it and took it back, the money was missing (it wasn't much but then again I don't have much right now). Then she took my basket of laundry and put it in her car. For a few terrifying minutes, my dad and I thought she threw them out in the dumpster (something she most likely did in the past when some previous clothes went missing). Thank god they were just in her car. Also, I suppose I should be relieved that she didn't try to walk outside on her own while I was watching her. I'm dreading the day I have to force her back into the house if she tries to leave on her own.

The icing on the cake was driving home in the rain. What started as a light rain right as I was leaving became a torrential downpour on the road. It was so scary, I serously thought I might die before I made it back to my apartment for half the trip. For a few seconds, I wanted to. At some point, I just started balling. I was a wreck by the time I drove through the half-flooded street of my apartment complex. I was relieved I got home safe, but so upset, tired, hungry, and depressed that I just wanted to curl up and cry. I started to hyperventilate for a few seconds while telling my husband about my day. 

Now hours later, I'm still depressed about it. I'm already a depressed person, and my mom's situation is just another stick on the pile. I don't even know what to do or how to feel. Except sad and mad at life.

If anyone actually reads all of this, thanks for listening.

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I did read all of it and my mom was like this for a few months before she passed away.  I feel for people whose loved ones have dementia long-term.  My mom only had it toward the end of her life at 94.  She had good and bad moments.  Once I was actually having a normal conversation with her and she seemed to be her old self and then she said, "Go make sure my purse is still in my room.  Those people were here again last night."  Of course there were no people.  It's a rough situation and I feel for you.  <<< hugs >>>

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