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No Enjoyment

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I get practically no enjoyment from anything. I used to think that it would be fixed by having a social life, but I'm not even sure about that. Casual sex doesn't/wouldn't bring me very much enjoyment cos I would need someone to support me. And having a gf, idk, I think I would just bring suffering to that person. I am so boring. Also I have a disgusting stomach disease. It's not my fault and it's not contagious, but it's still disgusting. Also I have a character flaw that when I'm together with someone for a long time, I lose appreciation for that situation and stop trying to impress her. This happened only one time since I've only ever had one gf. But it has happened in different kind of relationships too, like with my family. I don't really appreciate them. I mean I do and I don't. We were supposed to have a dinner for my birthday, Then my mom said that "this could be my birthday present too", the dinner. I got p***** off from that, so I didn't go to the dinner. At least she doesn't have the satisfaction to have given me a birthday gift. I mean I just assumed that the dinner was free, and she and my dad would give me a gift aside from that. I know I sound stupid, but whatever. There's just no hope for me to be happy. I'm going to another vacation. Pretty much the best thing that could happen to me there is that I have a one-night stand. But that will leave me empty inside. Or it could be that I can't convince anyone to have sex with me, which would be even worse. There's just no hope. Even my dreams are unrealistic. I sort of hope that I can have sex with many women, yet I want to have a gf. I'm so stupid. But in a way I don't care that I'm stupid, I'd just like to be happy. But the point is that it's become almost impossible to reach happiness. **** this .

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