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Maybe Improvement

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I've started taking depression medicine. Before I was against it because I wanted to get healthy natural way, but that's really not gonna happen, so I'll take the blue pill rather than red pill (referring to the paradox). 

Also the medicine helps me with my appetite, which is good, cos I'm underweight.

I'm going to a vacation in five days. I will try to find stuff to do, but prolly it's not gonna go well. At least I'm trying to make something happen. The alternative is to sit home and for sure have the eternal 3/10 depressed mood. On vacation it's like 90% chance it's not gonna go well and I'm gonna have 2/10 mood, but 10% chance that I'm gonna have like 8/10 mood for a while. Something like that. I kinda like the variance in any case, cos at least I'll feel something instead of being numb all the time.

I have kinda started playing poker again, which has been my job in the past. I've only played like two tourneys per day, which is peanuts compared to what I used to play, but taking it slow is good. Maybe in the future I can start taking it seriously again, maybe even near-future.

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I know how you feel about meds, but if you need them, take them. You're not a failure for doing so. It sounds like you are making some positive changes. Good luck on your vacation!

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