Jump to content
  • entries
    35
  • comments
    27
  • views
    6,670

Rage Attack

Sign in to follow this  
qwerty21

508 views

I am feeling really depressed in general right now. My mom was cutting my hair. She kinda complained that I was not standing up straight. I yelled really loud: "F***!". She said is that how you thank me for cutting your hair. I said that I don't really feel like thanking her cos I'm so depressed. Afterwards she handed me the brush and told me to clean up the hairs. She has never asked me that before. After she left a room I started banging the wall and closets with the brush until the brush broke. Then I started crying.

Part of the reason I reacted this way is cos I have Asperger. Part of it is I'm so depressed.

I know my behavior is completely lunatic and stuff. Now prolly many of you would like to comment I'm an awful person and I am. But like I'm kinda close to suicide. I guess not really. But I'm feeling about as low as I have ever felt, and negative comments would only increase my pain. I'm crying as I type this now.

As a clarification I wouldn't ever hurt a person. I **** myself before I do that. Previously I've had no rage attacks, at least this bad. I mean maybe like 9 years ago I threw a remote and broke it, but that was the worst thing I had done.

Please just don't be mean to me, please. No comments is fine.

I would like to go to mental institution, but I don't think I can get in. I have searched for help before, but they just send me back home and stuff. And I would like to have my cellphone in the mental institution cos I'm talking to my two online friends.

I am a low-life. I'm a horrible person. But I just don't wanna be nice to my mom cos I feel this bad. Call it a character fault or whatever. I wanna rather **** myself than have to be nice to her all the time while being this depressed. I don't even know why I feel this way, but I do. That being said, obviously what I did was very wrong and I hope I don't do that again.

I hate how passive-aggressive she is.

I hate how I am. Maybe it would be better if I was dead. But I promise I wouldn't hurt anyone, so I don't understand how you'd think I was better off dead.

Sign in to follow this  


3 Comments


Recommended Comments

Hi I can relate to you, your not a bad person or anything but you carry a lot of guilt with low self esteem and it's not your fault its your mothers you feel guilty about not liking her but she knows how to push your buttons and may or may not know she is doing it. Is she always the victim does she get her way all the time, what about not telling every detail in a event to make her look good. You always get a rotton feeling when she comes home. This is toxic for you being raised by a passive agressive there are certain levels of this and we all at sometime are. the kind you don't want any part of is when its consistent and they do it to make themselves feel better my tobe ex wife is a pro at making me feel and look bad I never new until my therapist figured it out. I was going to write a blog about it because I just figured out why my family has been distant and my mom asked me if I learned my lesson so i have been so depressed its kept me off my feet until I figured out for the last 5yrs she has been telling my family I'm using oxycodone I need shoulder replacement they were prescribing me oxycodone 5yrs ago 1 and half years i was addicted but suffered through withdrawal. It makes me sick to think about it. Major depression from her passive agrressive /narscist disorder mimics the same affects as someone on and off that crap and she has been going around telling everyone That Im still taking that stuff and she knows i dont this bad stuff if you can get away or they hate it when you start calling it out yeah thats right tell her when she does it and let her know how you feel butmy ex knows ecxactly what she is doing

Share this comment


Link to comment

IT'S OK! IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU BAD. YOU ARE NOT LOWLIFE..YOU ARE NOT HORRIBLE.

I don.t have Asperger's.. but I get rages.

It's pure luck no ones been in the way.. I tend to fume and when I'm alone I lash out at myself...And it can get bad, believe me.

Do what you have to to get help.

BUT PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP.

It takes courage and formidable strength to come out and say you have a problem. You are here telling us this. You'll get there.

We are here for you, for each other. Vent at us, on df. It's ok!

Take care!

Share this comment


Link to comment

Do you see a therapist?  I'm not sure what your situation is, if you are a minor and under your parents' healthcare or whatever.  You are acting completely "normally" for someone with depression and/or Asperger's.  It's bad enough for you to feel this way but it's worse to feel bad about it.  I think you needed to break that brush.  Maybe you need to find a physical activity that will help you take out your frustrations and aggressions?  (Who am I to talk though, I'm the worst couch potato in the world...)

 

Edited by thursdayschild

Share this comment


Link to comment
×
×
  • Create New...