I am feeling really depressed in general right now. My mom was cutting my hair. She kinda complained that I was not standing up straight. I yelled really loud: "F***!". She said is that how you thank me for cutting your hair. I said that I don't really feel like thanking her cos I'm so depressed. Afterwards she handed me the brush and told me to clean up the hairs. She has never asked me that before. After she left a room I started banging the wall and closets with the brush until the brush broke. Then I started crying.
Part of the reason I reacted this way is cos I have Asperger. Part of it is I'm so depressed.
I know my behavior is completely lunatic and stuff. Now prolly many of you would like to comment I'm an awful person and I am. But like I'm kinda close to suicide. I guess not really. But I'm feeling about as low as I have ever felt, and negative comments would only increase my pain. I'm crying as I type this now.
As a clarification I wouldn't ever hurt a person. I **** myself before I do that. Previously I've had no rage attacks, at least this bad. I mean maybe like 9 years ago I threw a remote and broke it, but that was the worst thing I had done.
Please just don't be mean to me, please. No comments is fine.
I would like to go to mental institution, but I don't think I can get in. I have searched for help before, but they just send me back home and stuff. And I would like to have my cellphone in the mental institution cos I'm talking to my two online friends.
I am a low-life. I'm a horrible person. But I just don't wanna be nice to my mom cos I feel this bad. Call it a character fault or whatever. I wanna rather **** myself than have to be nice to her all the time while being this depressed. I don't even know why I feel this way, but I do. That being said, obviously what I did was very wrong and I hope I don't do that again.
I hate how passive-aggressive she is.
I hate how I am. Maybe it would be better if I was dead. But I promise I wouldn't hurt anyone, so I don't understand how you'd think I was better off dead.