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Procrastination is a Dangerous Game

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evalynn

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It's not even a game, really. It's a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad habit. Or a compulsion? Or just a negative result of my avoidant personality. Anything uncomfortable--so, basically, a lot of frickin' things!--is something I'm willing to put off as long as possible. Maybe there was a time when I could put things off and get away with it (youth and helicopter parents can be a privilege), but those days are far gone now. But I never learn.

I'm so mad at myself. And I know I'll procrastinate again, because I never learn. I'm too old to keep making the same mistakes, but I don't know if I have the strength to change. I just keep making messes that make my life even more difficult than it has to be. Why, why do I do this?? GAH!

Now I'm ruminating, my heart's beating too fast, and I can't distract myself from that feeling that the sky is falling (or about to any second). I'm so angry with myself, and I feel so dumb. All I can do is hope that I'm catastrophizing (which I do do at times). I'll see I guess.

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Hi Evalynn,

I am currently going through a severe procrastination phase, that I am slowly trying to wiggle out of. I have always been a delayer, but things have started to go a little bit out of control. I have started to become exhausted with it, and I am very slowly trying to get ahead of it by doing some tasks ahead of schedule. I have tonnes of work piled up, but I am focusing on the current things. Worrying about the oldest pending item usually sends me into a spiral and leaves me depressed, like I have been the past couple of days. What helps is to finish off some things from the 'current - to do list' and then quickly use that surge of positive reinforcement energy to finish a chunk off of the 'historical - to do list'. I am hoping to come out of this soon, without becoming an embarrassment at work. I hate to cheat, and I am wracked with guilt when I keep things pending at work, because I have a wonderful boss who is also a friend, and I consider my procrastination a breach of the trust between us. That guilt, though pulling me down deeper, has also taught me how much I really bother about the work, and how much importance I give to personal work satisfaction. I feel extremely guilty for showing up at work a few minutes late, even if no one actually reprimands me. Being scatterbrained somehow ensures I am late, even if I have woken up really early. So, I am fighting it hard, and have started to make it on time since the last 1 week! I am seeing an improvement now. I hope to come out of this, and be on top of my game.

I completely understand how it feels Evalynn. This is a late reply, and I sincerely hope you are feeling better now. If not, I can guarantee you that it isn't a vicious cycle. 

Take care.

Peace.

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