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My mood lately has been I guess okay. I mean I am in a constant state of depression I think. I was watching a part of a documentary on Youtube about depression and first of all it had these people who they were interviewing and in all their stories the depression was more severe than mine. So in a way it's good that I don't have that severe depression, but in another way it was slightly annoying that I couldn't relate to any one of them, and also maybe it created kind of a stereotype that depression is always very severe. The documentary also suggested depression is something physical in the brain. Then I scrolled down the comments and it said there's sad-depressed and then there's real depressed. Well I think I'm sad-depressed. But I still think that that's depression too just as well. And I'm not sure my depression is very physical in my brain, like as if there was something wrong with it. My life just is subjectively (in a way objectively also) bad. So that's why I get sad. So that's why I'm depressed, cos my life is almost always bad, so almost always I'm sad.

I'm going to a kind of a therapist today. There they interview me to see if I would be suitable for a 9-day "looking at opportunities" period. I don't like the sound of it and I don't think it's gonna do any good, but I'm gonna give it a try if they think I'm suitable. Also I talked to my physical doctor about my mental problems, so I'm meeting with a psychiatrist through another channel. So I pat myself on the back that at least I'm trying to get help. Again, I don't think it's gonna do any good cos no psychiatrist can at least directly solve my problems. Only give suggestions on how to go about it.

My plan is that I'm gonna see if the mental help does any good, and after when it prolly doesn't, I'm gonna book a holiday to go to New York. I'm gonna see the John Lennon memorial. Just maybe also see a 9/11 museum thing. Other than that, I have nothing planned and prolly I'm not gonna do anything except go to store/restaurant every once in a while. So prolly it's gonna be kinda boring, but it beats staying at home all the time.

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