Where am I? I know who I am and I know where I've been. She's been buried though, that light that shone so brightly once upon a time. Stress has taken hold. Far too much stress going on.
I have traveled off the beaten path all of my life. I like that. I am independent yet need social interaction and desire partnership. Sometimes I miss my independent self and wish that things could be different. I recall driving across the countryside not too long ago, all on my own. I packed my car and moved across country by myself, driving everywhere from state to state, soaking up the amazing scenery and my freedom. Windows down, wind blowing, music blasting, smoking cigs. I miss that dearly. When we went to Vermont recently, I was nostalgic for that feeling of ultimate freedom.
Maybe I am too much of a free bird to be tied down. Maybe I need to always have my wings spread. Maybe this relationship IS too restrictive for me, I do not know. But I know why I broke our rule of going to a bar alone. I wanted to feel independent. I lack that right now and crave it. Maybe if I move out on my own again it will be different and I will feel more free.
But the question remains, is this too restrictive for me? Do I need another free spirit or can I exist happily enough like this? Where am I?