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To all the unwitting victims of my moods

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This is an apology to all those who have been subjected to the outlashes of a moody Biotch. Forgive me for writing it, Im too much of a coward to say this to your faces. I have to go through life afflicted with severe depression and anxiety disorder. This leaves me scared, angry, frustrated, tired, defeated, and obviously very sad. At the moment I have yet to learn to tame this great beast. It has not revealed it's true nature to me and I have not yet learned to transcend this. It has me in its vise-like grip, threatening to never let go. Forgive me if my fear brings forth extreme reactions. I apologize for the tears that seem to come from nowhere, for the sharp tone of voice that cuts you to your very soul, for the weary desperation that seems to take all your help for granted. I'm trapped in silence as darkness invades my mind. I want to reach out but the fears bind me. I don't see anyone anyway. I don't even see the glimmer of hope that people keep telling me exists. Where is it? Is it another one of the useless platitudes you throw my way? Snap out of it.Shake it off.Hang in there.Just relax.Keep yourself busy.Think happy thoughts. Don't you think, in your vast wisdom, that if I could do all those things you're telling me to do, that I would do it? Do you think that I actually like getting beaten down by brain chemistry? Do you think I want this condition to consume me? Forgive me for inflicting my many moods on you. With it comes my many facets. Some of it is very very dark. Most of it is just very very scared. Forgive me for trying to push you away. I don't feel I'm worth the pain I inflict. Forgive me for not quite believing you'll stay. No one ever does. One day, you'll get so tired from trying to keep up with my moods. I'm tired too. But it's got me by the hand and is twirling me around and around and around until we fall down dizzy with a thud. I am sorry I have moods. I am sorry you have me.

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