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Restless Night, Rough Morning


AloneGuy

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So last night, after some friends had gone home, I decided that I was tired enough to go to bed.

Mistake. I spent about 7 hours alternating between a light doze and restlessness. My room felt really hot, so I turned on the air conditioner. Then it was too cold, so I turned it to the fan setting. My heart was beating too fast, and I was thinking about how I have only 3 Klonopin for the next 3 days before I can get it refilled.

Other annoying thoughts went through my head as well.

Usually when I can't sleep I'll just get up and go into the living room and watch tv, listen to music, go online, etc. For some stupid reason I didn't do that last night. I tried to gut it out. I should be learning from my experiences with depression and anxiety, yet I'm not. I make the same mistakes over and over again.

Why can't I make my Klonopin last a full month? I tried setting some aside earlier in the month, but ended up using them all up.

So this morning I am feeling pretty bad. I just took a klonopin so hopefully that will help a bit. Two pills would have been nice, but I need those for the next two days.

I'm really afraid I'll have a panic attack today. Fearing fear.... being anxious about anxiety, are not pleasant feelings, but is so ingrained in my mind that I can't help it.

Oh well. My end of the month blog entries probably sound like a broken record. Same story over and over again.

Thanks for reading.

-AG

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I'm the king of sleeplessness. I may have snoozed for an hour or two last night, but most of the time I just laid there, thinking of all the crap that is staring me in the face at work. I know I'm fortunate to have a job, but there's a helluva lot on my mind because of it.

Tried to think of the ocean, drifting on a lake, sitting on a glacier...but every time, my mind would wander back to work stuff. Grrr...

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Thanks!

Inbetween - I appreciate your PM, thanks for that :) You've given me some things to think about and I'll write you back soon.

JD- Ugh, why is it that we think about stressful things while trying to sleep? Frustrating I know.

I too try to think about peaceful things...but my mind usually won't allow me.

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I'm in the same boat most nights but my savior is ambien and melatonin. Ont op of that I have sleep apnea so I have to sleep with a CPAP machine (basically looks like a face hugger from Aliens and makes you sound like Darth Vader when you sleep). I too try to walk around or do something productive if I can't sleep but next thing you know its 4 AM and I have to be up in a couple hours. What has helped recently is listening to documentaries off my phone (especially ones that I have listened to before so I don't engage in the thought to much). It tends to disrupt the anxious thoughts and constant rumination because you are forced to listen to someone else talk in the background. Hope that helps!

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