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Sad Day


duck

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My dad passed away yesterday. Basically, he stopped breathing on Saturday morning. CPR was given. He was revived and taken to the hospital and was placed in the ICU. He was back to his normal self on Monday then suddenly he stopped breathing again and that was it. He is gone. I was was expecting this day to come but not so soon. He never smoked but he has all the symptoms of a smoker. He ate healthy and rarely drank only on special occasions yet that failed to help him. The same happened to my mom several years ago on Christmas Eve. She took good care of herself and she became ill and was gone. Life is very strange.

This has been a volatile year for me. Several severe ups and downs. I am waiting for the next shoe to drop.

Now we are planning for the funeral and its not easy. Availability at the funeral home is limited. We were promised Friday now its Saturday. Finding a priest is also difficult. Only one priest is available late Saturday afternoon. It sucks but we have to take him.

I have three older sisters and they cannot agree on anything which makes the whole process difficult. I will have to take it one hour at a time and try to survive this.

I am not sleeping well for the last two weeks. I sleep for one hour then wake up and cannot fall asleep again until morning. Then I am exhausted all day. This very difficult for me. I need to feel refreshed during the day. I am still taking the Rivotril , Prozac, and now I have added Inderal to increase blood flow to my hands and feet. Hope I feel better soon.

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I know so well what you mean about waiting for the other shoe to drop….

My father died when I was 15, and my mother when I was 35 (she was pretty young, but auto-immune illness killed her). As a result, I'm left with PTSD that I cannot shake off. I'm always fearing the worst. Afraid my husband will die, or anything else important in my life (not many people are left - and nobody in my family anymore), leaving me stranded and completely unable to help myself. I used to have 3 older sisters too, who had to deal with my mother's funeral. I just left it all to them, since I was so beside myself, I didn't even make it out there to attend.

Nothing I could possibly say would make anything better for you, but I hope it might give you some comfort that you're not alone, and others are thinking about you and wishing you well during this time. I know it must be a horrible shock, and complete chaos for you. If you can, I hope you'll be kind to yourself, and give yourself the space and time you need to deal with all of this as best you can. I hope you'll be able to start sleeping better soon, too.

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Thank you all for your kind words.

Sometimes I just want to leave it all to my sisters and walk away. I even thought of not attending the funeral. Anyways it's on Saturday. We will see what happens.

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Duck i am so sorry for your loss as well, and of course that your sisters are making this situation more difficult than it already is......

I will be thinking of you on saturday xxx

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