Motivation is such an illusive little beast. Like a sweet pet, it sits in my lap and obeys attentively every time the new year approaches. As a result, I start getting lofty ideas about what I can do and all the impressive things I will accomplish with Motivation by my side. I somehow believe that if I just try harder this year, I can make all my dreams come true. Get in shape? Sure. Write a book? Of course. Beat depression? Well...why not? My sweet, sweet Motivation will not leave me this time and I will be invincible! Then a few days roll by...Motivation is still by my side, wagging its tail and accompanying me down the trail. A few weeks roll by...Motivation's tail is no longer wagging...and he is no longer obeying my commands as quickly as before. Then, one fateful day, I feel the leash ripped from my hands and Motivation has run away from me. Again! I feel abandoned, of course. Frustrated and a little angry. Why would Motivation do this to me? Will i ever see him again? Should I go looking for him? Should I post lost signs?
They say that there's no such thing as bad pets, only bad owners. In the case of my anthropomorphic motivation, I have obviously failed to give it the proper care and attention. One of the more important foods, I feel, is inspiration. Yet the need for inspiration is problematic in itself. How do I maintain a healthy supply of inspiration when I am grappling with depression and anxiety? Some days (hell, many days), I don't even want to get out of bed. The world is in shades of gray, as if bled of all color. There's only so much inspiration that can be garnered from a gray world.
(Ok, so here I admit that, appropriately enough, I've been struggling to finish this piece. After taking great pains to complete that last paragraph, I am unsure if it expresses what I mean. On top of that, I'm at a loss as to how to end this entry. I wanted to end at a positive note of self-revelation, but I don't really have one. So I'll end with some questions:)
How do I keep my motivation year round? How do I properly nourish it so I can it will stay with me? How do I find inspiration in the face of anxiety and depression?