Sometimes when I'm really around my lowest periods I seem more witty to friends. When I am with people I'm extra gregarious and joke a lot more - generally give off more charisma. It must make it hard for them to understand how hard things really are. I don't know why I do it or how to stop. Maybe it isn't a bad thing? I mean at least by putting on the mask I am getting out... Maybe that will help me long term?

Things really are different when I go back to being by myself and I don't think living alone does me good anymore. I've done it too long and I think it just makes me feel more "separate" from the world...

Meh. Random halfbaked half awake thoughts.