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So Tired Of Depression!



I don’t know what I did so differently today than I did yesterday, but my depression and anxiety is definitely higher than it was yesterday. Yesterday I felt so sure of everything, I felt that maybe this was past me, now I’m experiencing taking 1 step ahead just to take 10 back today, except for maybe it is not 10, maybe just 5. I still got up and got kids ready for school and took them to the bus stop (Ash came with me), then I picked up Daniel with Jaimie and the dogs and we sat out in the park for a little bit. I was also for the first time allowed to be in the house alone for about 20 minutes; Jaimie went to go get coffee and The Vow =) So, I guess there should be some things I should feel accomplished for…I need to accept when there are days that I don’t do as much as I do on other days. I was told that I can just allow myself to be depressed for the day, and that allowing the depression to be there doesn’t make it feel so bad. My computer crashed, and I lost quite a bit of things that I had written, but basically I explained that it is hard to accept being depressed even for just one day when you have had it chronically everyday for a few months. It is like that annoying summer cold that won’t go away. Your hot, want to sleep and you got this stupid stuffy nose. Depression feels just as agonizing. I also had written about how I am worried I won’t be able to sleep tonight. I am really tired right now, but can’t fall asleep…maybe it is because there is too much going on in my house; it’s not quiet enough to fall asleep. But then my brain starts to worry that I will go through sleep issues. Ahh I need to stop worrying about things I cannot control. Control is a huge issue I deal with, that is why going through this period of my life is really hard…I feel that I have lost control. Bottom line to this journal entry, I am exhausted and feel depressed…

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I hear you, I have good days and bad days. I try to figure out why this happens and can't find the answer.

I hang on to the good days, thinking that there is hope. If I can have one good day, maybe I can have a few good days.

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