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Absent Mind

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'welcome To My World'


absent

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Yesterday I was having a chat with a friend on Skype. We've been talking about going shopping soon. I recently told her about my depression and she is very kind and sensible person when it comes to other people. She was asking me if I'm feeling ok to go shopping, or go out for a coffee. So while trying to explain to her it dawned on me that everything I do in my daily life I always consider if I have the energy to do it and how emergency it is. Most stuff I just don't do.

Obviously trough the years I've managed to create some ways to do some stuff. I noticed I RELY ON OTHER PEOPLE TO PUSH ME TO DO THINGS, like shopping for groceries and clothes, paying bills or calling to get my taxes back. Stuff that are essential but I can't motivate myself to do. I said to her - stop asking me if I want to do something, I never have the desire so if you consider my opinion we will never get a single thing done. I rely on your enthusiasm to do stuff. If you wanna go shopping - tell me so. I always need to shop for things and I always put it off for later. She was surprised that I consider shopping for something useful, but when you have only one pair of jeans that you wear until they start falling apart, shopping is always a necessity.....

Other stuff that bother me:

- I never buy groceries if I have a single apple to eat at home.

- I don't think when I talk, I just say words and hope they make sense

- when people joke or find something funny I laugh cause laugh is catchy and feel stupid cause I have no idea why I'm laughing.

- I don't bother being polite with people and do small talk

- I will not go and see a friend if they live too far

- When something needs doing but I'm reluctant I make a few reminders on my phone and I keep moving them for the next day until I get tired to change the dates, then I just forget about it. Even if it is important.

- I CAN'T remember essential details for the personal lives of my closest friends, so I never ask them ''what happened with ...''

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P.S. I'm getting addicted to this blog thing! At least I'm ******* time!

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