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Only Time Will Tell

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You know the supposedly ancient Chinese curse "May you live in interesting times?" It's been interesting lately. I say "supposedly ancient Chinese curse" because I read online that a foreigner who visited China a few centuries ago claimed to have heard that one in China, but apparently no one has been able to verify that it even exists among the Chinese. It seems the Chinese have never heard of that curse. Maybe it was mistranslation.

I wrote my Congressman's office and was very impressed with their response. I mailed the letter on Monday, and Tuesday at 2:30 I got a call from his office, from the lady who specializes in such cases. They mailed me some release forms and I mailed them back in. I soon found out that by checking the Social Security website daily that a decision had been made on my case. The lady said a decision had been made, but that my case had been randomly selected for review to make sure my paperwork was in order. That made me feel a little better, since I researched and saw that 97% of the approved cases reviewed were given the okay. There was no data on cases that weren't approved, which led me to believe that maybe I had been approved on the first try. Then I got a letter saying it had been determined that I met the medical conditions to qualify for disability, but that it was still being determined if I met the non-medical qualifications, which I took to mean the same thing I was told on the phone. Friday night, I checked my bank balance and had a HUGE deposit pending. Disability back pay was the only thing I could think of, and sure enough, Saturday morning the transaction had gone through and it was a deposit from Social Security. I still haven't received a letter spelling out my benefits, but I was able to calculate it. I expect a letter in the mail soon.

The government's fiscal year starts October 1. The deposit was made on October 1. I wonder if they were just putting off the payout until the new fiscal year. In any case, I'm very relieved.

*****While typing this, the mailman came. I got my letter of approval for my disability*****

Unfortunately, shortly after writing that Buzz was missing, Peanut went missing as well. They're still MIA. I hope they're coming back, but I find it very upsetting that the two cats I was most attached to are the ones that went missing. My luck balance ran out long ago and now my checks are all bouncing I guess. I'm hoping they will come back, they hide whenever strangers - or even my parents - come around, so I know they'll avoid people. I'm hoping they've gone searching for mates and will return. I walked through the woods around the house and didn't find any sign of them, and the other cats aren't acting traumatized as if something happened, so I think they wandered off. I'm going to have them fixed and see if that will help with their wandering if they come back.

I'm a bit optimistic and yet a bit upset over a retired doctor friend of mine offering to help me with the fibro. He is of the opinion that it's caused by cellular resistance to thyroid hormones, so that the tests show normal blood levels of the hormone but the cells aren't making use of it. He did give me a sample of thyroid hormone to try and it did seem to help, and he's going to give me a titration pack to see how I do, and then a prescription. I'm grateful for this, and hopeful that maybe it will work. He pointed me to a couple of websites referencing a Dr. Lowe that seemed convincing, and this friend of mine is a very intelligent, caring doctor so I trust him. I hope it works better than the Savella, because I'm taking several other meds that also have drowsiness as a side effect and sometimes I sleep away half the day or more.

I'm a bit upset that he commented that he could get me well again so that I could go back to work. It's not that I don't want to work, but he doesn't seem to understand that I got my disability based on my MENTAL health, not the fibro. I know depression is related to fibro, and I do believe that the fibro made my depression worse, but I don't believe this will be a magic bullet that will cure my depression and anxiety as well. I've suffered from them all my life, the fibro only came along in the last couple of years. I don't think he understands that I have struggled for years before the fibro, and I really don't believe his treatment will solve that. I have family history and other issues including a possible personality disorder that I doubt are related to the fibro in any sense other than the fibro made me feel even worse about myself because I was so tired all the time and couldn't accomplish much of anything. With the time I was having before the fibro came on the scene, I really expected to someday have to seek disability, but resisted it for years. I think he's expecting more out of this treatment than it is capable of, simply because he has a misunderstanding about my mental health.

It upsets me to read the job openings in the paper, so I've given it up. His saying I can get back to work and get off disability I think is unrealistic, which upsets me. The whole subject of work upsets me. Some days I can work, and I feel better about myself, and some days I can't because of the fibro. But some days I'm so depressed I don't want to get off the couch, as well. And some days I'm so anxious that I can't even think of going to town or being around people. I have struggled with this for many years before the fibro reared its ugly head, so I don't expect that to change.

I had a visit from a plant inspector today, I had a couple of plants I brought in from California that he needed to check for snail infestations. He was very helpful, and is going to help me get my nursery licensed by the state. I've tried to find out online how to get that done, but when I asked who I needed to talk to he said "You're lookin' at him!" I know a lot of people are down on government services, but I've been treated very kindly by my Congressman's office, the local USDA office that helped me get my seed & plant import permit, and this gentleman from the state agriculture office. I feel much better dealing with the government than I do businesses, especially since I've been sent old rotten seeds, wrong seeds, not gotten my order until six months later in one case, etc. I may have to deal with another agency that changes my mind soon, but I must say I've been treated well and everyone I've dealt with has been very supportive. This man also said he was the man to call in case I needed to get a phytosanitary certificate for California, the only state he was aware of that required one for what I'm growing. I couldn't have asked for anyone more helpful. He took down my info and said he'd take care of my license for me, that the form to apply just required boxes to be checked and he could take care of filling my form out for me.

I'm hoping to get off of disability by growing my business, maybe even to the point where I can sell wholesale to other nurseries, but I have more work to do. Maybe this thyroid hormone treatment can help me with that, and that will help my depression and anxiety. I certainly hope so, but I have suffered from them all my life and expect they're not going anywhere anytime soon.

Only time will tell.

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I'm rooting for you. I hope the treatment helps you feel better. Best of luck to you.

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Oh, Dee--I'm so glad you got approval for the government help! Plus, the information and aid for your plant nursery sounds very promising. I believe you're finding a niche for yourself!

I hope the fibro treatment is good for you and leads to more energy and healing.

I doubt I have any telepathic "power" to communicate with cats over long distances (move over "Mentalist") but, I keep thinking about your wandering kitties and thinking: go home to Dee, go home to Dee....


(Yep, still a little crazy after all these years...) :Coopwink:

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Thanks - I'm hoping this will help me physically at least, and if there's one thing I've learned through hard experience, if you don't feel well physically it takes its toll on your mental state. It certainly has in my case. I really feel that this doctor is a very good one, he's retired for the second time now - he went back to work for the health department after his first retirement because being a doctor was what he loved to do, and didn't care about money. That seems rare nowadays.


We'll see how things go - M (the doc) gave me the thyroid medication last night and I took my first dose today. It's like psych meds, I have to titrate them, but I'm hopeful this will be an answer for me.

Now the rest of the cats are wandering, too..... I've tried the Jedi mind trick on them but it just isn't working.....

Take care,


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