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Sept 14 - Sept 29 2005

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Eileen, what do they mean by 'medical retirement'? I wish I could help you to not feel so bad.....for what it's worth, here's my hot sweaty 90-degree hug (((((((((Eileen)))))))))Tell us what's going on! firelizardee Sep 15 2005, 04:49 PM medical retirement - too ill to do the job at that grade. dan Sep 15 2005, 05:33 PM Aaaahhh, what a way to have the rug pulled from under you. It's an ill wind that blows no good, so something better may yet come out of this deal......but what a blow to your self-esteem! #####. Write some more, so I can get good and bummed out with you. firelizardee Sep 16 2005, 07:16 PM I have been and was in a terrible state when I first went off ill and then back to work then off then back inm and off. I just can't make important decisions, I can't even tidy up my flat cos I think that I'll only do that as a prelude to 'leaving the world'. Im not sure I *can* go back to work. I make little jokes ab out not being able to deal with people (on DF I can switch off and limit the contact I have). I keep thinking of the tablets I've stashed, the razoir blades. dan Sep 17 2005, 09:53 PM Are things looking any better today, Eileen? I mean tonight...sorry I'm so late posting. It really breaks my heart to read your words. You so much deserve to be healed from this pain. I wish I could take it on myself for awhile, just so you could have some relief. And I don't say that lightly; I've learned what hell is like. But I'm free for the time being, and it's NOT FAIR that you can't be.Anyway....remember that you're loved. Post when you can.Dan firelizardee Sep 18 2005, 11:12 AM yes I made it through the night. I guess I'll just have to keep being upset over this decision I have to make - for the moment. I think I will try and delay things a few months and see if I feel any better. Eileen firelizardee Sep 18 2005, 11:18 AM its when the drs think you are too sick to continue working and they bring forward your retirement from work because of it. Its saying that I would be no longer able to work at my job at that grade. Its a 'kinder' way of getting rid of someone who is sick whilst giving them some money ie a pension even though it won't be as much as I'd get if I retired at 60. dan Sep 18 2005, 05:55 PM So, wow, if you take it does that mean you can't work again? That would be an awful decision to make. If someone's too sick to work, then how the heck are they to make a choice like that? I hope you can trust your docs' judgements. firelizardee Sep 19 2005, 07:18 PM I'll see what my therpaist and psychiatrist say possibly tomorrow or Wednesday. leonarda Sep 21 2005, 11:03 AM How did the appointment go, E.? firelizardee Sep 21 2005, 06:45 PM I talked to my organisations Welfare Officer and told her about the occupational health possible offer of medical retirement. From what I can remember she's of the opinion (or worries) that I won't be able to cope at work and that if I don't get medical retirement, I run the risk of losing my job anyway. Cos if I go back to wrok and my absences add up to too much then they'll sack me if I don't fit the medical terms for retirement. She also said that I have been 'rude' to people and that because of my illness they haven't done anything about it. If it happens again then I run the risk of suspension and possible sacking. can't remember the rest. My psychiatrist said today that his opinion is that I may not be able to cope with my job and that he is worried ab ut the effects of going back to work and it not working out. He's going to say that I may not be able to cope at work but that I want to give it a try. I am still confused. I just cannot make a decision on this. The welfare officer asked hoiw I'm doing at the TC and is it helping me with interpersonal relationships and to be honest I'd have to say that I still have bad periods. Even now. dan Sep 21 2005, 07:22 PM So would a medical retirement provide enough to live on? Could you work part-time in a different job while collecting retirement compensation?Eileen, my two cents is, if you can get by okay on retirement benefits, take it. Being released from a stressful job sounds like a good thing. And there would still be no limit on what you could do with your life, either part-time or as a volunteer. You've got a lot of good in you, and you could help a lot of people, just like you do here at the DF.Not that it doesn't suck -- sure it does -- but freedom from the job and HAVING to deal with people when you don't want to....well, that wouldn't be all bad, would it.Dan leonarda Sep 22 2005, 02:41 PM The psychological component of retirement can slow one down, that's true. But I would say, as Dan put it nicely, if you feel the benefits of it are substantial, take it. You don't have to take that as limiting your life-possibilities down. It doesn't have to be like that. Maybe you really would have more time (and energy) on your hands to make it happen...whatever is that you would like to do. firelizardee Sep 22 2005, 07:00 PM thank you both for helping. I'm still so muddled about this. I'd still get Incapacity Benefit (sickness social security) as well as the works pension. I've been coping on that for the past year and a half. dan Sep 27 2005, 02:03 PM How are things going today, Eileen? leonarda Sep 28 2005, 01:48 PM Yes, how are you Eileen? Anything new? firelizardee Sep 28 2005, 09:02 PM read the letter that my pdoc wrote. It details what/how the depression affects me and says that it is only partially helped by medication (which I'm off at present because I need to 'go through' things at the TC) and that its difficult to predict how 'well' mood disorders fare. Also that it is "possible but not probable" that I will be able to go back to work, also that I will have significant difficulties. I still have to see the TC manager and talk about what he is going to write in his report. Still confused, still unsure what to do. Feel like if I don't have the work then there will be no point to life at all. Eileen taffycat Sep 29 2005, 03:13 PM Eileen, I'm so glad that you posted. I was getting concerned, also.If you didn't have the stress of working, could you find something to do that would feed your spirit? You are so much more than your illness, the TC, or your job. I hope that one day you will be able to look in the mirror, and see the absolutely awesome person that we all see.Also, you have to prepare for Dan's visit, and mine. (Cousin's who had emigrated to New Zealand, spent a month there this summer, and have really peaked my interest.) firelizardee Sep 29 2005, 06:43 PM Quote (taffycat @ Sep. 29 2005,16:16) I hope that one day you will be able to look in the mirror, and see the absolutely awesome person that we all see. I don't see that at all.

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