i'm still here
and i finally have a new computer now. (and failed to make the old one work properly.)
i'm working on it to make it work as i want it, and i take too long, longer than i wanted. i need much longer for everything these days, much longer than i used to. (does prolonged depression **** brain cells?? i'm not _that_ old yet but i think this is how dementia must feel...)
a new OS and i still have to get used to it and how to deal with it (not really enthousiastic about it), and took me some weeks now to get the internet connection working at least.
otherwise, there is not much news.
i'm still depressed. and insomniac. and all that.
and problems still growing bigger faster than i can solve them.
and the anxiety disorder has grown if anything.
to live as a hermit and not even internet. a weird life.
and isolation and loneliness doesn't help the depression to lift either i feel.
i don't think much can change any more in my life.
there isn't much left of it.
but okay, i go on struggling on.
although i can't figure out why, i still go on struggling on.