struggling at work. a lot. just dk how to manage it anymore. we probably appear uninterested and i dont know how true or untrue that is anymore. had a good appt today. asked cm about those organisations she had mentioned before and we are getting a referral for something called partners in recovery, i think she said its one on one support, tailored to our needs which is basically improving socialisation and isolation. i am scared but i think it will help. we will see.
i dont know if i have mentioned here but cm is holding a snake. we made a deal that if we graduate in 2014 she would hold a snake. so now shes holding a snake tomorrow having a bit of a hard time with more sui thoughts, but hanging in. going back to volunteer on friday i think. dont feel ready but we have committed to it..
eating small amounts of food at a time like cm suggested. she was so much better than the gp on the weekend. so grateful that we have her..been with her for three years now and it has transformed our life. i dont really know where im heading still. on disability and dont know if we will ever be able to hold down a full time job :( it was only our first day last week but i was feeling like i never want to go back again. but i think we will. we have to. we have committed to this :(
severe anxiety at work. cant even manage one day a week how will we ever manage a full time job? :( threw up few times when we were there. still kind of sick. lost more weight when cm weighed us today. if we lose 2 more kilograms they could put us in hospital :( cm did have some suggestions for us tho. going to try i guess.
doing better since the holidays ended and seeing case manager and stuff and having more support. starting a new volunteer job tomorrow, once a week at a vet clinic we loved when we went there on placements as a student. first days are always hard but im hoping we will get through smoothly.
missing our counsellor so much. had to say goodbye three months ago and the holidays compounding the isolation has been triggering the grieving. thinking about sui*ide..feeling like i did when overdosing in the past but cant even do that now. seeing a gp tomorrow, dk how that will go :(
officially completely done with school. got my testamur and stuff. fretting about stuff though like looking for work. still on disability and struggling with staying present during the day. may be going to a community dinner tomorrow. still thinking about it. no one else inside wants to go. :( merry christmas..
im still here.. i have finished vet school, after 7 long years. i am graduating in 11 days. it has been really difficult. i couldnt face any triggers so have not been around. been more active on another forum tho. lots been happening. lost my counsellor that was really hard on us. still have our case manager and psychiatrist tho, they have been really, really good with us. very supportive, dont think we will still be alive without them. we are working on healing the childhood trauma that caused
i havent posted on here for a long time. i havent been out much. i feel like im going crazy sometimes. i should post while im still out. im 24 but im splitting again. i have a new 18 year old part and it freaks me out. we emailed T bout it today. i dont fcking know what to do
i scard. i felin hands al ovr me. i been hafin nitmars of hands chasin me. i nevr no wen da hands ar gonna hurt or hit me or tak car of me like gif me food. i fel like i gonna xplod. i jus wanna fel saf.
i weore about sonetjhng tyat happend whe i was smsll. i don like it af all. but she locke me in my roim an i was vdhn scwred. i got let out iv mg roon tiday af i crid snd crjd. i don whr tk exit anymor. fel yucjt av diry!! huhssb my elmo
i hop brokenme doest get angry with me i buy choc milk, and choc today!! i love choclate!! i eat choc when i sad and cry like today. i talk to nataya this morning we had a nice chat i hop nataya have nice tine tonight to!
i went to appointment today function drove and i went. then b popped in and was very confused and started crying. appt was ok it was good to see her even though i didt have much words and b to. b cried all the way home and me to :((
i don no if i suppose to write here. but i been going to work and i cant manage. i fed little kitties today. i don no how to have convo with other people. i dun no how to get the adults to go to work again
i want to **** us all. why m i not alowed to do anything? shes a damn prison guard. i fidnt cut i try grasping ice cubes but i cant feel it. i am hurting so much i dont hav the words. i tie belt on my neck and little shook andh cried. stupid baby.
there is nothing. nothing for me. no one im here likess me. i want to cut so much so much. she is sych a coward writing sown thing and keep 'evidence'. running off and talking about it. we will so be better without anyone. just me and all them and deathp
talking with my khl counsellor today we somehow got on the topic of my ex roommate. i discovered that my old thoughts that it was all my fault that she blew up on me, punched this hole in the bathroom and threatened to hurt me may actually not be my fault. i've always blamed myself. why wasnt i more happy, more social, and leave my room a bit more. that it was my fault that our friendship shattered to nothing. and that all people in our circle of friends blamed me (she guided me to realise it wa