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About this blog

Daily entries/random views of my life while on meds

Entries in this blog

 

Liquid Haloperidol

Evidently there was a "shortage" of the pill form of Haloperidol for the last two months. The three local pharmacies basically told me I was out of luck on refills. I have taken the 2 mg dosage for a few years now for maintenance as it helps the manias of BP1 that have risen through the years. So I bugged my MD (I cant afford a Pdoc anymore) about what I should turn to, or not turn to. Finally got a response and a Rx for liquid Haloperidol, dosage 2 ml or more as needed. Now first, I've nev

T on C

T on C

 

Walking The Right Path

Like all mindsets that barrage us daily it's nice to drop the norm and head into one of the three paths of life. Always go for the one that makes you comfie. Keeping the arrow straight here, but boy it's hard at times. Later

T on C

T on C

 

You Never Know...

Yeah, it's legal here but I don't partake because I'm on psych meds. Well, the elderly lady next door brought over a plate of buttery sugar cookies, we had some coffee and chatted. When she left she said "enjoy" with a wink. Thanks, I feel like I'm back in Haarlem. Sheesh... Later

T on C

T on C

 

Bittersweet

(Rewriting since my last entry went the way of the wind yesterday Hot tub was great. The afternoon went into the morning. Took a rest, woke up to her passed out after emptying 2 bota boxes of alcohol. I had one glass... K, time to regroup. It seems for some weird reason I have a knack for attracting alcoholic partners. Wonder if it's an imprint or what? I've been there and have chosen moderation in all I do when it comes to my vices by learning about myself. Never knock other peoples choices

T on C

T on C

 

Let's Regroup On The Last Entry...

Let's say the other night was a Nicholson moment from the Witches of Eastwick. This scenario happened to me 20 some odd years ago...and like deja vu it came back! You meet 3 girls, they come over with alcohol. Much in depth conversation with a lot of laughter for hours and hours. One girl spoke Spanish, another Swedish and the third German as first languages. Me, I was trying to teach them the scraps of Tagalog I know so we did Pictionary. I was describing a Horse and they all started chanting

T on C

T on C

 

Lalaking Kabayo Na Gamit Sa Pagpapalahi

Yeah, the stallion. All of a sudden 3 girls are after me. Now, I like it and count the stars for having this happen but I dunno if its a good move on my part since they're close friends. Should I blame the Moon? Either way enjoy and be cautious. Now if I could convince something else to be cool...you get the point. This is going to be interesting. Stay tuned... Later

T on C

T on C

 

Outside Looking In

For the second day I'm having some major dissociation-I've affectionately named it the floaties. It's surreal, like being out of body but functioning for the most part although awkward at times. Almost like you don't belong in the physical realm? I dunno, it's hard to describe. Usually it comes on 1 or 2 ways. Either it hits after a nightmare, or when I least expect it out of the blue for no reason that I can pinpoint. Strangely the only aid is to take 5-10mg Zyprexa which chills me out, quiten

T on C

T on C

 

Stigma

I wish that I would be just depressed/melancholy instead of having the added bonus of hearing and at times seeing things that are not there. I hit that point a few days ago. A used to be friend popped by, and after talking for a few minutes flat out told me to get over it... I've heard that too many times. Opened the front door and told him to get the hell out and slammed the door. DO YOU THINK I WANT TO BE THIS WAY? NO! Later

T on C

T on C

 

Haunted

I'm renting a house built in 1912 so it has character. Creaks and groans happen when a small quake says hi. Or when you go down into the basement. My Summer loft is still off limits as it's too cool up there. I heard a woman crying outside. Immediately put my hands on the door and wished her good will. Quiet after that. She went away. I guess since I'm on a surge, plus a few hallucinations I'll take some zyprexa. At times I don't know if I'm in the real world or an imaginary one. Later

T on C

T on C

 

Early Events Shape The Psyche

I lost my brother when I was 5, but it still comes up 49 some years later. He was 8, and as every year passed I would think that it was my time to die when my birthday came around. I think he's looking after me, like a big brother should. Thanks Sean. Later

T on C

T on C

 

Cash Box

One of the local farmers has a enclosed stand that is very popular. I was there today and got a bunch of root veggies and some tops for sauteing. Pretty neat place, it's got an Honour Box for payments of goods, I usually add a dollar or 2 because it's right out of the ground to your plate. A kid was looking for corn. Her Mom was wondering why they don't have a frozen vegetable mix. I smiled, stuffed a few bucks in the box and left. Life goes on, Later

T on C

T on C

 

Ufo's

Spotted, 2 people shooting up by my hedge. Asked them to do it somewhere else. Got a garbled reply and they're gone. I wish them luck. Later

T on C

T on C

 

Four Loko Thoughts

12%...strawberry lemonade flavor. These were the cans the kids kick and swat down the road. Picked them all up, into the bin. Interesting twist. When I was a kid we used to do the same thing. Imagine that. Later

T on C

T on C

 

Frogs

Since we're having a weird Winter the frogs are out and croaking. Head outside and the noise stops. Sit down, roll a smoke. Brush the bamboo.chime and the guys and gals start up again. Mom Nature rocks Later

T on C

T on C

 

Missed Yesterday

Lamb shanks, garlic, root veggies, cabbage, seared brats and a ham hock. Add a potatoball and some mashed rutabagas on the side. That was my thought. It's good with beef short ribs as well. Later

T on C

T on C

 

Ghost Stuff

Serious post.I opened the door to the basement to let it air a little. Started to see vapours rising from down there. TBC Later UPDATE Yep, it's visual disturbances...it's got a weird feeling down there tho.

T on C

T on C

 

The Neighbor

Actually sizzling down now, this guy went too far... Heard a bunch of dogs barking out back, went outside and 3 dogs said hi. so I gave them some water. Seems my neighbor has been placing the dogs in my gated yard to let them run, and poop. THen about a half hour later I had a lady outside my back door talking on her phone... Opened the kitchen window and asked her to get the hell out of my yard. Seems he told everyone it was cool to use my yard. Nah, not on my watch. pizzed off in WA

T on C

T on C

 

Ect

Forgot to add to my last post... asked my Pdoc about ECT. which Swedish and Harboview denied. One wonders why those that that take the oath actually remember waat the oath actually means?

T on C

T on C

 

Triggering Possibly. Friday The 13Th

Trigger stuff************************************************* Another Friday the 13th. So many memories flood back, from my fathers suicide, to my first attempt, to the 4 hr fire on the ship I was working on. Today, nothing happened. I feel safe. Later

T on C

T on C

 

She's Married And Geodon Coming Soon

K, she's married but still wants to play. Sorry, but I have respect when it comes to marriage. I'd be open if a seperation arises though. Enough of the personal s***.. Good visit with my new Pdoc this AM, blood results came back Ok besides the chili dogs bringing up the glucose (I lean towards the alcohol during Super Sunday) for the higher count. Gotta have fun! The Pdoc will be tiering me off of Haldol, replacing it with Geodon since it's less expensive than Abilify, which I tried earlier o

T on C

T on C

 

Sleep Is Overated

Sleep? Nah, count me out for at least a week. I feel it coming in, almost like excitement.This sucks. Later

T on C

T on C

 

The Rainforest

It's time to head West for a nice drive to the Hoh Rainforest. 3 hrs to and from is a stretch this time of year with 10+ hrs of sun makes for a short, but helpful visit. Take the 1st exit past Neah Bay, head on to 3rd beach. 200 + foot pathway going down, climb over some beach logs and zen out watching the Pacific do it's magic.   Turn around and go up the hill to acoid the creek below. Cross a rickey bridge and head up the path. Notice the sky is closing by the Cedars, Pines and Firs. You're

T on C

T on C

 

Securing Yourself

Anything past 180 days was a mandatory 60 days off on land. Deprogramming was a must by staying at a hotel room for 3 days. Either order out pizza and alcohol or take a quick jaunt around Seattle, or Anchorage if you were fishing in the USA Or the places you have to sleep from point A to B, like waiting 72 hrs for a Dutch to Ak. The Grand Aleutian was always a secure stay. When I got home I did another 10 or so days before coming out in the sun. Nowadays the old is following the new. Finding

T on C

T on C

 

7-11 Crunch

Pretty sad. Went to the neighborhood store and realized I was crunching on plastic pens with brillo pad pieces. Must have been dumped a while back and the rain washed them out...gross. And this is life in a small town. But on the plus there's a lot of naval activity in the area, I think a Carrier is in. Good bucks for the local biz, stay safe everyone! Later

T on C

T on C

 

This Is Hard Rip Kali

I raised her, Kali loved me like no other cat ever had. Always had a.old robe set on the bed where she would curl up and sleep with me. Sometimes I'd wake up with bird feathers but that was her way of saying I love you. Bye babe

T on C

T on C

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