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About this blog

Pretty much what the inside of my mind really looks like.

Entries in this blog

Standing at the Edge

Standing at the edge of the world as I know it Falling fast and hard  The darkest corners of my mind await me;  And pain clawing at my soul my only fate Then lost within myself I see you as a beacon of hope Your hand outstretched to take mine Fingers entwining, hearts beating in perfect sync You are my home.

DialAForAlan

DialAForAlan

Stranded

My heart longs for its home But what if home is not there upon my return? For I am older than the galaxy And older than time itself. Stranded without a guide, I lay awake at night waiting For my call to leave, my chance to fly But it never happens, and so I stay In a world where I am unknown My soul desires to be free, But what if I cannot be saved?

DialAForAlan

DialAForAlan

At a loss...

Even if I'm not the only autistic person who gets extremely territorial over their special interest(s), it's definitely become a ginormous problem in the last five years or so. I've honestly reported and/or blocked people in the past cause I'm so territorial over them; plus, I think I may have even scared a few people off in the past cause of it, online or otherwise. During this pandemic, I've had a lot of time for thinking cause, let's face it, there isn't much else to do, and I genuinely

DialAForAlan

DialAForAlan

Broken

Do you hear my broken soul Crying out to yours? Will you listen to my heart And feel it beat for you? Without your love and guidance, I would disappear like mist Or unwanted smudges on a page. For you calm the endless storms That rage inside my mind.            

DialAForAlan

DialAForAlan

Pawprints on my Heart

I originally intended for my Blue plush to be a stand-in for Joshy cause there aren't any plush versions of him, but it kinda backfired cause now I have feelings for her too (even though I don't have my plush yet). Plus, when a friend referred to her as their baby girl a few days ago, I felt an intense surge of jealousy like no, she's my baby girl, and I just wanted to protect her from them.    I want to shout it from the rooftops but I can't cause it's really unorthodox and maybe even wr

DialAForAlan

DialAForAlan

Feeling Blue

Tomorrow morning, the final episode for season one of Blue's Clues & You airs and I'm not even close to being ready, nor do I want my Joshy to go yet. Yes, we're getting at least two more seasons, but most of those episodes are going to be actual new episodes and not remakes. Unlike a lot of others, I love the remakes - to the point where I might not want to watch anymore if it's all new content. Honestly, every time I think about it, I feel like crying my eyes out (but I won't cause it

DialAForAlan

DialAForAlan

A Blanketful of Love

Run away with me Take my hand in yours. Feel the beating of our hearts. Buried deep within. Tell me your innermost thoughts Let your words wash over me. Hold me close if I should cry Cocooned in a blanketful of love. Kiss me softly, kiss me tenderly, Breathe new life into my broken soul; Mend my wounded heart.

DialAForAlan

DialAForAlan

You Called Me Beautiful

When you called me beautiful My world began to spin And it was then I knew Our hearts would someday meld. When I heard your laugh And the thoughts inside your heart I thought I heard an angel's voice Calling out to me from deep within my soul. Every time your smile crossed your face And your eyes were all aglow I knew I had come home.

DialAForAlan

DialAForAlan

This is my moment

I was the highest bidder in an online charity auction and I won a 15 minute Zoom video chat with Josh Dela Cruz. I'm...I can't believe I actually won. Nor can I believe it's really going to happen. I...I'm in shock and...just...oh my josh. I get to spend 15 minutes with somebody who is very, very special to me. Yes, I know it's strange to love somebody like him the way I do, but you can't help who you fall in love with. I wish I knew how to thank him for everything he's done for me thus far

DialAForAlan

DialAForAlan

Please don't feel obligated to read this. It's stupid.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Nor do I feel like I'm truly living due to the pandemic and everything else that's going on. More than anything, I just want to not be so anxious all the time. I want to be able to leave my apartment without feeling like I'm going to catch the virus within seconds if I'm not wearing a mask and two pairs of gloves. In short, I want to be able to do things again and not feel so panicky in general.   I have a support system, of course, but I don't wa

DialAForAlan

DialAForAlan

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