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About this blog

My resolutions for '52 Small Steps' on The Mighty (dot com, a mental health support website). 

Entries in this blog


Meds Update / Walking Update

So I basically have not been walking.  I've been on Hydroxyzine for about a year now, for my anxiety. Before that I was taking Benadryl.  The Benadryl was not cutting it, and I'd been trying in vain with that for years.  My doc (not psychiatrist, family doc/GP) finally started me on Hydroxyzine, and the help has been tremendous.  It cuts my anxiety by at least 90% on non trigger days.  When I'm triggered, it helps dampen what I feel by about 75% - so the effectiveness goes down somewhat, but it

Week of Wed, October 23rd

Okay, I am failing. Miserably.  I have been so down and so exhausted.  I really think my exhaustion is partly my body not having nearly constant anxiety/adrenaline coursing through it, for nearly a year now.  The last couple months I have been really fragging exhausted.  I know I'm out of shape, but it feels like a deeper exhaustion than that.  And I think it is also partly my body just being tired of the spring time change and not being able to hack it anymore. It has been increasingly difficul

Week of Wed, October 16th

I'm hoping I'm starting to be on the tail end of this utter exhaustion thing.  All I want to do is sleep.  I've been on Hydroxyzine/Atarax for about a year now, and I wonder if part of my exhaustion is just the absence of constant low level anxiety, punctuated with bouts of anxiety or panic attack.  It doesn't feel like 'depression tired' - does that make sense?  The exhaustion is physical, and affects my mental energy, as opposed to exhaustion being mental and affecting my physical energy.  I"m

Week of Wed, October 9th

I have been unbelievably exhausted in the morning, especially considering that I am generally getting to bed at the unholy early hour of roughly 930pm.  I think my body is finally tired of the spring time change - my natural circadian rhythm seems to match the fall time change best. I wind up spending most of the year feeling like I'm not quite getting enough sleep.  Wed, Oct 9th storms threatening this morning - will have to try later; - too hot after work, didn't make it Thu, Oct 10t

Week of Wed, October 2nd

Wed, Oct 2nd  I nearly didn't get out this morning - for the last few years or so, showering has been a bit of an athletic event for me.  But I did -sometimes showering feels like an accomplishment.  Wed, Oct 2nd   650am, 75F, .54 miles/10 mins, hr152 - nice breeze this morning Thu, Oct 3rd  It's raining this morning - looks to last most of the day; I'll have to try the gym after work; 600pm, walked around the neighborhood between storms - .81miles/15 minutes, hr 144, temps 57F Fr

Week of Wed, September 25th

Wed, Sep 25th  640am, 69F, .54 miles/10 minutes; hr 144 ; mowing the lawn, about 645pm, half an hour - only emptied the bag twice, grass wasn't too long thank God - still exhausted!  Because wimp apparently. Thu, Sep 26th  705am, 69F, .54 miles/9 minutes; hr156 Fri, Sep 27th  skipped Sat, Sep 28th  @730pm, 83F?, .81miles/13 minutes - wow!  hr 152 Sun, Sep 29th  815pm, 82F, .54 miles/8mins - hr196 - I really pushed it too hard Mon, Sep 30th weeded garden for 45 minutes to

Week of Wed, September 18th

Sorry for the delay in getting this up... I've been at a work conference the last couple days, and decided not to take my laptop with me.  So. Much. Walking!  And sitting.  But hubby was able to go with me, so it was good.  Wound up being sort of a mini holiday. Wed., Sept. 18th  Hubby & I estimated about 3 miles total, between walking back and forth between the conference center & our hotel, walking around the conference center & exhibits, and walking back from an evening confe




Week of Wed, September 11th

Wed, Sept 11th   640am, 72F, .54miles/9 mins, hr 144 Thu, Sept 12th  skipped so far (a.m.) Fri, Sept 13th  630am, 68F,  .54miles/9 mins, hr 160 Sat, Sept 14th  skipped Sun, Sept 15th  mowed for an hour - 40 mins, break, 15 mins, break, 15 mins done.  It really nearly did me in. And temps only got up to about 86F.  Mon, Sept 16th skipped Tue, Sept 17th  645am, 68F, .54 miles/9 mins, hr 140   Sept. 11th - my old family doc retired and I saw my new doc - a Ph




Week of Wed, September 4th

Sorry for dropping the ball with this walking thing - I've been struggling quite a lot internally lately.  Wed Sept 4th  @700am - .54miles/10 minutes - nice and cool, about 68F, hr 136 Thu Sept 5th  @700am - .26 miles/5 minutes - 69F, hr 148 Fri Sept 6th  @710am - .54 miles/9 minutes - 68F, hr 160 Sat Sept 7th  @710am - .54 miles/9 minutes- 69F, hr 144 Sun Sept 8th missed  😕 Mon Sept 9th  missed 😕 Tue Sept 10th  @640am - .54 miles/10 minutes - 79F, hr 156




Week of Aug. 28th

You all have my apologies for my inconsistency and struggle the last couple weeks or so.... I feel like I let you guys down when I cannot get out and walk.  Sometimes it's all I can do just to wake up and breathe, you know?  Wed Aug 28th - .54 miles/9 minutes - hr 144 taken near end; 700am, @72F Thu Aug 29th - .54 miles/9 minutes - hr 148 taken near end; 630am, @74F  Fri Aug 30  missed - rainy before & after work Sat Aug 31 - missed - rainy, car show made things too crowd

Week of Aug. 21st

I've really been struggling lately.  It was all I could do just to get up this morning... I nearly didn't get out, and then only for about five minutes and because I thought of it as a mindfulness exercise.  I am thinking of trying beginner hiit - there's a group called HasFit that has a free youtube video of cardio hiit for beginners.  It's 30 minutes, and I don't think I'm up for that, so I think I might alternate walking with 15 minutes of that.  I think I might be getting bored of my routine

Week of Aug. 14th

I'm trying to figure out if I can retroactively give certain others permissions to add their own progress to my blog entries, besides in the comments. So far, I have not had any luck. I don't want to scrap the progress I've tracked so far, though.  Sorry.  Feel free to post your progress in the comments. Part of last week I went to see one of my kids, so I wasn't very good at all about posting progress. For that, apologies.  I didn't even take my laptop, lol.  A real vacay.   My schedule wa

Week of Aug 7th

LOL I keep forgetting that Wednesday is my day to start a new entry... This week has been a little messed up so far, but I'm still trying to keep up with it. I've decided to give myself a rest day every 6 days or so.  I cannot explain how achy everything is. I"m not sure I'm doing the right thing by keeping up with this. But how could simple walking be bad?  Maybe I need to drink more Gatorade or try vitamins or something. Wednesday, Aug. 7th  treadmill 35 mins total - 20 mins @3.2mph on 1.

Week of July 31st

I am starting a new routine.  I botched the old one last weekend, but I'm telling myself that's okay.  My youngest wants to work out at the gym, too.  So I am starting a new routine of working out at the gym after work so she can go too. I prefer the treadmill because my pace is really inconsistent otherwise. My first day doing that was yesterday.  This morning I still got up early and did a few minutes of yoga.  Only 7 minutes, but I'm working into it. I was able to spend most of the morning re

Week of July 24th

Okay, so we are back to the exhaustion.  And now I have a cold sore. Yuck. Thanks for nothing, stress. But I am practically ready to send my first report in - some final details, and off it goes for better or worse.   Wed July 24th  .83mi/14 mins - getting closer to my old time, before my ankle started bothering me Thu July 25th  after work; took me 17 mins to walk .77 miles. Not too far off my time, but I was in a lot of pain that evening Fri July 26th  .79mi/15 mins - loade

Week of July 17th

It's dark days.... It's all I can do to get myself out there.  It's all I can do to take a shower every three days. Thank god I work in an office.  I've been doing my minimal route - about 5-7 minutes, depending on how my ankle is feeling.  God, I love hormones.  Not.  I really need some positivity and encouragement this week.                                            Wed July 17th   .28mi/6 mins - so hard to get out.... Thu July 18th   .28mi/6 mins - and a shower

Week of July 10th

21 days!!!!!! Don't think you cannot do it..... you can!  (  @JD4010  @Depressedgurl007   @nojoy  @Natasha1   ) Anything you can do is better than nothing..... End of the driveway?  End of the block?  Awesome!       Wed July 10   1.1 mi/19 mins - my Pacer app mysteriously deducted .3 miles, but I'm using the distance that comes up most often. Thurs July 11   1.35 mi/25 mins - 530 this morning - I am maybe starting to get better about getting up ins

Week of Wednesday, July 3rd

Wow!  Today (July 3rd) makes 14 straight days of me getting up and walking in the morning!!!!!                     I'm not actually sure if Dean would approve, but I"m pretty sure he would appreciate the effort.  Okay, so he probably wouldn't care, but it helps to think he might. I almost didn't get out and walk because my ankle has flared up again.  But I told myself to just get out and walk my short 5 minute walk, and once I got outside - an hour earlier than usua

Week of Wednesday, June 26th

Well, I've been battling ankle pain and stiffness - I am using the insoles my family doc recommended, and it has helped the pain in my heel and foot sole tremendously. I still have places of weakness in my ankle, doc says this is basically an old injury flaring up. In addition, our car went into the shop Tuesday June 25th, hopefully we get it back by tomorrow.  Bad bearings in the tires and some loose wires in the ABS system.  So wow, thank you Higher Power for keeping us safe thus far.  Anyway,

Starting Over...

I feel like I'm starting over with my walking regimen.  And I guess I am. I missed so much - about a month, I think - that I essentially am back to square one.  I am trying to look at it as a chance to reset my thinking.  For now, my goal is to get out and walk for 9 minutes every morning when I get up.  I'm reminding myself that 9 minutes is better than no minutes. Likewise, 5 or 6 minutes is better than no minutes. I'm trying to work myself up to a 15 minute minimum by about mid July.  At that

Progress... Sort Of

I made it around my 3/4 mile loop. It took me 15 minutes, and I still had some ankle pain near the end, but I did it.  I am hoping to be able to do that every day.  I don't know how long I'll have to keep it up before I can extend time or distance. I guess when I get to the point where I don't have any ankle/heel pain or discomfort, I'll extend it. I hate leaving it that open, because it's too easy to just keep delaying progress.  Wednesday, May 12th    .81 miles/16 minutes  (Gojira) T

A Stumbling Block...

Just wanted to update anyone who might accidentally give a f*ck or two.... I have been experiencing quite an irritating amount of heal and ankle pain in my left foot.  To the point that I can barely walk.  I talked to my doc and he says plantar fasciitis.  I've got some shoe insoles he recommended, and I'm looking at exercises for my foot.  I hope I can get back into walking soon. I may have to start out much slower than I want to.  I think I might need to build up to what I was doing (20-25mins

Week of Monday, April 15th

My biggest lesson lately has also been my hardest - learning to forgive myself when I fall short.  I have problem forgiving others; it's just me I never seem to accept 'reasons' for.  I either pass or I fail.  Believe it or not that's an improvement from years ago when I had to exceed my goals or fail.  Yep.  I could meet my goals and still manage to see myself as a failure.  I have a real talent for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory - it's a tough one to overcome.  Monday, April 15

Week of Monday, April 8th

I've missed quite a bit the last couple weeks - either being sick, or walking so much last Saturday that my hips just ached for a day or so.  Monday, April 8th- 1.56 miles, 30 mins - on the way home after work @530, it was nearly 90F, so I was actually in the beginning stages of heat exhaustion when I got home.  Weenie me, I know. Tuesday, April 9th- yay for the gym - 60  mins, 3.1 miles on the treadmill.  30 mins with heartrate at 145-148; 20 mins with heartrate at 133-140; 10 mins wi

Week of Monday, April 1st

I've been sick since Saturday, so I've missed several days already. I had to take off work yesterday from feeling like crap.  It's just a bad cold, but I've had a low grade fever, mondo aches & chills, and the sinus drainage is making me queasy.  Too much fun for me.  It's back to the grindstone, even though I dont feel much better. Doubt I will make my workout or walk today either. Monday, April 1- missed walking or workout due to being sick; also missed work Tuesday, April 2- sti
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