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Getting started...

I don't know if I'm jumping onto this too fast again and being impatient. But I want to give it a shot. This blog will be mainly dedicated to observing my external progress aside from my internal(spiritual) progress.  It's still at an early stage, but ever since I've gotten more into gospels in the bible, my anger and anxiety became more manageable. Compare to all that I have tried, the bible's been working the most effectively to me. It even keeps me from reverting to rely on some other substances(cannabis, caffeine, other nootropics) for my mental and emotional struggles. It's been a month. So I'm going to continue to dedicate onto relying on gospel for my anxiety, depression, and other internal issues.  But as I was dealing with my internal issues, my external progress had suffered. I'm still a bit hesitant about jumping back onto my wagon to change my external circumstances, because of the fear that I will neglect what I "gained" through bible and prioritize my external progress and revert back to being vulnerable to anger and anxiety. But I want to give it a shot.  Because there are things that slipped off more than to my liking. So here are the list. 1. Saving Money: I've been eating out too much and not focusing on saving money. It's a no no. Because not only it made my wallet thinner, but also it's affecting my health(eating unhealthy).  2. Diet: It's tied to number one. Once I get into habit of eating junk, it just continues.  3. Internet: I really want to cut my internet usage, so I don't waste time and when I do, it affects my focus, motivation and mood as well. So except for using it for important purposes such as checking my E-mail and doing some important research, I want to refrain from using it. It's just that it gets a bit tough to not slip away, especially when my boy's using the internet. Because we tend to watch movies together online.  4. Physical fitness(MMA): I quit my boxing/MMA gym a couple of months ago, trying to sort out internal issues(stress, anxiety, depression, anger, and etc.). This had been quietly eating me inside(not training and not making any progress). When I was going, I definitely saw some changes. My skills were definitely improving, but my stamina wasn't up to par to my liking and very unstable. Plus, morale was low. I was still struggling mentally and physically. I'm still trying to figure out if it's mainly mental issue or it's also my physical issue that's been affecting my performance. But for now my goal is to get back on cardio and get my cardio good enough so I'm a bit more confident enough to not be struggling overall. And eventually find a gym or go back to my old one, so I'm back on the wagon.  The main thing that worries me is, as I have mentioned above, that my mentality can revert back to my old ways. When I try to get more disciplined to change my external circumstances, my internal state can suffer. I can get more aggressive, get more impatient, and in less control of my anxieties.  We'll see...

JJayy

JJayy

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