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About this blog

I will be talking about my mental health and daily life. If I ramble on about nothing, that's my therapy in action. :)

Entries in this blog

 

A Struggle; Depression

I have been trying to quit smoking for a long time now. Mom smokes too and when I quit for 3 days in June, she quit too but it was like living with Satan. Or at least a wrathful God. Anyway, I've been burning incense hoping that the smell of it will help me to quit. Also I tried meditation but my mom came in my room and jerked the headphones off my head and said "you were sleeping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" This was at 6 or 7 am, and I had just woke up, after having a bad

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

A Big Sleep; Universe Enlightens me; Siddhartha; Books; Dreams and Memory

I slept all day yesterday! Missed everything. Even missed getting a package, so we had to go to the ups store and get it. I got a book. I was collecting books by this author this month. I feel like the Universe is making up for lost time with me. I turned on my xbox to watch youtube. Watching vids by Edge of Wonder. They were talking about Prophecy and Messiah. Then the next video that came on was about Enlightenment. I was like... wow! They even mentioned Siddhartha... a book I actually go

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

My Ginko Biloba Experiment

I was testing the Ginko Biloba that I used to take in high school.... I was trying it as a night-time remedy for remembering my dreams. Indeed, I did remember them. However, there were a few things that made it all worse.   Anger and irritability: It caused me to be more angry and irritable upon waking. It lasted til the early evening. Not good. Sweating: I have hyperhidrosis already, but it made the sweating even more worse. Very Vivid Dreams: My dreams were so vivid th

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Jamark8

 

Mistakes

I've been gone for a while because I was trying to sort out a problem that I recently had. I had obviously made a mistake, or I call it that. I'm afraid to tell what it is because I don't want people thinking the wrong things about me. But.. well, I had to see my psych doc on the 28th of January. He has me prescribed Cymbalta, Lorazepam, and he used to have me on Invega, but I had a seizure, so I quit taking it for the rest of last month. So, I wasn't on my antipsychotic med. I went about 2 1/2

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Jamark8

 

Old Friend; Exercise; Eye Exam; Feelings

I was talking to a friend I had been with as a girlfriend for a little while... we broke it up after a week, but I'm very nervous to talk to her, but she seems to be doing very well, and I'm glad, very very happy for her. She is smiling in her pictures, and with a new guy, and I am sincerely so happy for her. She needed someone decent for her. I walked 10 minutes today. I'm getting back into exercise. I wish I could stick with it. Everyday. My eyes need checked. I have trouble to see m

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Jamark8

 

For Smiles, My Dog

This is my doggie daughter. Her name is Baby. But she likes to be called "BoBo" in front of the cats. I hope this picture of my doggie daughter brings many smiles to many faces this New Year. I love you guys.

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Jamark8

 

Guidance from the Universe

I had a spiritual awakening in April 2018. Since then, I've been contacted and guided in my daily life. I constantly see repeating numbers. Certain groups of numbers. I also see flamingos. They're everywhere. But the way I know that the Universe is guiding me is the numbers. I'll happen to glance at the clock, and there is one of my many numbers. I see it on receipts too, and other places. Wherever there's a set of numbers, I'm certain I'll find mine. I've also been led to this thing called

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Jamark8

 

Something needed to talk about; Food and Weight; More incense; Magazine; Joy

I'm embarrassed to talk about this, but hoping I can get into one of the forums here to talk about some stuff going on in my life right now that needs to be dealt with before it gets worse. So funny, and ironic, that there's nothing online about it unless you pay (forums included) so I wonder... if it's such a problem among people, why is there no help out there for free? I ate spaghetti tonight. And ate too much. My stomach is almost distinted (however you spell it) because of it. Lately I

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Jamark8

 

Medication; Celebrating New Year; Scar; Numbers; Scary Video; Incense; Changes; Confidence

I'm feeling much better right now. I'm surprised but assume it's only because of a medication I'm on now. I've also been taking the Cymbalta that was changed from Wellbutrin. Wellbutrin is good, but it doesn't take away as much depression as Cymbalta. However, if I would have stayed with it and quit buying cigs, I would have been able to quit smoking. I know it. But I just didn't have the willpower. I know I can still quit. I don't have to have a medication to quit. I just need to be ready to gi

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

2 latest collages

I made these two tonight. These are fun to make. Gets my mind off depression. It's better than sitting there staring at the wall, doing nothing. I hope you guys like them :)  

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Jamark8

 

Merry Christmas; thoughts; meh.

I'm beginning to wonder why I stay on the computer so long. I took a 6 month break away once. Then I didn't want to get back on! Been seeing things out the corner of my eyes the past week, it is worse today. Shadow people blacker than black. They keep looking around the corner at me. And last night I saw what looked like smoke in the living room, but I wasn't smoking in there, I was headed to the kitchen from my room. When I took some pictures, I saw orbs, but they left before I could

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Everything Will Be Okay; Tiny Lessons

I tortured myself as I usually do, thinking and jumping to conclusions, the worst case scenario. Synchronicities piece things together with reassurance. And the Universe is for me, right beside me, Gratitude shows up everywhere. My dominant thoughts become my dominant experiences and reality. I believe in the Secret. Now I must only apply it in full. The past I cannot change, it is gone, and the future is out of my control Be Present. The Present is the Pa

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Jamark8

 

Physical Pain; Speak As If; Action; Thought; Beliefs and Experience

I'm having physical pain - neck and shoulder. I know what it's from: DDD in the neck, and the shoulder, I fell out of bed not long ago. Speak as if it's already there. Speak as if it's already true. Speak as if you've already got it. Believe, then receive. NOT receive, then believe. This Universe was first spoken (breath / spirit) before it manifested physically. Think about that. Action. You move first. Then the Universe will take it from there. If you don't move, if you don't show th

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Jamark8

A test

A test

I'm testing to see if my background picture will show up.

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Jamark8

 

Gratitude; Mantra; Confidence Vs. Arrogance

I am thankful for you guys. And this website. You guys have been a great encouragement to me, and this site has been a great resource. Coming here when I've been depressed has helped me tremendously. The caring hearts and kind words that live here are inspiring. I feel very thankful to have met you guys, and found this website. Lately there have been certain words pop up in my life: Courage Confidence Humility Focus Trust Perspective Responsibility Fear Vs. Love Action

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

My absence; More LOA studies; Vision Boards;

My absence; I do not remember the last time I came on here. And I didn't mean to be absent here. I love talking to you guys on this forum. I had been very sick back in March and went to ER and they kept me in the hospital for 4 days, pumping antibiotics (pennacillin, spelling?) in my IV, giving me nausea med in IV that made me get worse sick at my stomach at first.. so they'd then just put in the pain meds first, then the nausea med. So anyway, I've been taking some time off the c

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Dreading Blood Test; Ghosts; Mikael; Zombies; Scared Lonely; Orders; Niece and Nephew; Being Sick

I was getting ready to go to bed but dread came over me. That deep depression feeling, not as strong a foreboding though. Just dread. I must get the blood test in the morning. I was going to go this morning but decided not to. I dread it. What if the test results show I have...it? I've just had so many doctors and appointments and illnesses that I don't need another. However, this, if I'm diagnosed, will explain my hyperhidrosis (constant profusely sweating). I'm nervous about the morning.

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Notes from the videos I posted earlier

Notes from Infinite Waters videos Keywords: Confidence and Courage Confidence is moving out of your comfort zone. Having courage is that while you are still afraid, you are still facing your fears. And fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. 1. The future as my mind tells me it is, is FEAR. 2. Ghosts are FEAR. 3. The Dark is FEAR. (Those are my fears. You may replace mine with yours, but every fear IS FEAR - False Evidence Appearing Real). Get out of y

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Jamark8

 

Universe Size Comparison

If I may post a link, please... This will show you that though how tiny we are compared to the Universe, the Universe still cares for us. 🙂    

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Jamark8

 

Responsibility; Gratitude; Notes I took from a Video

What you seek, you already have. It's inside you. All along we often go out of ourselves to seek truth and wisdom. But it's inside us. YOU are the power you are searching for. Enlightenment is knowing how much you don't know. (Wisdom) What you believe creates your reality. Seeking Truth and Wisdom? You're on the right path now. When you don't want it, that's when it comes. People always give up right before the magic happens. What you believe creates your re

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Notes taken from a Tony Robbins motivational speech

My Notes From a video called "The 3 Steps to a Breakthrough | Tony Robbins" Having courage is that while you are still afraid, you are still facing your fears. And fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. 1. The future as my mind tells me it is, is FEAR. 2. Ghosts are FEAR. 3. The Dark is FEAR. (Those are my fears. You may replace mine with yours, but every fear IS FEAR - False Evidence Appearing Real). Get out of your comfort zone and do something that even you

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Not a whole lot going on at the forums, I see

I seen and noticed that there are very old posts and not a whole lot going on in the forums. I guess I was used to other forums, the bigger ones, that have like a million users online at once. But it gives it a peaceful ambience here. Did I use that word correctly? I hope so. 🙂  

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