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About this blog

I will be talking about my mental health and daily life. If I ramble on about nothing, that's my therapy in action. :)

Entries in this blog

 

A Struggle; Depression

I have been trying to quit smoking for a long time now. Mom smokes too and when I quit for 3 days in June, she quit too but it was like living with Satan. Or at least a wrathful God. Anyway, I've been burning incense hoping that the smell of it will help me to quit. Also I tried meditation but my mom came in my room and jerked the headphones off my head and said "you were sleeping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" This was at 6 or 7 am, and I had just woke up, after having a bad

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Guidance from the Universe

I had a spiritual awakening in April 2018. Since then, I've been contacted and guided in my daily life. I constantly see repeating numbers. Certain groups of numbers. I also see flamingos. They're everywhere. But the way I know that the Universe is guiding me is the numbers. I'll happen to glance at the clock, and there is one of my many numbers. I see it on receipts too, and other places. Wherever there's a set of numbers, I'm certain I'll find mine. I've also been led to this thing called

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

For Smiles, My Dog

This is my doggie daughter. Her name is Baby. But she likes to be called "BoBo" in front of the cats. I hope this picture of my doggie daughter brings many smiles to many faces this New Year. I love you guys.

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

A Big Sleep; Universe Enlightens me; Siddhartha; Books; Dreams and Memory

I slept all day yesterday! Missed everything. Even missed getting a package, so we had to go to the ups store and get it. I got a book. I was collecting books by this author this month. I feel like the Universe is making up for lost time with me. I turned on my xbox to watch youtube. Watching vids by Edge of Wonder. They were talking about Prophecy and Messiah. Then the next video that came on was about Enlightenment. I was like... wow! They even mentioned Siddhartha... a book I actually go

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Testing Sig

Just testing the signature. I found out how to make one. 🙂 Finally!

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Some of my Poetry I wanted to share

My Name is Buck I live in the middle, my name is Buck Make a way for me, maybe with luck Beneath me is the basement it is hidden away Above is the attic forbidden, a way. Those Indians make a way for me, my name is Buck Hidden away in the basement is Hell, there I was stuck Forbidden, a way in the attic there is, and Heaven it was. I live in the middle. My name is Buck. I was to choose when the midnight hour struck. Like Aunt Ruth s

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

2 latest collages

I made these two tonight. These are fun to make. Gets my mind off depression. It's better than sitting there staring at the wall, doing nothing. I hope you guys like them :)  

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Safety here online, Depression here offline

I've communicated so far with a few of you and I am very glad I decided to sign up for this forum. So far I have made huge long posts, but only because the more I talk, the better I feel. I hope it stays like this. I feel very safe here talking with you all. But here at my house, in my room, offline, I have depression tonight; I fear it will get worse. I don't need to fear. Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. I've ran through my mind all the things I can do to stop the forebodi

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Notes from my Spirit Life Coach's videos

If there’s no enemy within, the enemy outside can’t hurt you. Lose focus, lose opportunity. The day you plant the seed and the day you eat the fruit are very different. Fall more in love with the process, not just the destination. Watch your words. Trust the Universe. Be patient. Being patient is not about inactivity. It’s about radical action, knowing that the seed you plant today you will not see the fruit of it for a while. But still being okay with it. Fear and

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Leaving a comment on my blog, Christmas, Flamingos, Signs from the Universe

I really enjoy reading and replying to comments left on my blog. I'd really like to see how I'm doing, and if I'm affecting people the right way. I want to be an inspiration, not a hinderance. If I ever get 'out of the way', I hope someone will remind me to stay on track. But I try not to get that way. By the way, Christmas is coming and I'm happy about that. I love holidays. I've bought gifts for all my loved ones except I need to buy mom something else. I just got her a dragonfly kit

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Not a whole lot going on at the forums, I see

I seen and noticed that there are very old posts and not a whole lot going on in the forums. I guess I was used to other forums, the bigger ones, that have like a million users online at once. But it gives it a peaceful ambience here. Did I use that word correctly? I hope so. 🙂  

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Dreading Blood Test; Ghosts; Mikael; Zombies; Scared Lonely; Orders; Niece and Nephew; Being Sick

I was getting ready to go to bed but dread came over me. That deep depression feeling, not as strong a foreboding though. Just dread. I must get the blood test in the morning. I was going to go this morning but decided not to. I dread it. What if the test results show I have...it? I've just had so many doctors and appointments and illnesses that I don't need another. However, this, if I'm diagnosed, will explain my hyperhidrosis (constant profusely sweating). I'm nervous about the morning.

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Kind Members; Christmas lack; Signs; Words of Wisdom

You guys are so kind, thank you for helping me by telling me if you could see my signature or not. I didn't see it last night or this morning. And I was told that it won't show up in the blog here. I appreciate you guys. I've only been here a little while, but everyone I've come across so far has a heart of gold. I am very thankful! A lot of forums have jerks. This one has great people. A little personal thing I've been going through lately is not having enough money. Though I had to b

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Physical Pain; Speak As If; Action; Thought; Beliefs and Experience

I'm having physical pain - neck and shoulder. I know what it's from: DDD in the neck, and the shoulder, I fell out of bed not long ago. Speak as if it's already there. Speak as if it's already true. Speak as if you've already got it. Believe, then receive. NOT receive, then believe. This Universe was first spoken (breath / spirit) before it manifested physically. Think about that. Action. You move first. Then the Universe will take it from there. If you don't move, if you don't show th

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Merry Christmas; thoughts; meh.

I'm beginning to wonder why I stay on the computer so long. I took a 6 month break away once. Then I didn't want to get back on! Been seeing things out the corner of my eyes the past week, it is worse today. Shadow people blacker than black. They keep looking around the corner at me. And last night I saw what looked like smoke in the living room, but I wasn't smoking in there, I was headed to the kitchen from my room. When I took some pictures, I saw orbs, but they left before I could

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Mistakes

I've been gone for a while because I was trying to sort out a problem that I recently had. I had obviously made a mistake, or I call it that. I'm afraid to tell what it is because I don't want people thinking the wrong things about me. But.. well, I had to see my psych doc on the 28th of January. He has me prescribed Cymbalta, Lorazepam, and he used to have me on Invega, but I had a seizure, so I quit taking it for the rest of last month. So, I wasn't on my antipsychotic med. I went about 2 1/2

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Medication; Celebrating New Year; Scar; Numbers; Scary Video; Incense; Changes; Confidence

I'm feeling much better right now. I'm surprised but assume it's only because of a medication I'm on now. I've also been taking the Cymbalta that was changed from Wellbutrin. Wellbutrin is good, but it doesn't take away as much depression as Cymbalta. However, if I would have stayed with it and quit buying cigs, I would have been able to quit smoking. I know it. But I just didn't have the willpower. I know I can still quit. I don't have to have a medication to quit. I just need to be ready to gi

Jamark8

Jamark8

A test

A test

I'm testing to see if my background picture will show up.

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Gratitude; Mantra; Confidence Vs. Arrogance

I am thankful for you guys. And this website. You guys have been a great encouragement to me, and this site has been a great resource. Coming here when I've been depressed has helped me tremendously. The caring hearts and kind words that live here are inspiring. I feel very thankful to have met you guys, and found this website. Lately there have been certain words pop up in my life: Courage Confidence Humility Focus Trust Perspective Responsibility Fear Vs. Love Action

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Old Friend; Exercise; Eye Exam; Feelings

I was talking to a friend I had been with as a girlfriend for a little while... we broke it up after a week, but I'm very nervous to talk to her, but she seems to be doing very well, and I'm glad, very very happy for her. She is smiling in her pictures, and with a new guy, and I am sincerely so happy for her. She needed someone decent for her. I walked 10 minutes today. I'm getting back into exercise. I wish I could stick with it. Everyday. My eyes need checked. I have trouble to see m

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

CBD Oil in Vaping

I've been using CBD Oil in my Vape. I've noticed that when I go up in the milligrams, it works better and quicker. I began with 200mg. Then 300mg. Now I'm at 500mg and I noticed a huge difference. A difference in my physical pain level. It's helping the pain to not be as intense. A difference in anxiety. I feel more confident to be able to go out of the house because the anxiety has decreased with the use of CBD Oil. Even depression isn't as severe. I hope they keep doing research

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Online Stuff; Elephant and Monkey; Gratitude

I created a custom shirt, bought it, then had someone else create the same thing, except a little different, and bought that. I also bought myself 2 decks of cards - both inspirational-type. Yes, I splurged. This is my Christmas gift to myself. 🙂 I'll be very happy with it. My mom bought me an Elephant. Not a real one, but a big fuzzy one. He won't replace Munk Monkey. Munk Monkey will stay on my bed too. I just got a new friend for Munk. And for me too. Toys have always been good for

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

My Ginko Biloba Experiment

I was testing the Ginko Biloba that I used to take in high school.... I was trying it as a night-time remedy for remembering my dreams. Indeed, I did remember them. However, there were a few things that made it all worse.   Anger and irritability: It caused me to be more angry and irritable upon waking. It lasted til the early evening. Not good. Sweating: I have hyperhidrosis already, but it made the sweating even more worse. Very Vivid Dreams: My dreams were so vivid th

Jamark8

Jamark8

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