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About this blog

I will be talking about my mental health and daily life. If I ramble on about nothing, that's my therapy in action. :)

Entries in this blog

 

CBD Oil in Vaping

I've been using CBD Oil in my Vape. I've noticed that when I go up in the milligrams, it works better and quicker. I began with 200mg. Then 300mg. Now I'm at 500mg and I noticed a huge difference. A difference in my physical pain level. It's helping the pain to not be as intense. A difference in anxiety. I feel more confident to be able to go out of the house because the anxiety has decreased with the use of CBD Oil. Even depression isn't as severe. I hope they keep doing research

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Update; depression and anxiety; love; an old friend long lost

Update: I have some scary news. Sort-of. Well, if you have read my other blog posts, I think I mentioned I have a spine condition that … well.. has no cure. I had surgery on my Lumbar Spine (lower back) to fuse the bone on two levels. I have titanium rods and screws in it. The scary news is that my neck has been giving me trouble lately. I've already got a pinched nerve which causes my entire right arm to go numb and tingly if I do not take my medication for it. Well, I'll soon be

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

My absence; More LOA studies; Vision Boards;

My absence; I do not remember the last time I came on here. And I didn't mean to be absent here. I love talking to you guys on this forum. I had been very sick back in March and went to ER and they kept me in the hospital for 4 days, pumping antibiotics (pennacillin, spelling?) in my IV, giving me nausea med in IV that made me get worse sick at my stomach at first.. so they'd then just put in the pain meds first, then the nausea med. So anyway, I've been taking some time off the c

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Everything Will Be Okay; Tiny Lessons

I tortured myself as I usually do, thinking and jumping to conclusions, the worst case scenario. Synchronicities piece things together with reassurance. And the Universe is for me, right beside me, Gratitude shows up everywhere. My dominant thoughts become my dominant experiences and reality. I believe in the Secret. Now I must only apply it in full. The past I cannot change, it is gone, and the future is out of my control Be Present. The Present is the Pa

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Mistakes

I've been gone for a while because I was trying to sort out a problem that I recently had. I had obviously made a mistake, or I call it that. I'm afraid to tell what it is because I don't want people thinking the wrong things about me. But.. well, I had to see my psych doc on the 28th of January. He has me prescribed Cymbalta, Lorazepam, and he used to have me on Invega, but I had a seizure, so I quit taking it for the rest of last month. So, I wasn't on my antipsychotic med. I went about 2 1/2

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

My Ginko Biloba Experiment

I was testing the Ginko Biloba that I used to take in high school.... I was trying it as a night-time remedy for remembering my dreams. Indeed, I did remember them. However, there were a few things that made it all worse.   Anger and irritability: It caused me to be more angry and irritable upon waking. It lasted til the early evening. Not good. Sweating: I have hyperhidrosis already, but it made the sweating even more worse. Very Vivid Dreams: My dreams were so vivid th

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Something needed to talk about; Food and Weight; More incense; Magazine; Joy

I'm embarrassed to talk about this, but hoping I can get into one of the forums here to talk about some stuff going on in my life right now that needs to be dealt with before it gets worse. So funny, and ironic, that there's nothing online about it unless you pay (forums included) so I wonder... if it's such a problem among people, why is there no help out there for free? I ate spaghetti tonight. And ate too much. My stomach is almost distinted (however you spell it) because of it. Lately I

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Old Friend; Exercise; Eye Exam; Feelings

I was talking to a friend I had been with as a girlfriend for a little while... we broke it up after a week, but I'm very nervous to talk to her, but she seems to be doing very well, and I'm glad, very very happy for her. She is smiling in her pictures, and with a new guy, and I am sincerely so happy for her. She needed someone decent for her. I walked 10 minutes today. I'm getting back into exercise. I wish I could stick with it. Everyday. My eyes need checked. I have trouble to see m

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

A Big Sleep; Universe Enlightens me; Siddhartha; Books; Dreams and Memory

I slept all day yesterday! Missed everything. Even missed getting a package, so we had to go to the ups store and get it. I got a book. I was collecting books by this author this month. I feel like the Universe is making up for lost time with me. I turned on my xbox to watch youtube. Watching vids by Edge of Wonder. They were talking about Prophecy and Messiah. Then the next video that came on was about Enlightenment. I was like... wow! They even mentioned Siddhartha... a book I actually go

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Gratitude; Mantra; Confidence Vs. Arrogance

I am thankful for you guys. And this website. You guys have been a great encouragement to me, and this site has been a great resource. Coming here when I've been depressed has helped me tremendously. The caring hearts and kind words that live here are inspiring. I feel very thankful to have met you guys, and found this website. Lately there have been certain words pop up in my life: Courage Confidence Humility Focus Trust Perspective Responsibility Fear Vs. Love Action

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

2 latest collages

I made these two tonight. These are fun to make. Gets my mind off depression. It's better than sitting there staring at the wall, doing nothing. I hope you guys like them :)  

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Notes taken from a Tony Robbins motivational speech

My Notes From a video called "The 3 Steps to a Breakthrough | Tony Robbins" Having courage is that while you are still afraid, you are still facing your fears. And fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. 1. The future as my mind tells me it is, is FEAR. 2. Ghosts are FEAR. 3. The Dark is FEAR. (Those are my fears. You may replace mine with yours, but every fear IS FEAR - False Evidence Appearing Real). Get out of your comfort zone and do something that even you

Jamark8

Jamark8

A test

A test

I'm testing to see if my background picture will show up.

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Notes from the videos I posted earlier

Notes from Infinite Waters videos Keywords: Confidence and Courage Confidence is moving out of your comfort zone. Having courage is that while you are still afraid, you are still facing your fears. And fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. 1. The future as my mind tells me it is, is FEAR. 2. Ghosts are FEAR. 3. The Dark is FEAR. (Those are my fears. You may replace mine with yours, but every fear IS FEAR - False Evidence Appearing Real). Get out of y

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

4 Videos on Confidence and Breakthroughs

I hope you guys can see these o.k. I'm sorry I've posted 4 of them, but they were extremely helpful and full of wisdom, and helped me get out of my blue slump today. I hope it helps you too. Take notes!!            

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Collages; I wish I could touch you and you know what I know now

I've been pretty depressed, so I got busy, keeping myself busy with something so the depression wouldn't be felt as terribly, and to keep my mind active through it; active on something else. I made two collages. I've got about 3-4 more posterboards I can use to do more. And I'm still cutting out of magazines now. I'll post the pictures. I hope you all will like them. It's mostly words, but a few pictures that mean something to me. I wish I could touch you all, and you would then k

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

For Smiles, My Dog

This is my doggie daughter. Her name is Baby. But she likes to be called "BoBo" in front of the cats. I hope this picture of my doggie daughter brings many smiles to many faces this New Year. I love you guys.

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Medication; Celebrating New Year; Scar; Numbers; Scary Video; Incense; Changes; Confidence

I'm feeling much better right now. I'm surprised but assume it's only because of a medication I'm on now. I've also been taking the Cymbalta that was changed from Wellbutrin. Wellbutrin is good, but it doesn't take away as much depression as Cymbalta. However, if I would have stayed with it and quit buying cigs, I would have been able to quit smoking. I know it. But I just didn't have the willpower. I know I can still quit. I don't have to have a medication to quit. I just need to be ready to gi

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

The Last Night of the 2018 World!; Sleep; Source Energy; Mysteries of Sight and Sound

It's almost 2019 world! It feels strange to type it, see it and write it because it seems too futuristic. I was depressed earlier and it lingers a little now. I know if I sleep tonight, I'll feel better. But I don't want to sleep now. It's 1am and I don't want to sleep. I feel like I have things to do. The Source Energy - I found out things today. How would we know infinity if we had nothing to compare it to? How could we know good unless we knew evil? We created 'God' to control one a

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Laundry; Writing; Daily Routines; Diet; Brother; Money; Guidance; Springtime

I've been helping mom a lot with laundry lately. I enjoy getting to help. Because a lot of the time, my body hurts and I have to take meds and take it easy and don't get to do what I'd like to get done. I'll be putting in more today. We need towels done. I woke up today with the Memoir and/or Autobiography on my mind. It more that I just want to tell what I've learned and the stories that go with them. So maybe that's just a regular book?? I'm not sure so I'll keep researching. I'm used t

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Comfortable; Memoir; Eyesight; Med Change; Doc

I"m currently trying to get comfortable in bed here. My thumb is huge because of a bandage. The thumb nail got dumb, I bashed it a while back and it's coming out of the bruising and all. IT's the thumb I use to make spaces between words. I've been having trouble seeing lately. Much trouble. I need to see my eye doc I guess. I've been slowly working on my poems, and memoir, and reading some great books. I got a new medication today but I"ve been on it before. Invega. I hated A

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Way too coincidental to be a coincidence...

I was reading more on that Warrior of the Light book.  I wrote down the pages numbers of all the coincidences. I just gotta tell what it's guiding me to. Long ago, I asked for Wisdom. I was finally given a good definition of it, and how it related to understanding and knowledge. Then I was noticing everything talked about patience. So I had plenty of opportunities for to practice it. Then I learned about Enlightenment. Peace. Joy. Then something called Humble Confidence. And

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

New Meditation; Quotes; Definition

I was reading in the book Warrior Of The Light by Paulo Coelho about when the Warrior's path becomes too routine, there's a way to meditate that's good for the soul. It says that if you can't meditate, repeat one simple word over and over until it will eventually lose it's meaning. (My brother and I done that when we were little, but didn't think anything about it, just thought it was funny how numb you become to something that's repeated over and over.) Once it loses it's meaning (the

Jamark8

Jamark8

 

Merry Christmas; thoughts; meh.

I'm beginning to wonder why I stay on the computer so long. I took a 6 month break away once. Then I didn't want to get back on! Been seeing things out the corner of my eyes the past week, it is worse today. Shadow people blacker than black. They keep looking around the corner at me. And last night I saw what looked like smoke in the living room, but I wasn't smoking in there, I was headed to the kitchen from my room. When I took some pictures, I saw orbs, but they left before I could

Jamark8

Jamark8

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