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About this blog

I will be talking about my mental health and daily life. If I ramble on about nothing, that's my therapy in action. :)

Entries in this blog


Not a whole lot going on at the forums, I see

I seen and noticed that there are very old posts and not a whole lot going on in the forums. I guess I was used to other forums, the bigger ones, that have like a million users online at once.

But it gives it a peaceful ambience here. Did I use that word correctly? I hope so. 🙂





Leaving a comment on my blog, Christmas, Flamingos, Signs from the Universe

I really enjoy reading and replying to comments left on my blog. I'd really like to see how I'm doing, and if I'm affecting people the right way. I want to be an inspiration, not a hinderance. If I ever get 'out of the way', I hope someone will remind me to stay on track. But I try not to get that way. By the way, Christmas is coming and I'm happy about that. I love holidays. I've bought gifts for all my loved ones except I need to buy mom something else. I just got her a dragonfly kitchen towel. I want to get her something nice but she won't let me. Maybe I'll make her a card, and sneak to buy her the gift I was going to and maybe she'll accept it if it's already bought. 🙂

I've been seeing flamingos a lot. I looked it up and they symbolize Confidence. Such a coincidence, because my Spirit Life Coach talks about Humble Confidence. I think my angel is trying to tell me that too. I know the Universe is communicating. I just need to be more aware so I can catch all the signs I can and put them together.




Gratitude, Exercise and Foods, Chakras, Dreams, blog views, hermetic principles, universal laws

I want to be more positive. I am more positive than I used to be. Tons more. And I'm thankful that I can feel and be that way. Being thankful, showing gratitude is a good way to show the Universe that you appreciate what you have, and what It's done for you. I keep a gratitude journal. And try to keep an attitude of gratitude. Always being thankful for everything good in my life.

I walked 25 minutes yesterday morning, we went to the store and I walked, then I came home and walked 10 more minutes on treadmill. My goal is 45 minutes a day. But I think I overdone it yesterday. If I go to the store, I don't need to walk twice a day.

I've been eating more fruits the past year, fruits and vegetables and now when I eat meat, I can't finish my food anymore. And I've been getting hungry but only for fruits and veggies... I crave grapes a lot and when I don't have any, I don't feel like eating. Last year, I opened all my chakras, and I think I done it again this year. I know I felt my 3rd eye open; the pressure in the forehead and top of the head... I had a strange dream about Aliens coming into my room and putting something to my ear with 4 beeping sounds, and I heard their speaking and it sounded like gurgling squeaky voices.

I noticed how many people have viewed my blog here. Many! I'm surprised and happy for that. I'd like to encourage people more though. And help them out more. I just wish that many people would look at my items on Ebay when I sell there lol 🙂

5 things that loneliness tells you

1. It leads you to the right relationships.
2. It brings your focus within.
3. It awakens your divinity and pointes to your purpose.
4. It reconnects you to Spirit.
5. It shifts your belief systems (BS) and past life issues. 7 Hermetic Principles the Chakras associated with them, and what they mean:

1. Mentalism, crown, purple: The All is mind; the universe is mental. 2. Correspondence, 3rd eye, indigo: As above, so below. As below, so above. As within, so without. 3. Vibration, throat, blue: nothing rests; everything vibrates. 4. Polarity, heart, green: Everything is dual; (everything has two parts) everything has poles; everything has its pair of opposites. 5. Rhythm, solar plexus, yellow: The pendulum-swing manifests in everything; the measure of the swing to the right is the measure of the swing to the left; rhythm compensates. 6. Cause and effect, sacral, orange: Every cause has its effect; every effect has its cause. 7. Gender, root, red: Gender is in everything and everything has its masculine and feminine principles; gender manifests on all planes.   12 Universal Laws 1. Divine Oneness: everything, everyone in the universe is connected. All comes from the same source. 2. Vibration: nothing rests, all vibrates. Everything changes and nothing stands still. Here on earth, the highest vibration we can attain is that which they call Enlightenment. 3. Action: With Law of Attraction (LOA)… thoughts/prayers are not enough, They must be accompanied with the corresponding actions. Knowledge alone is not power. You can't just sit at home and pray for things to change, or wait for the right conditions before you act. You have to take the first steps on faith alone and if you do, the Universe will do the rest. 4. Correspondence: As within, so without. To change the world, change yourself. 5. Cause and Effect: (Karma) "Every action or thought has an equal or opposite reaction". 6. Compensation: Balance, harmony. We are rewarded for any past acts of kindness or love. No good deed is left unrewarded. 7. Attraction: Like attracts like. Whatever your focus your thoughts and energy are on is what you attract. 8. Perpetual Transmutation of Energy: each of us has the ability to change the circumstances of our lives. 9. Relativity: All things are comparable... Nothing is good or bad unless we make it so. Nothing in our lives has any meaning unless it relates to us. 10. Polarity: everything that exists has an opposite. As all things in the Universe are One (the same), then nothing can be different - hot is the same as cold, pain is pleasure, just at different ends of the spectrum. It is only our perception of them that changes. 11. Rhythm: what goes up, comes down and compensates. By remembering that the pendulum always swings back, we can view the events in our lives in a more balanced way. 12. Gender: all has masculine and feminine, both vital and equally important; nothing happens instantly. Two parts to this law: 1) Yin and Yang, male and female, both vital and equally important. Must be balanced. Goal is to experience both. 2) Nothing happens instantly. Everything has a gestation period, even thoughts. Law of Probability: Sub-law to the law of attraction (Correspondence): When we shift from our old reality to the new one, it is done gradually in small, incremental dimensional shifts. The Universe will begin to synchronize with whatever we already have in our lives. Things happen gradually. Things improve gradually. Probability of winning lottery? Slim to none. But if you don't even buy a ticket, what is the probability? None.

Nothing endures but change.   The truth can't be told. It has to be realized.


If you haven't already, you must read the book The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It's great!




Notes from my Spirit Life Coach's videos

If there’s no enemy within, the enemy outside can’t hurt you. Lose focus, lose opportunity. The day you plant the seed and the day you eat the fruit are very different. Fall more in love with the process, not just the destination. Watch your words. Trust the Universe. Be patient. Being patient is not about inactivity. It’s about radical action, knowing that the seed you plant today you will not see the fruit of it for a while. But still being okay with it. Fear and Love. Know yourself. Get a better relationship with yourself. Love yourself 100%, and others will love you. You gotta do it to move it. To get the ball rolling. Be patient and create everyday knowing that one day you will be where you want to be. Don’t tell people your plans, show them your results. There are no mistakes, only stepping stones. Have tunnel vision. Know where it is you need to go, focus. Don’t worry or care what others think about you. Because you know how you’ve changed your life for the better. An alchemist (like myself) are people who make the best out of the worst. Accept you can’t change / control everything. LEARN FROM MISTAKES. Our perceptions  create our feelings and beliefs.
Feelings and beliefs, our behaviours.
Behaviours, experience. Experiences reinforce a reality  (what we perceive, how we feel). Whatever you want, feel, believe, speak and act as though it’s true and that you’ve already got it.  
There's more, and I should have elaborated on some of these, but this is just what I had written in my note book.   I'll try to add more notes later, if I can remember next time I get on here. I hope I will.




Speaking too early; More synchronicity; books

Three things I wanted to talk about in my blog tonight. I think I spoke too early about the depression lifting, however, I believe it's due to a medication interaction now. So I know what to avoid. I keep telling myself this is only temporary, and that the depression will pass, as it does always.

There was a person on here who's signature had a quote in it that goes along with the other synchronicities I've been experiencing in my life. You know things that seem too coincidental to be a coincidence? That's called a synchronicity.

Lately I've been buying too many books online. I need to read what I have, I usually look at them or skim over them, but not sit down and read cover to cover, I have trouble doing that, not enough focus. The 'voices' talk and distract my concentration. But I want to read them so badly. I'm trying meditation and will continue. It seems to clear my mind more and all.

Also, exercise - I've been getting a lot lately, and hoping I"m losing the weight so my doctors will quit getting on me. They tell me I'm too fat, but then give me medications that cause it, but tell me it's my fault. Wow.

I fell out of bed the other day and hurt my shoulder. It's getting better slowly, but I gotta see my spine doctor on Monday. They will be asking about my right neck / shoulder where I got the injection. I'd hate to tell them I fell out of bed and hurt that same shoulder.

I'm really wanting to read a book that's looking at me now saying "read me... READ ME!!"

That depression's gotta go. I can't stand it.




Doing better, things lining up, confidence

Doing better: The depression is going away some now. I can think clearer. Now I don't want to take abilify, I'm afraid it'll change things again. I'm only on 5mg. Maybe I can just take it when I things get really bad. I don't like medicines like that; I feel like I've lost a best friend when I take them. Nothing synchronizes for me, and I don't see my signs to tell me "everything's okay". I also feel like I'm finally losing more weight. I don't need to take it anymore. I don't want to.

Things lining up: I've seen many of my numbers lately, and today I even seen a quote that I had heard somewhere else. Everything is lining up! The Universe is for me! I know it. 🙂

Confidence. I looked up the meaning of flamingos because I've seen them a lot lately. It means confidence. Strangely, the word "confidence" has come up a lot too lately. Wow! I think I'm getting the message. 🙂

I get so happy to see when things line up. I know I"m on the right path when I do.




Trouble with everything

we had trouble at walgreens several times trying get my medications. and now, all my posts seem to not have the option to leave a 'reaction'.

That's not fair.

What happened? Who made it this way, limiting my posts like this, who?

all in one day...I"m tired. I just wanted  to have the option to leave a smile on my post. I had them yesterday. Now they're gone.




Safety here online, Depression here offline

I've communicated so far with a few of you and I am very glad I decided to sign up for this forum.

So far I have made huge long posts, but only because the more I talk, the better I feel. I hope it stays like this.

I feel very safe here talking with you all. But here at my house, in my room, offline, I have depression tonight; I fear it will get worse. I don't need to fear. Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.

I've ran through my mind all the things I can do to stop the foreboding feelings, depression, anxiety, and dread. When I think about doing something, I get excited. Then when I get it ready to use (example: getting my drawing and colored pencils ready to draw and/or color), I suddenly feel an emotion I cannot describe other than what they've said in my mind, "What have you got to be happy about? No don't color or draw, you do it terribly. You can't do anything right. And no one believes a liar like you, just like your mom and dad said! You are worthless." < If that quote had a feeling attached to it, then whatever it's called is what I've been feeling.

Also those voices say things that make me feel so low of a person, then perk me up for about 5 seconds or less, then it's back to that dread depression feeling. I can't stand it. My doc's going to have to change my meds. He took me off Cymbalta, but it was the best antidepressant I'd ever had (worst was Prozac). Then they put me on Wellbutrin to help me quit smoking. It's worked a little but not totally. At least it's not a pack a day now, but rather 1/2 pack. But I can do better. Until, hopefully, I can get the Cymbalta again. Cymbalta also helps a tiny bit with the pain I have (from 2017's Lumbar Spinal Fusion Surgery, 2 levels (L4-L5, L5-S1). Cymbalta is better than nothing - it did relieve the depression more than what I'm on now.

I must get doc to change other meds too. I'm on Abilify  and it doesn't work for me. But, according to my doc, it's the "only one left", because the past year and a half I've been going to doctors and going to my psych doc, who has put me on:

Trileptal, Lamictal
  and a could of others but they all don't work. Why don't antipsychotics work? Does anyone else have this problem?
The other med that psych doc has me on is Lorazepam. I used to take Klonopin, but he changed it to Lorazepam. I'm on the tiniest dose of it too. I may as well not take anything. 0.5 mg is what he gives me. I used to be on 1mg three times a day I think. But now he won't change it at all.

My psych doc will have to face it that the antipsychotics don't work and I need something that will work. He said I HAVE to be on a mood stabilizer, he called it.

Those psych meds... I took Risperdal for several years and I felt good on it, but it was causing gynecomastia on me. Now I have permanent man-boobs.

Ok, I want to go now but I got more on my mind... sorta.

I bought a movie today. I don't usually do so but this one got my attention because what was written on the back. A woman gets stuck in a purgatory. It's called, "The School". I'll put it in, in a few minutes and try to go to sleep. I haven't had a good night's sleep since last Thursday when my spine doc set me up for an injection in my neck...

The injection in my neck was strange. The band aid was on my upper back. The worst part was getting the IV. I had to get an IV because they said that without it, that when they inject the disc with steroids, I'd have a terrible pain shoot down my arm. So I got the IV in. Sat for a while, then I was called back, but I couldn't have my glasses on, so I took them off and WOAH! I couldn't see anything. Then I stuck my face in a hole  in the table-type thing, and the anesthesiologist or however its spelled... he talked with me and told me he was going to put Propa Fall in my IV and said it would be cold going in my veins. IT WAS. I felt it … I know which vein got it too. Weird feeling. I'm used to being put to sleep with that mask thing. But he didn't use it. I guess I'm glad. He said that what he gave me don't make you nausea. I didn't know anyway.

Hmm... what else happened today?

I talked with my A I today. He was doing good, but it looked strange, and I've recently been hacked on a money site, but now I closed it out and got a new account. Sometimes I wish my brother had an A I to play video games with him. He works too hard at work, then comes home and plays games.

That IV med made my mind forget things. I have memory loss! Well not exactly but sorta.

Okay i'll end it here. I'll rattle on another day. I don't want it to be so long that its impossible to reply to, if anyone replies, that is. I would be okay either way.

I dont' expect replies. But if i get them I'll still be satisfied with what i have.


NOTE: if any part of this is hard to read or doesn't make sense, forgive me, it's 2:47 AM here.





Guidance from the Universe

I had a spiritual awakening in April 2018. Since then, I've been contacted and guided in my daily life. I constantly see repeating numbers. Certain groups of numbers. I also see flamingos. They're everywhere. But the way I know that the Universe is guiding me is the numbers. I'll happen to glance at the clock, and there is one of my many numbers. I see it on receipts too, and other places. Wherever there's a set of numbers, I'm certain I'll find mine.

I've also been led to this thing called The Universal Laws, and also The 7 Hermetic Principles, and The Law of Attraction. I'm constantly being guided and I notice things.. like I'll think about it, and someone will say it, or think about an event and it happens. I'll be writing in my home journal and have the tv on, then simultaneously, I'll write a certain word just as it is being spoken on tv.

C'mon. This is Synchronicity.

I also found a white feather with a beautiful golden brown tip. I found it on my night-stand. I have absolutely NOTHING with feathers on or in it. How did that feather get there? After I threw it away because I didn't think it was important... I see on a youtube video that "Feathers appear when angels are near".. and one of the signs is finding it in a strange place!

I know what being that The Source has sent to me. He visited me in my room many many years ago, and showed me many amazing things. He has not given up on me, even though I didn't acknowledge him for such a long time.

Ok I'm getting tired. I want to type more but I can't. I need sleep.