I know I’ve been given a lot of blessings that I probably don’t deserve. Often I lose sight of all the blessings I have given and I focus on what I want and what I don’t have like a spoiled brat as if I am entitled to everything that I want immediately. I often cause my own misery for losing sight of all the goodness I have been given.
Thank you for all the hardships, heart breaks, confusions, and despair. I know these are given to me so I can grow up to be a more improved version of me. I know I had to go through these for a reason and more of what’s waiting for me. Thank you.
I’m prepared to face oppositions over and over again. While stones are thrown at me consistently I will use this great opportunities to work on finding peace and smile as I fend off these attacks. With the strength and guidance given from God, I know I am and will do great in this amazing life. I’m ready. Let’s get it.
Dark clouds may come clouding my head with anxiety, doubts, pity, and etc. Heavy rain may come blocking my visions. Slippery ground may make me fall over and over again. But it’s okay. It’s okay clouds. It’s okay rain. It’s okay wet grounds. Because I’ll keep going and I’ll keep going. I’ll keep going as long as I’m still breathing. I’ll shake off the mud and water and I’ll move on. And thank you for giving me the passion and desire that reignite over and over again to keep going. Thank you 🙏
I know this may or may not be temporary. And I know there may be more ups and downs and some downs that may fall a little too far that’ll leave me questioning all my ups, but I really wanna thank you for this moment of joy and hope. I wanna thank you for bringing me out of the darkness and out of fogs and letting me know that I still have the ability to feel joy and intense emotion of happiness. I wanna thank you for letting me know that I still have the ability to have a very bright visions that gets me excited, happy, and shed tears of joy. I’m not the one to decide on my fate but I feel like...at least at this moment that things are going to be alright and that you will guide well. I’m in good hands. Thank you. 🙏
Been off caffeine and weed ever since.
I’m slowly picking pieces back up and trying to get back to where I left off.
There’s been hiccups here and there.
but I’m trying to remind myself and tell myself that I still have the best life and all I need is to do is dig in and look for evidences and angles.
If I fall, I just need to pick myself up and keep going.
And continue to refocus, because a lot of distractions may come my way and fog my vision. But it’s alright, because I’ll keep wiping my lenses and refocus.
I still feel the negative energy and I’m still in a negative space right now. It still lingers on from yesterday. Pain anxiety guilt self pity anger hopelessness feeling lost. Feelings of all these are still lingering on from yesterday.
This morning I tossed out all my weed and caffeine pills, and pre workouts.
I don’t know where to start and The anxiety and fear of future what might happen gives me anxiety and fear.
Tomorrow how will I handle it?
what should I do now?
afraid to take steps because of the hopelessness and pain that comes when I fall hard..
ill somehow managed to get through this day. Today I have all to myself. It’s hard to move but I guess I will. I don’t know...
i wanna get back to Eckhart Tolle and maybe even try a short meditation again. I read and heard from ppl how it helped with their chronic anger.
At this point I just want to have a better handle on my anger and have ability to see things from more calmness and clarity.
I feel very unbalanced and lost right now.