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Good Times....

I'm edging into the good time of the month now.  The time when I feel fairly confident and capable.  There still seems to be a disconnect between what I want to do and what I actually do. I've been looking up something called Executive Function Disorder, but I don't think I quite meet the criteria.  It's hard to say.   Anyway, because this IS my Karl Urban and Misha Collins blog, and because I need to keep my mind on more positive things, I'll drone on and on about Karl.  Because I can fin

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Time Flies....

Wow... it's been nearly two weeks since I put an entry in here.  Last week was really crazy for me, but I'm not sure what happened the week before that.  Last week we all went to a conference for work.  Sitting in classes, routine upended completely, no hubby.... Sleep did not come easily and did not stay for long.  I messed up my exercise routine big time, but I"m getting back into the swing of things now.  We are renovating at work, so there is upheaval there, too.          I am so
 

Feeling..... How?

I don't know how I'm feeling this morning.  Anxious, which is fairly normal. I am learning that the majority of my anxiety comes from working with one particular person, who is relentlessly critical. If this criticism were in support of high standards, I would find a way to embrace it, because trying to achieve higher standards helps us grow and learn and expand our abilities.  But this relentless criticism has always been about exercising control over others.  I don't know if that distinction 
 

Feeling Good.....

Barring a few minor things like the normal morning 'runs', I actually feel - gasp - pretty damn good this morning!  I'm sure work will no doubt change that, LOL.  Usually does.  But that's okay.  For now, I feel great!  Like the song says, 'I got a little change in my pocket goin' jing-a-ling-a-ling...'  I know you can't buy happiness, but when you have a little extra to buy one or two things  (BOOKS!  ALL THE BOOKS!)  it does help quite  a bit.  The past two days I've been doing a HIIT ro
 

Attempting....

I'm adding a pic of my current attempt at crochet. So far I'm just doing a single stitch, and I"m sure I'm doing absolutely everything totally wrong.  I'm not even sure at this point what it will be - I think I was aiming for something 'scarfy', but... Well, you tell me.  After you pick yourself up off the floor laughing.  See all those curves - that's natural, and it means I'm doing something horribly wrong. I just can't figure out what, LOL.  But I'm sticking with it.  Because I'm
 

Day Off....

So.... The 'hour late opening' has turned into 'stay home'.  I'm torn between LOLing and doing a victory dance.  Woo-hoo. Icy roads and sidewalks... hopefully people will stay home and be safe. I'm just going to enjoy a day off (probably have to use hours to make up for it, but hey...)                                                                                                                                                                     I"m looking forward to writing -
 

Well, It's Official...

I think it's official - we Midwesterners don't deal with snow and ice very well.  Here in Oklahoma, at least, everyone is freaked out by patchy ice today.  There was a 14 car pile up in the Big City this morning.  And to look out the window, you can't even tell it's icy.  Yeah.  Give us tornadoes and we haul out the lawnchairs and cameras - hell, we even chase the damn things down in our cars!  Bake us to death at over 110F and we slather on the sunscreen and beat feet to the near
 

Really Hope This Works....

[I've had problems with posting in my other blog, so I really hope this works.] I retitled my blog for Karl Urban. I'm hunting down all the TV series and movies I can find where he is a primary actor.  Am I the only one who uses an obsession with a famous actor to manage their anxiety?  I've tried all that 'yoga/soft music/relaxing sounds' shit.  And I'm sorry, but my anxiety fucking SCREAMS AT THE TOP OF ITS BLOODY LUNGS!!!!  I can't even hear that 'relaxing sounds' stuff - I ge
 

Trouble posting blog posts...

All week I've had trouble putting up blog posts.  The webmaster is looking into it.  If you are having the same problem, please let us know in the q&a forum. Consistently cannot add posts to my exercise blog.... for the first time since Feb 21st, I was actually able to post a few lines, but I still cannot post consistently there.  I'm using this blog as a test to see if there is any difference.  So far, I can post in this one just fine.... [bang head on wall]
 

Facing Fears & Leaning In......

I am thinking of signing up for GISH.  It's a sort of adventure non-profit that Misha Collins started  up.  GISH (or sometimes GISHWHES) stands for Greatest Internet Scavenger Hunt (or Greatest Internet Scavenger Hunt the World Has Ever Known).  I've been thinking about for close to a year now.  But I always end up NOT signing up.  I AM TERRIFIED!!!  No ifs, ands, or buts..... utterly and completely terrified...... of signing up for this.  I cannot overstate the amount
 

I Need a Misha Moment....

Posting this more for myself than anything else... but that's the nature of a blog I guess. Posting for oneself, but in the hope that someone else will somehow connect with something you wrote.  I started reading a book recently, on recommendation of a friend. I wasn't sure how I would like it, but it's not bad so far.  Classic High Fantasy - Belgarath the Sorcerer by David & Leigh Eddings. I'm only on chapter 9, so I've really barely got started.  Anyway, that doesn't have anything to do wi
 

Characters That Get to Me....

[this is an old unpublished bit of blather from about a week ago] Since I blathered on about music and resonance and no one shot me, figuratively or literally, I thought I would blather on about characters - movie, TV - that really speak to me.  Maybe there will be another post for books or book characters that really speak to me.  For now we will stick with the 'visual arts', if I might be so snooty.... This should be fun, because there are so many movies I've seen that I forget.....
 

Misha-ing.....

I guess I don't understand the potentially negative nature of obsession very well.  I feel like I am sometimes 'inordinately preoccupied' with Misha Collins, and sometimes Karl Urban.  But mostly Misha.  When I am overly preoccupied with him, it is generally because I have 'trained' my anxiety to focus on something relatively harmless in comparison to what it wants to obsess over - my mistakes, ad nauseum & quia in aeturnum, amen.  😑 (that last is latin for 'for forever').  I suppose f
 

Not Sure What to Say....

....Which means I should probably not say anything until I get my thoughts together, huh?  I'm trying to get used to the idea of expressing my thoughts and feelings, and even having feelings if that doesn't sound crazy enough. I feel like I spend most of my day stuffing things.  Like the song in Frozen, 'conceal, don't feel'.....  I think I might have missed taking my meds this morning... I can't remember for sure.  I think I need to break down and get one of those daily pill things.  This tends
 

Resonance...........

Some songs do more than resonate.... Some songs reflect such a deep, perhaps previously unrealized part of yourself that you simultaneously want to hug fiercely the person who wrote it and beat them upside the head for putting a recorder in your brain to record your thoughts..... Oh, no one else thinks that?  Oh, well.                         Anyway, some songs are just fundamentally 'us' in some way or another.  Here are a few of mine, in no particular order..... [and yes
 

Fight Songs.....

Having to re-type this because somehow I erased it all..... LOL.  Anyway.... We all have our fight songs here.... I know we do.  I don't know each and every one of you personally, but I feel like it's a really safe guess to say that you all have a song(s) that help you renew your energy and your will to fight.... Here are a few of mine.....   Killing In the Name Of - Rage Against the Machine   -   This is a re-make done by Brass Against feat. Sophia Urista My favo
 

Bouyant.....

Bouyant as an adjective means 'light in spirit'.  And that describes me, today at least.  Hanging on to it while it's here, LOL.  💃  🙌   ✨      I could go into a whole explanation, but that wouldn't be ebullient.... LOL.  I swallowed a thesaurus.  🤣   The situation that was/is causing me anxiety is getting resolved and those higher up than me are telling me not to worry about it. So I won't.  Anyway, here is a little humor....                              I just want
 

Adulting.....

Adulting is something I do not want to do today.  That is all.... I have to go adult in about five minutes..... Don't make me adult..... But I don't wanna adult! I wanna stay home and play with my dragons and my angels and my super-soldiers!  Here, see?  Wouldn't playing with angels be more fun? (LOL, typical Misha Collins craziness)      Oh, all right.... I'll go adult...  But I'm not gonna' like it....  

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Blessedly Short Week....

On a positive note, this is a blessedly short week for me at work, even though it is my turn to work this weekend. Yeah, not all weekend, just Saturday half day. Then we get to be closed for New Year's.  I am really clinging to those short weeks, those holidays and days I'm able to take off. It's gotten significantly easier since positive feedback from my higher ups a few weeks ago.  And I am really lucky to have a 'Monday - Friday' office job.  I could be slogging it out in a warehouse, al

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

I need a pick-me-up...

I'm posting holiday-related Misha Collins/Castiel/Supernatural because I need cheering up.  I'm actually late getting back to work from lunch, but who cares....     You can survive this, guys... I know I'm not the only one who 'survives' Christmas, and gets razzed until the end of time by people who don't understand.... You can do this. 

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

God, I Need A Little Misha....

I'm posting this mainly to cheer myself up a little.  I need a little Misha and Castiel.  I've been on a self imposed hiatus watching them and writing about Supernatural and Castiel.  Don't ask me why, there is no logic to it, whatsoever.  Anyway, MishaMishaMisha!                                    

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Common Sense Ain't So Common....

Common sense ain't so common... and I don't have as much of it as I thought I did.  I'm just now getting to a point where most people would have started from.  Up to now, I've not been monitoring resource usage. Like electricity - I live with Polar Bears who would rather live in Arctic conditions. And that is not cheap when you live in the Midwestern United States, where summer temps of over 105F are a regularity from June through August and frequently into September. TBH, anything under 9

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Always With the Struggling....

Sometimes I wonder why I bother. I really do.  Financial worries are hitting me now.  It feels like a paraphrased version of that song 'Did I Shave My Legs For This?' by Deana Carter.  Did I give up what I like for this?  I gave it up such a long time ago that I cannot even say what I like anymore.  It just hasn't been relevant to my life for me to think about what I enjoy doing. Wow. That's  depressing.  No sh**, Sherlock.  You don't say.  I have no idea what my interests ar

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Avoiding My Series...

I just realized yesterday that I have been avoiding my favorite series and my favorite character.  For several weeks now.  I haven't worked on the fanfiction based on Castiel and Dean, and I haven't resumed watching Castiel heavy episodes of Supernatural, or even binge-watched and updated myself on the series.  This is a Serious Harbinger for me.  It's a Sign Of Things To Come.  And it's only September. It's like you're out deep sea fishing and suddenly there are no fish anywhere, no

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Fangirling.... Sort Of

I'm gonna fangirl about Misha for a minute, then it's time to take myself off to put the old nose to the grindstone so to speak.  I love Misha's website.  It looks like a normal site, but if you click on it, the screen sort of goes crazy like your computer's video driver went nuts, and you end up on 'Death2Normalcy'. See, this is why I Love Misha.  He was bullied growing up. I can't imagine anyone not loving the heck out of him, much less being mean to him.  And it has given

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

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