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Celebrity

Just wondering - and trying to keep my thoughts away from anxiety-ridden topics - why we idolize celebrities so much?  Do we really see them - who they are?  Or do we just see the characters they are known for playing, and sort of paste that over their face like some sort of weird mask?  Or maybe we give them qualities that we ourselves wish we had.  Makes me wonder.  Misha Collins is a crazy, out there, creative, outgoing, loving sort of person.  Basically, the polar opposit
 

Collars & Quarantines

OMG.... Quarantine and Pinterest are a combo that mean absolutely nothing gets done at my house....  LOL, that's a lie, but I digress.  I just realized I have a thing for coat collars.  Example:                Left to Right: Misha Collins, Karl Urban, Benedict Cumberbatch See what I mean?  Collars.  Up.  Cool.  As far as not getting anything done, well.... Actually, I am.  Cleaning out one of the spare rooms (you can see. the. floor. people!).  I"m also re-org
 

Contact...

Misha Collins put what is ostensibly his phone # up on twitter, and asked people to text him.  This was about a week or so ago I think.  I found it earlier this week (I don't know why I even have Twitter, I never check it, I was curious I guess.  Hubby described Twitter as 'a crowd of people all shouting their own conversation, and unless you are a celebrity, you don't get heard', or something to that effect.  I have not seen anything to convince me otherwise...) Anyway, you would think thi

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Inspiration

Inspiration is wherever you find it.  In a way, I think it is really within all of us, and all it takes is just that one little spark of whatever it is to find it.  Like looking for something you lost - you know it's around there somewhere, you just can't remember where you left it.  And then you see that little something, or that someone, or hear that snatch of song, and you get your 'second wind', you feel like maybe you can move forward again, or do whatever it is you've been struggling with.

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

How Can I Be A Fan If I Never Watch It?

I struggle to feel 'attached' to my body, to my life.  Yet, I get overly attached to characters from TV/Cable shows.  Yeah, not messed up at all... Hey, we're all a little nuts, right?  Oh, it's just me?  Well, you're missing out, LOL.  I  am once again on self-imposed hiatus from Supernatural.  I am somewhere in Season 12 - my boys are interacting with the British Men Of Letters - and there is one horrible woman in their organization who, for me at least, ranks right up there with Dolores

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

I Miss My Fanfiction...

I realized this morning that I miss my little fanfictions. I'm embarrassed by them - the writing is so choppy, so horrible!  Ugh!  But I miss writing the ones I'm working on now.  I'm hoping I'll get back to a place mentally where I can start writing again.  I love AO3, it's great. I was on fanfiction.net, but it kept trying to censor what I was writing, and at the time, it was pretty mild.  It bugged me that a hosting site would try to censor me, so I moved. I'm hoping to get my walking routine

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Barely Hangin' In There....

I feel like I am hanging on to the side of the cliff by my literal fingernails.... My anxiety is starting to get out of control again - I have a couple of highly important reports to do, one by the first part of August, one by the middle of August. And one is about things that did not turn out the way I wanted them to, so I am really nervous.  It is only the second time I have done either of them, so I am really nervous.   I think I might have to binge watch Almost Human and Doom and Priest

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

The Boys...

This is gonna have to be short - I'm still on foot, hopefully our car will be out of the shop today.  (cross your fingers and toes)  I am almost frothing at the mouth to be able to watch Urban's new series, The Boys.  Something about superheroes, or superhero watchers.... TBH, I don't really care, because Urban. I watched the Comanche Moon series on DVD - I really identified with his character, Woodrow Call. But I will have to leave that for another blog post.  Hopefully I'll reme

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Best Laid Plans....

My plans for yesterday went in the toilet. Literally.  Can't say much more, as that's TMI already.   So I'm cheering myself up.... With SuperWhoLock on my Misha/Karl board.  For the uninitiated, that's a mashup of the Supernatural, Doctor Who, & Sherlock fandoms. I recently discovered it.  And I am filled with an inexplicable urge to write this....

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

My Attitude for Today....

This pretty much sums up my attitude towards life in general, and people in general, for most of my life. Seriously.    Here's the other half of my world view.  Confused yet?  

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Pick Me Up....

So I've made it halfway through my day.... I even managed to wait until 130 to go to lunch, which helps 530 get here a lot faster. I'm posting gratuitous Misha  & Karl here, because Misha and Karl.                                    

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Mornings Are Monday...

Mornings suck.  I should be heading into work right now, but fuck it.  Mornings are Monday.... a few hours of Monday hell every morning.  Though I have to admit it has gotten somewhat better since I started taking the anti-anxiety meds.  My depression has gotten pretty bad - I have many more days staring into the face of death and wondering why I'm playing hard to get...  I can say that here, because you guys understand it on a visceral level, you know? I literally got up this morning so I

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Writing....

I might be getting back to my fanfictions - well, one of them anyway.  It's still a Supernatural AU, but it's heavily re-focused towards Christian theology.  I'm still in the rough draft stage - as in, I'm still just trying to write, and I haven't gone back and done a read through to catch any inconsistencies or mistakes.  This is the first time in probably a month or so that I've felt any inclination at all to either write or read.  That I am unable to do either is really not a good sign for me

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Pressed for Time...

I think I've been stressed - I haven't blogged, I haven't read (in weeks 😥), I haven't written a single word in my fanfictions (in weeks 😥).  I can't seem to focus on anything. Maybe I need to get back to binge watching Almost Human to get myself out of this funk.  I've been watching Person Of Interest on Netflix.  I really love the characters.  I'm not talented like they are, but I still enjoy watching.  It manages to hold my interest, and that's a valuable commodity when stress takes my abilit
 

Needing Inspiration.....

Sometimes we just need a little inspiration, you know?  And we all have a different idea of what that is.  I know someone who reads those memoirs of people who have been through horrific events and overcome them.  I know another person who enjoys interacting with the kids that come in to the library.  As for me, who knows... I guess it depends.  I suppose what inspires us changes, doesn't it?  It's not always the same thing.  What picks me up when I"m really dragging the ground (like this mornin

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Writing the Ending....

I can never seem to quite manage the endings when I post these blogs. I feel bad about that, actually.  Like, here you are zipping along the highway, and boom! the road is out and there wasn't even a sign to warn you.  I hate it when that happens.  Sometimes I get a proper ending in there, but most of the time I feel like I just leave it hanging, sort of unfinished.  Sometimes I just run out of things to say, and I don't know how to wrap it up, so rather than stressing over an ending I just leav

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Feeling A Little Less Like Death...

[This entry was meant to be posted last night, but silly me got tired and went to bed instead of being stubborn and staying on the computer.  So don't be too impressed by two blog entries in one day.]    I must be getting over this Crud, because I feel more normal today... whatever normal is, LOL.  I don't feel like I'm dying, anyway.  I'm thinking I can get back to my walking routine tomorrow.  I'd love to tonight, but I think that would be pushing it, considering I have to work tomo

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Not Feeling Well...

I've been sick since Saturday.  Just The Crud, nothing special.  It kept me out of work yesterday, and I should probably stay home today too. But it's my turn to work late and I feel obligated to drag myself there.  Why?  I have no idea.  Why am I killing myself for a place that doesn't appreciate it?  I used to believe in what I did; now, I'm just marking time.  Afraid to reach out for another job, because there's no safety net.  No savings, no credit card, no family close by to pick up the sla

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Our Favorite Characters....

I tend to love characters that are often perceived as cold, asocial, grumpy, stoic, difficult to know - like Detective Kennex from Almost Human.  I've heard somewhere that our favorite characters are our favorites because we see part of ourselves reflected in them.  I can really see that in the character of Castiel from Supernatural.  But in Detective Kennex, I don't see some of it - stoic, difficult to know, asocial, moody... often perceived as cold hearted... I guess I think the character of D

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Good Times....

I'm edging into the good time of the month now.  The time when I feel fairly confident and capable.  There still seems to be a disconnect between what I want to do and what I actually do. I've been looking up something called Executive Function Disorder, but I don't think I quite meet the criteria.  It's hard to say.   Anyway, because this IS my Karl Urban and Misha Collins blog, and because I need to keep my mind on more positive things, I'll drone on and on about Karl.  Because I can fin

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Time Flies....

Wow... it's been nearly two weeks since I put an entry in here.  Last week was really crazy for me, but I'm not sure what happened the week before that.  Last week we all went to a conference for work.  Sitting in classes, routine upended completely, no hubby.... Sleep did not come easily and did not stay for long.  I messed up my exercise routine big time, but I"m getting back into the swing of things now.  We are renovating at work, so there is upheaval there, too.          I am so

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Feeling..... How?

I don't know how I'm feeling this morning.  Anxious, which is fairly normal. I am learning that the majority of my anxiety comes from working with one particular person, who is relentlessly critical. If this criticism were in support of high standards, I would find a way to embrace it, because trying to achieve higher standards helps us grow and learn and expand our abilities.  But this relentless criticism has always been about exercising control over others.  I don't know if that distinction 

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Feeling Good.....

Barring a few minor things like the normal morning 'runs', I actually feel - gasp - pretty damn good this morning!  I'm sure work will no doubt change that, LOL.  Usually does.  But that's okay.  For now, I feel great!  Like the song says, 'I got a little change in my pocket goin' jing-a-ling-a-ling...'  I know you can't buy happiness, but when you have a little extra to buy one or two things  (BOOKS!  ALL THE BOOKS!)  it does help quite  a bit.  The past two days I've been doing a HIIT ro

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Attempting....

I'm adding a pic of my current attempt at crochet. So far I'm just doing a single stitch, and I"m sure I'm doing absolutely everything totally wrong.  I'm not even sure at this point what it will be - I think I was aiming for something 'scarfy', but... Well, you tell me.  After you pick yourself up off the floor laughing.  See all those curves - that's natural, and it means I'm doing something horribly wrong. I just can't figure out what, LOL.  But I'm sticking with it.  Because I'm

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Day Off....

So.... The 'hour late opening' has turned into 'stay home'.  I'm torn between LOLing and doing a victory dance.  Woo-hoo. Icy roads and sidewalks... hopefully people will stay home and be safe. I'm just going to enjoy a day off (probably have to use hours to make up for it, but hey...)                                                                                                                                                                     I"m looking forward to writing -

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

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