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About this blog

My life has had so many ups and downs. I have followed the road less traveled all my life, meaning my own individual path. This is a blog about those ups and downs and being on the road less traveled. 

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Entries in this blog

In Love.. Can't Sit Still

I can't sit still or concentrate on work... I'm forgetting to eat, lol.. I am sooooo in love, so excited and ecstatically happy talking to my baby 24/7... I cannot wait to see him in a month... this is the greatest happiness I have ever felt in my entire life.. he is the most amazing man I have ever met in my entire life. How did this happen & how did I get so very lucky??? I am pinching myself. I am floating on cloud 9 in some alternate, surreal universe right now. The stars aligned for us

RiverLight

RiverLight

He Came Back

Well, all has turned around once again! He came back to me.. the man I was falling in love with two months ago. We're back together and we're both deliriously happy. All is grand, right and beautiful in the world again! Actually, it really couldn't be any better than this. I feel like singing from the roof tops! I am head over heels in love.... it feels soooooooo damn good! I think I've found my soulmate. I am very happy he came back.

RiverLight

RiverLight

Topsy Turvy Roller Coaster Life

The last two months have been a serious up and down roller coaster ride. I am ready to get off this train now. I need stability, and the only stable things in my life right now are my job & my living situation. My romantic relationships have wreaked havoc in my life... what else is new. I ran into my ex three times last week.... Friday night I saw him at a concert and he gave me a big smile. I actually smiled back, then kicked myself the next day thinking he doesn't deserve my smile. But

RiverLight

RiverLight

Ex Boyfriend Mess Up

My ex called last night to talk, acting as though nothing bad had happened between us and as though we are best friends again after hooking up the night before. I endured the conversation, then told him that I am not ready for friendship, that I have not exactly forgiven him, and that I am still in pain from what he did to me. He wanted to talk about dating with me... dating other people that is. I couldn't stomach it, even though the night before while drunk I had run my mouth about my own dati

RiverLight

RiverLight

Stupid Stupid Stupid!

OMG. I made such a big mistake last night. I ran into my abusive ex and went home with him. Holy crap. How freaking stupid can I be???? I was drunk. My judgement and inhibitions were down. No excuse, but I'm using it anyways. What a fool I am. This person emotionally abused me and at times verbally too. But last night for some reason, I let all logic, reason and self-respect fly out the window because I wanted to. And now I am over the top anxious about it and had to take an Ativan. I cannot fac

RiverLight

RiverLight

On My Way Back Up

After several big disappointments with different people, I was ready to throw in the towel & give up. But good friends and therapy helped bring me back to even keel. This morning I feel MUCH better, much more like my old self and I think that I am coming out of that dark rabbit hole. My therapist enlightened me about some things that had been causing me pain through these experiences, which helped quite a lot. And my wonderful DF friends helped tremendously. Never again will I pursue any kin

RiverLight

RiverLight

Big Let Down

When someone builds up so much expectation then takes something away from you, it's a huge let down. I am really disappointed in someone. He let me down pretty badly after building up so much. That is not fair and it is not nice. This is a short entry because I have not much else to say on the matter except for the fact that I am beyond pis/sed off.

RiverLight

RiverLight

Screwed Over.... Again

Well, he canceled the trip on me, and I have no idea why. Third time in a row that I've been screwed over in a relationship. I am beside myself with upset. Yesterday I was suicidal for the first time in months, and now I am not eating again I am so upset. What the hell happened I have no idea, but he changed his mind. Maybe he got scared, but it's no excuse. Plus now I am out $300 in airfare which is non-refundable. He could at least pay me half, but now he won't respond to any of my messages be

RiverLight

RiverLight

May Happiness Surround You

My wish for everyone here is for healing and happiness. I am feeling so great these days and want everyone to feel good. But I know that so many here suffer from so many different kinds of issues that are not quickly or easily resolvable. However, if each day can bring just a little ray of hope or happiness somehow into people's lives, I would be happy. There is hope, after all, for better and brighter days ahead. Not all is lost.. never. There is always something to be hopeful about... whether

RiverLight

RiverLight

Happy!

Today I feel happy! Actually, not just today but most of this week except for my irritable Monday! Life is grand.... a lot of great things are happening, and I am grateful and happy about it. Nothing to complain about, really!!!! And I'm taking a trip in three weeks to see a special someone, which will be amazing. I am sooo excited and am really looking forward to it! So here's my happy faces! =) =) =)

RiverLight

RiverLight

Irritable Monday

It's Monday again and I'm seriously irritable. I am hoping it's just PMS, but it's also a holiday today and I have to work. GRRRRRRR. Otherwise I should be in a great mood since it's sunny out and my parents are away for a week so I have the whole house to myself, but instead I'm really grumpy and moody. I took an Ativan to help ease things up, but this irritation won't go away. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

RiverLight

RiverLight

Tattoos!

I REALLY want another tattoo on my side, or on the side of my belly, along the side of my torso.. but of course my parents are protesting ad nauseum and are trying to talk me out of it. They think that tattoos "cheapen" a person, and I completely disagree. I think tattoos (most) are amazing artwork & make a person look unique and attractive. I like the sleeves on men and women, and think they're sexy! So to discourage me away from a permanent tattoo, but mom bought me a bunch of temporary

RiverLight

RiverLight

Walking on Sunshine

Things have been really good lately, so I really have nothing to complain about. I've been walking on sunshine all this week, so nothing can really bother me. Even if I don't get this job I am in the running for it will be OK. I mean, I am hopeful and if I get rejected I'll naturally feel disappointed, but it's not the end of the world. My current job is definitely more than tolerable, in fact, it's been great lately. If I don't get this other job, I think I'll take a good long break from interv

RiverLight

RiverLight

Screw Him.. Screw the Asshol.es in This World

I am so done with asshol.es in my life. F them and F him. I seem to be a magnet for these types. This last one has put me over the edge, and I am just DONE with people now. He attacked me because I said something he didn't like, or really because I called him out on his poor behaviors, so he went on the attack, accusing me and going for some type of psycho babble nonsense, when in fact he's the one who abused our friendship... also saying basically that I deserve to be treated poorly.. that it's

RiverLight

RiverLight

People Disappoint Me

I am tired of getting disappointed by people's actions. Some people don't behave the way you'd expect them to, then they end up hurting someone or causing damage somehow. And some leave an entire path of destruction behind them, with bodies strewn along their path as though some kind of cyclone had whipped through. Why people cannot just be decent to one another is beyond my comprehension. Why people cannot treat each other as they too want to be treated is beyond my comprehension. Being disappo

RiverLight

RiverLight

Taking Better Care of Myself

Now that I am feeling much better, I need to take better care of myself. I haven't gone to the dentist or doctor in two years. Ugh. And I need to quit smoking this month and start exercising more. I feel a little overwhelmed by the number of doctors appointments I must make though... my PCP, the gynecologist, getting a mammogram, plus multiple dental appointments to take care of some issues. That's why I've been dragging my heels all this time. I don't want to do them... that's the thing. And wh

RiverLight

RiverLight

Fun Zone!

Well, my fun-filled weekend turned out to be just as expected.... so much fun!!!! Topped off by an amazing concert last night - -Greensky Bluegrass. It was phenonmenal!!!! I met a super cute guy too and his friend, but the cute guy was married. :/ We hung out all night though since i couldn't locate the friends I was supposed to meet, so they adopted me, lol. It was too much fun. I am one happy camper right now, except for losing my voice, lol. I sound like Janis Joplin right now, all raspy from

RiverLight

RiverLight

Feeling Great!

Yesterday was a fabulous day and today is off to another great start. I feel amazing! I had a super fun night out dancing to a reggae band last night. I was the only one in the whole bar dancing for some strange reason, but I didn't care and wasn't shy in the least about it. The band appreciated it, and the lead singer even came off the stage to dance with me at one point. I saw a lot of good friends last night so I had some great company. Then tonight I'm off to see another reggae band, more da

RiverLight

RiverLight

Positivity in the Face of Adversity

Today is a brand new day. I am choosing the positive over the negative and am embracing positivity in the face of adversity. It really has been a s***ty few weeks starting with a car accident costing me $500, almost getting frauded out of $5200 by thieves, then losing a supposed good friend & getting treated poorly by him, then getting turned down for a job I really wanted. I've had it, but I still see the silver linings through all this crap and am thankful for them.... I still have my job,

RiverLight

RiverLight

TOTAL ASS>HOLE

This guy I've written about, that I thought I fell in love with, has proven himself to be unworthy of me. What a total dickwod. I called him tonight, and he was cold as ice, as though he could have cared less about me or about how I feel now. Just two weeks after saying he loves me, or was falling in love. So F him...  ****HIM AND THE HORSE HE RODE IN ON!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cared for him. Stupid me. Never again will I fall for someone's "charms". I was an awesome friend to him and this is what I get?

RiverLight

RiverLight

Strength ~ Survivalist

I know I am strong. I have been through hell and back and have always stood back on my feet again. I'm like the Phoenix Rising.. you can't knock me down for long, lol. I know this about myself and have full confidence I can get through it all. Just give me a glass of win.e or five under extreme stress and then the next day I will feel better, lol. Pretty much. So, I will not let life get me down... not anything. Or not for long at least. Survivalist.... here's my poem that I wrote a while bac

RiverLight

RiverLight

Downspirited

This morning I woke up and just started crying. The tears would not stop flowing. There's been too much to deal with lately, between having a car accident costing me $500, losing a friend that I valued, running into my ex Sat night & the emotional distress that followed, almost losing all of my savings to low life criminal creeps, and not hearing back on a third interview from a company. I let it all out this morning in tears, and now I just feel downspirited, low energy and practically numb

RiverLight

RiverLight

I Give Up

It's not what you may think. I give up on my friend contacting me again. I was hoping he would by now since he disappeared on me, but I think it's been a few weeks and I haven't heard from him, so I am giving up. Our friendship was short-lived, and he is yet another one lost in my life. Of course this makes me very sad, but I must let go now of any hopes and move on. I guess he was not meant to be in my life, even as just a friend. We both had said we met for a reason, and I believed there was a

RiverLight

RiverLight

Monday Blues

I really don't know how I feel, the one word I have is disappointed. I woke up feeling disappointed. There is someone who has disappeared from my life, and I am very disappointed in his behavior towards me. He seemed to think he was sparing me from additional pain, but he doesn't realize how much it hurt that he just cut off our communications and friendship. If he does come back, I don't know if I can be friends with him again. This is the second time he's done an about face and has disappeared

RiverLight

RiverLight

The Ex Factor

I ran into my ex bf tonight, the second time since we broke up. It was awful. I was out for a concert and knew he may be there. For the entire first half of the show, I was seriously distracted by his presence. Then I just got into my groove, into my dancing and the band and said F it. When I looked over at him at one point though I could see he was in pain. It made me feel bad for him since I don't feel the same way. The only thing that got to me was when they played a song that his daughter lo

RiverLight

RiverLight

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