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About this blog

My life has had so many ups and downs. I have followed the road less traveled all my life, meaning my own individual path. This is a blog about those ups and downs and being on the road less traveled. 

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Entries in this blog

Work Anxiety & Nerves

Ugh. I have so much work anxiety right now. I am in charge of getting traffic to two websites. Well, the traffic is down so far this month for both sites; it was down for one of the sites last month, too. I am working directly on many pages of each site and have made many changes at this point. For one of the sites, the decrease in traffic is explainable; we're getting more qualified traffic to the site now, but the terms we're going after have a lower search volume and are more targeted to our

RiverLight

RiverLight

Dilemma over wedding dress!

I can’t make up my mind! I’m browsing but I already own a near perfect dress for a beach wedding. All traditional styles don’t suit me. I found a few online I fell in love with, but I can’t buy it online, even with it custom made, can I?? I’m just in a dilemma and am not sure what I want!  Here's the headpiece I may wear! And the dress! 

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RiverLight

Astounding Nature

Nature and the beauty of this planet astound me. Every time I see a beautiful image, my heart swells with the greatest love and joy. It is so wonderful to be alive! I love this feeling. I love nature. It is so very healing, too. Every time I take a walk through a wooded forest blanketed with swooning trees and green moss, walking over the small rocks and tree roots, I feel at home and one with the universe. All troubles melt away. The green forest smell fills my heart and soul. This is where I b

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RiverLight

Betrayal

He promised to love me. He promised I was the only one. That is not true. It's all a lie. Everything he told me is a lie. That I made him happy, that I made him the happiest. That he was so lucky to have me. It's all a lie. I thought he wanted to marry me. I thought I was "it". I gave my all to this guy and more. He's left me bleeding and in pain. Thank you for your lies. I will find someone else far better for me, I assure you of that. 

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RiverLight

Moving Day With My Boyfriend!

So my boyfriend and I move tomorrow!!! We are SO excited. We spent last night carting belongings to the new apartment, ordered pizza delivery and had some delicious cocktails in our new place! We lit candles, dimmed the lights and had a romantic evening without any furniture in our new dining room. It was perfectly romantic in every way. We are so happy about this. I am ecstatic to be moving out of my parents' home.. finally!!!! Four years of living under their roof, and now I will have a

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RiverLight

Everyone Believes in Me, Except Me!

More about work. I talked to HR today because she could tell I was upset yesterday. I was about to burst into tears right at my desk. Well, I was candid with her and told her my weak spots. She believes in me though and so does the CEO. Everyone does, except for me. I talked with my parents today who gave me a big pep talk. There's just SO much I don't know and I feel inferior to those more junior than me, which I've written about. But I am neglecting to see that perhaps I know more than they do

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RiverLight

OMG... I think I've Met my Match!

My new man surprised me last night by showing up at the club where I was at, dancing to a Dead cover band. He arrived after his bluegrass gig, that I had to miss. We danced all night together and close. It was intimate and sexy. I really dig this guy! We've seen each other three times in just one week. We met a couple weeks ago. I don't want to get carried away with this just yet, but I think I may have met my match! I can't wait to see him again. He is very fun, he is a very positive spirit and

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RiverLight

Getting Laid Off... Again

Well, I was supposed to be laid off this week. I've had a couple conversations with the CEO who really likes me. He said it's financial. I am the highest paid in my department, with a light client load. He has no clients to give me and he has none in the pipeline. He relies on word-of-mouth only and doesn't do any inside sales (big mistake). We lost a couple huge clients, not mine, and my boss and our manager are having to rely on their own networks to obtain clients for us.  It's not perfo

RiverLight

RiverLight

On My Way Back Up

After several big disappointments with different people, I was ready to throw in the towel & give up. But good friends and therapy helped bring me back to even keel. This morning I feel MUCH better, much more like my old self and I think that I am coming out of that dark rabbit hole. My therapist enlightened me about some things that had been causing me pain through these experiences, which helped quite a lot. And my wonderful DF friends helped tremendously. Never again will I pursue any kin

RiverLight

RiverLight

Cruel Love

You took my love and tainted it You took my heart and stabbed it You took all that I gave and twisted it into something dark You made me out to be the perpetrator, when it was you You accused and blamed me, when it was you You lied and cheated on my friend Yes she still loves you and blames herself She defends you and is blinded by your so called "goodness" You think you're the nice guy on the block Well you have a thing coming to you I see reality as it is, I see who you are

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RiverLight

Goodbye and Good Riddance to Unhealthy Toxic People

I have had it; I am done. Goodbye and good riddance to all toxic people. I have taken deliberate steps in my life to avoid and remove these most poisonous and twisted types of people from my life over the last two years, and you know what? I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. That is due to many reasons, the main one being my most sweet and loving boyfriend. He's got my back and I have his, and nothing can break us apart. Another important reason is because I am taking deliberate and cons

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RiverLight

Fun Zone!

Well, my fun-filled weekend turned out to be just as expected.... so much fun!!!! Topped off by an amazing concert last night - -Greensky Bluegrass. It was phenonmenal!!!! I met a super cute guy too and his friend, but the cute guy was married. :/ We hung out all night though since i couldn't locate the friends I was supposed to meet, so they adopted me, lol. It was too much fun. I am one happy camper right now, except for losing my voice, lol. I sound like Janis Joplin right now, all raspy from

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RiverLight

May Happiness Surround You

My wish for everyone here is for healing and happiness. I am feeling so great these days and want everyone to feel good. But I know that so many here suffer from so many different kinds of issues that are not quickly or easily resolvable. However, if each day can bring just a little ray of hope or happiness somehow into people's lives, I would be happy. There is hope, after all, for better and brighter days ahead. Not all is lost.. never. There is always something to be hopeful about... whether

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RiverLight

FREEDOM!!!!

I am blessed! I danced last night and felt so free, so unburdened, like the chains of bondage have been finally broken and I am a free bird again, spreading my wings and flying high. I was ecstatic to dance again, to get out my energy, to feel my spirit again and to feel so good inside. I feel like myself again, no longer burdened and chained down by extreme jealousy and insecurity. I was being held down and held back. Now I can have my male friendships freely without worry, guilt or anxiety. I

RiverLight

RiverLight

The Boyfriend Saga Continues

After his 180-degree turnaround, my boyfriend now says in fact he still is not OK with me talking to my male DF friend, and is distancing himself from me because of it. He says that he thought he was my primary and main support, and that I no longer need him because I have other support and specifically, a male. What????? ***? How big is this guy's ego anyways? Can't I have other friends to lean on? Does he really think that he should be my only support during the day? He works and is very busy

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RiverLight

Monday Blues

I really don't know how I feel, the one word I have is disappointed. I woke up feeling disappointed. There is someone who has disappeared from my life, and I am very disappointed in his behavior towards me. He seemed to think he was sparing me from additional pain, but he doesn't realize how much it hurt that he just cut off our communications and friendship. If he does come back, I don't know if I can be friends with him again. This is the second time he's done an about face and has disappeared

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RiverLight

PTSD Rears It's Ugly Head

Why am I so afraid to disagree? Or have a confrontation? My PTSD gets ignited over the thought of either. I am afraid of my boss, I am afraid of going back to work and confronting the awful situation with her. I am afraid of disagreeing with this recruiter on his approach to my interviews. What is wrong with disagreeing anyways? And what is wrong with putting your foot down when you do disagree? I am an adult and should be able to handle disagreements at this point. I would like to diplomaticall

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RiverLight

Remnants of Abuse

His cruel words and accusations haunt me sometimes. "You belong in a straight jacket!", "You're bi-polar and totally crazy!", "Who would want you?" These still echo in my mind, even years later. His hideous words hurt me so much at the time. It doesn't help that Tony, our mutual friend, tells me exactly what M still says about me. I told him to stop telling me these things, that it doesn't help my recovery. And I am still recovering from the most horrid abusive relationship I have ever been in.

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RiverLight

Being Your Own Advocate

My company sucks. I had the so-called "mediation" meeting with HR and my boss yesterday. The extent of HR's mediation was to say "we uphold a professional and respectful work environment". So I had written out all the issues I wanted to address with my boss, only to be given no voice whatsoever in this meeting. They simply handed me a couple tasks and that was it after about five minutes. So I decided to self-advocate and wrote HR and my boss a lengthy email outlining all the issues that never w

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RiverLight

Tattoos!

I REALLY want another tattoo on my side, or on the side of my belly, along the side of my torso.. but of course my parents are protesting ad nauseum and are trying to talk me out of it. They think that tattoos "cheapen" a person, and I completely disagree. I think tattoos (most) are amazing artwork & make a person look unique and attractive. I like the sleeves on men and women, and think they're sexy! So to discourage me away from a permanent tattoo, but mom bought me a bunch of temporary

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RiverLight

Our First Christmas Together

This is my first Christmas with my fiance! How fun! We have a huge artificial tree (that looks real) that he bought and put up which I love. We have no ornaments, lol, but it's covered with bright lights. It looks amazing from the street through the window. Our cat loves to climb it though so we constantly have to keep her off.  Anyways, this season I've been feeling like a bit of a scrooge. The month-long holiday season is just too much for me to bare. I'd much rather just celebrate one da

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RiverLight

It's Darkest Before Dawn

Each day is a brand new day. A new opportunity presents itself with each and every day. Each day can be viewed as a personal rebirth of sorts.  It's a chance to start over, a chance to start anew. Put the old crap behind you, take a step forward and embrace a new life. That is how I am going to view each day and today especially. I want to put all the crap behind me now and begin fresh. It's darkest before dawn as they say... I feel this is so true in life. The sun is shining today, and I want t

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RiverLight

Sadness ~ Lost a Friend

Just learned that the bass player of our favorite local band died suddenly. He was maybe 30 years old. If it weren't for his band, me and my fiance never would have met or fallen in love. I am SO sad. I'm in shock -- we all are. The wake is Monday and the whole family of friends will be there. This is unbelievably sad. We even talked with him about playing at our wedding party. 😢

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RiverLight

Drunk with Love ~ SO happy, SO in Love

I am deliriously in love and am SO very happy. I spent the weekend with my bf, just the two of us and we had a total blast! We hung out, listened to music, talked, laughed, ate fabulous meals and stayed up rockin' it until dawn. Then this morning, he went to Starbucks for iced coffee, brought home a gorgeous bouquet of flowers for me and delicious danishes. I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend!! He is SO sweet, SO loving, SO supportive and SO endearing... he's everything I could have hoped for

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RiverLight

Stamina to Keep Going

After two great disappointments, I am wondering how I will have the stamina to keep job searching. Staples rescinded their job offer and Velcro turned me down. I was a top candidate for Velcro and lost. I feel like an olympic finalist that didn't get a medal, having worked so hard for two months at getting that job. I didn't even apply for other jobs because I was so focused on getting the Velcro job. Job searching takes so much stamina and strength. This process has been excruciating. I've been

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