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About this blog

My life has had so many ups and downs. I have followed the road less traveled all my life, meaning my own individual path. This is a blog about those ups and downs and being on the road less traveled. 

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Entries in this blog

Retaliation from my Wretched Boss?

My boss today upon my return to work tried to deny me access to two essential tools I need in order to do my job properly. She knows I need and use these tools and cut me off from having access to them while on a leave of absence. So today I had to put down my foot with her and explain that these are essential for me to perform my job. She finally granted me access. I wonder if this was a bit of retaliation against me for winning and that she is now bitter towards me because HR is watching over

RiverLight

RiverLight

When the Going Gets Tough...

So, I write on a blog - it does not rank well on Google, which is my job - my field, I mean. I am not a web designer, nor am I a web developer. I am an SEO professional. But I think I TOTALLY suck at my job, even after seven years of so-called "expertise" in the field. The thing is, SEO is really, really freaking HARD. To get a website to rank high on Google for specific terms is a HUGE TASK that takes many, many different tactics and avenues. It doesn't just happen overnight or magically - it t

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Positivity

In my interview, the VP of HR asked me where my positive attitude came from and I said my father. He is one of the most positive, forward thinking people I know and it rubbed off on me. So right now, I am trying to have a positive attitude no matter what the outcome is with this job. If I have to return to my abusive boss and awful job, it will just be temporary until I can find something else. Sure, it will be a setback and terrible disappointment for sure, and I will probably despair at the th

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RiverLight

Being in Love ~ True Love

This love is like none I've ever known. I never thought it could happen, and it came at the most unexpected time and place. Knowing now what true love really is, I know that I've never truly been in love before... until now. I've never felt so deeply loved, cherished and respected. I've never been treated with such loving kindness and loving support. I've never had anyone say the things that are being said to me.... the nicest words I've ever heard and felt in my entire life. I've never felt so

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RiverLight

Screw Him.. Screw the Asshol.es in This World

I am so done with asshol.es in my life. F them and F him. I seem to be a magnet for these types. This last one has put me over the edge, and I am just DONE with people now. He attacked me because I said something he didn't like, or really because I called him out on his poor behaviors, so he went on the attack, accusing me and going for some type of psycho babble nonsense, when in fact he's the one who abused our friendship... also saying basically that I deserve to be treated poorly.. that it's

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RiverLight

Wedding Dress!

I am going wedding dress shopping with my mother next weekend! I had one picked out, a much more casual dress, but now that I've looked in the shops a little, I may swap it out for something more dressy and elegant! I'm excited!! Here’s the one I’m considering! 

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RiverLight

Disappointed, Hurt and Disgruntled

Someone I deeply care about has let me down and I am upset. He is isolating and shutting me out and that just hurts. I feel a little heartbroken. He is not interested in a relationship with me, which is fine. I had a romantic interest in him that was growing pretty strong, and he felt the same way, or so I thought. We became very close and connected on many deeper levels, and now that's gone suddenly. Just after trying to make plans together, he suddenly did a 180 and declares he's not ready to

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RiverLight

St Lucia Honeymoon ~

So! We're getting the ball rolling for our elopement/wedding and honeymoon plans. Now we're pretty far settled on St Lucia in the Caribbean, and we're talking to a wedding planner. We're looking at the Sandals all inclusive package vacation/wedding deal, so now we just need to settle on dates and a room! We're looking into May. SO EXCITING!!!! Weird thing though -- they require that you arrive 3 business days ahead of your wedding date, OR you can pay $300 something for an express date of one bu

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RiverLight

A Down Day

For the first time in a long time, I feel really depressed today and I don't know why. My boyfriend and I had a bad night last night for the first time, but everything is totally fine now. We didn't fight, we didn't argue -- it was a misunderstanding with hurt feelings on my part. I am just far too sensitive sometimes, and I took a comment he made super personally and to heart. But right now he is at work, it's late Sat morning, I am still in my pajamas and cannot motivate to do anything that I

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RiverLight

He's Talking About Eloping

So, wedding plans, part II! We're now talking about eloping! We cannot afford a wedding, and neither one of us cares too much if we don't have one. At least I don't, and it's his second marriage, so he doesn't mind either. But now he's also talking about doing it soon, like in the next few weeks. He's already picked out our wedding rings, with my input and help, which we can afford. But I may want to wait and elope somewhere exotic, like where we will go on our honeymoon. Then again, I don't rea

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RiverLight

Messages of Light and Love From Beyond

Messages of light and love: Be compassionate with yourself and be kind to yourself. You've been through SO much in life, and you've fought many battles thus far. You are a warrior spirit -- keep fighting to make it through. And you will.   Heal your wounds through the gifts of kindness and love from others. Embrace those who care for you and those who show love for you, and give them your caring heart in return. The blessings will be manifold.   The gift of giving hel

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RiverLight

Taking Better Care of Myself

Now that I am feeling much better, I need to take better care of myself. I haven't gone to the dentist or doctor in two years. Ugh. And I need to quit smoking this month and start exercising more. I feel a little overwhelmed by the number of doctors appointments I must make though... my PCP, the gynecologist, getting a mammogram, plus multiple dental appointments to take care of some issues. That's why I've been dragging my heels all this time. I don't want to do them... that's the thing. And wh

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RiverLight

Can I Really Do This?

My confidence right now is wavering over this job. It's a big job, and the most money I will have ever been offered. Well,I haven't been offered the role yet, but I am a top candidate and things are looking really good right now. I need to ace the second interview. I am studying up on my course, which is directly applicable to the position. But since my area of specialization is within one niche of digital marketing, and this role is more all inclusive of digital marketing, I wonder can I really

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RiverLight

What IS it about me?

What the hell? I go on a different forum, and yet again, someone finds me and attacks me! I am constantly being attacked and bullied on forums. I'm not talking about DF - I'm talking about a variety of forums I have joined over the last many years. I am SO fed up with it and am wondering what the hell? All I am is myself -- I give advice, I try to help, I am honest yet compassionate. And yet, over and over again, I get targeted and attacked by toxic individuals. Wash, rinse, repeat! Is it me OR

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RiverLight

The Dalai Lama ~ My Spiritual Guide

I LOVE the Dalai Lama. He has taught me compassion, forgiveness and inner peace. He has helped to squelch my own anger and replace it with tolerance and understanding. He is my teacher, my guide, my savior at times, my spiritual guru. I am now returning to a place in my life where I want to embrace his philosophies again. Here are are few of my favorite quotes by him: “One great question underlies our experience, whether we think about it or not: what is the purpose of life? . . . From the

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RiverLight

Making the Best of a Sucky Situation

So there has been a huge disappointment, not getting the job I thought I had in the bag. And now I have to return to work to my abusive boss, as I have been writing about. Of course, I don't know whether they will accept me back or not. I have not heard back from HR yet. I've been on a mental health leave of absence for four months now. If they fired me, I could sue. But that's not the route I really wish to take. The main point being, IF they accept me back, I'm going to have to make the best o

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RiverLight

I Love My Baby!!!!

I am SO grateful. Today is a day where I feel really good and really happy. I've been stressing a lot about work lately and have focused mainly on succeeding in my job, which stresses me out. But when I step back and look at the birds eye view of my life, I am very happy and feel very fulfilled. I am starting to see positive results in my work. I am totally in love with my fiance, and we're very happy. Every day we cannot wait to see each other again. We don't like leaving each other in the morn

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RiverLight

Freaking Out

I am freaking out over work. Revenue is WAY down for two websites I changed. In Oct, revenue was up for both after the changes I made. But Nov is supposed to be their highest revenue month of the year,, and it's far down this month so far. They have a huge sale at the end of the month, which is probably why it's the greatest revenue month, but so far I am not seeing it and I am blaming myself.  I cannot take the pressure of this work anymore. To be fully responsible for a company's success

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RiverLight

Career Problems

I am having trouble in my career. I haven't worked very much in my current job for eight months now, and the lack of progress is beginning to show itself. I am limited in my role in terms of what can be implemented due to an overstretched boss, lack of resources and what I suspect is a lack of open-mindedness from the top. I've been interviewing for other roles for over a year now, facing numerous rejections and one rescinded job offer because I asked for too much in the negotiation process. I a

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RiverLight

I Feel Healthy and Strong

Life is pretty amazing. I've been through SO much in my life -- so many trials, so many challenges, and so many setbacks... a mental breakdown resulting in two hospitalizations five years ago.. several bouts of depression, months of suicidal ideation, severe anxiety, PTSD, many abusive relationships... you name it, I've been through it.  And today? I feel stronger and healthier than ever. I am celebrating. I've come a VERY long way.  On the work front, I am succeeding and am kicking bu

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RiverLight

Bully Boss

So now I have to return to work and to my abusive boss. How do I do this? Can I really do this? She is a bully boss and ignites my PTSD. She yells at me, berates me in front of my teammates, falsely accuses me and blames me. The last time she yelled at me going on a tirade against me for twenty mins straight I ended up suicidal in ER. My dad had some great words of wisdom, positive words, that I wish I had written down and could quote here.... he is such a positive thinking person. But after thi

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RiverLight

Life is Far Too Short

On the heels of my last entry, I am reflective about the shortness and fragility of life. I just lost another friend out of the blue. I've lost many people in my life to illness and/or sudden tragedy. Every time I lose someone, it makes me reflective. And I realize how precious and short life truly can be, as cliche as that is to say. We never know what's going to happen or when we may go. It could be tomorrow, it could be years from now.  Life is far too short to hold onto pettiness, grudg

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RiverLight

For Matt ~ Were You Ever Kind, Were you Always Cruel

You were almost kind, you were almost true Don't let me see that other side of you You have learned in time that you must be cruel I'll have to wait to get the best of you Poison in everything you say Don't you, don't you Wonder what difference does it make? Either way You were almost kind, you were almost true Why give away that other side of you? Happens every time so it must be true Step on a kid he'll grow up hating you Poison in every thing you say Don't yo

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RiverLight

The Endless Job Search

I feel like I've been looking for jobs my entire adult life. It has literally been the endless job search. Practically every time I've landed a job, I've wanted to leave and started looking for a new one, which means I've never had a great job in my entire life. And now, I am on the search again, with many failed attempts so far. My therapist said all I need is one, which is what I keep thinking. There just needs to be one great job that finally responds to my application positively and wants to

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RiverLight

Work Anxiety & Nerves

Ugh. I have so much work anxiety right now. I am in charge of getting traffic to two websites. Well, the traffic is down so far this month for both sites; it was down for one of the sites last month, too. I am working directly on many pages of each site and have made many changes at this point. For one of the sites, the decrease in traffic is explainable; we're getting more qualified traffic to the site now, but the terms we're going after have a lower search volume and are more targeted to our

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