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About this blog

My life has had so many ups and downs. I have followed the road less traveled all my life, meaning my own individual path. This is a blog about those ups and downs and being on the road less traveled. 

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Entries in this blog

Paradise Day 1

Here we are! It is absolutely stunning here.... wow! Having an amazing time... wedding in two days!     

RiverLight

RiverLight

Overwhelmed and Ungrounded.... Lost Without Direction

I feel lost right now, or very ungrounded. Normally, I feel pretty grounded within myself. Right now I am lost. I mean, I know pretty much what I want in a relationship and what I need, and I have a sense of where I am heading, but I am afraid that he cannot change. What is going on is making me feel very uncomfortable, and I am wondering if I have given him too many chances. The feeling is overwhelming. Plus, I have far too much going on right now and am overwhelmed generally. I am on men

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Our First Christmas Together

This is my first Christmas with my fiance! How fun! We have a huge artificial tree (that looks real) that he bought and put up which I love. We have no ornaments, lol, but it's covered with bright lights. It looks amazing from the street through the window. Our cat loves to climb it though so we constantly have to keep her off.  Anyways, this season I've been feeling like a bit of a scrooge. The month-long holiday season is just too much for me to bare. I'd much rather just celebrate one da

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Onwards and Upwards!

I am moving on. It feels good! It has now been a full week since my breakup, and I feel pretty much over it. I know I will still be processing the experience, and will probably still go through emotional upset about it, but I am feeling much better. I know I can handle this, overcome and move forward in a much healthier way. I feel empowered and enriched. I feel strong in my convictions about it. I am seeing new things each day about him that show his poor character, and I am really turned off.

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Onto Happier Things!

Our wedding is coming up! I talked to a wedding planner recently about all the details. OMG -- this is going to be opulent! We're getting the royal treatment, it's absolutely amazing and I cannot wait to get there. We're having a very special candlelit, white gloved dinner that evening, breakfast in bed with mimosas served the next morning, they're giving me gorgeous pink and yellow orchids for my wedding flowers, and so much more.  Here's the location we chose -- gazebo on the ocean! 

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On the Mend ~ Heart Healing ~ Loving Kindness

I think I am now on the mend. I ate two full meals yesterday finally and am proud of myself! Self-starvation is not healthy and that's what I've been doing to myself for two weeks now. My heart has been hurt badly, but now healing is occurring and I am feeling a bit better. Certainly not 100% after experiencing abuse for the umpteenth time, but I want to try and stop blaming myself for making a bad decision. And that's what I've doing by not eating... self punishment. I ignored the huge glaring

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RiverLight

On My Way Back Up

After several big disappointments with different people, I was ready to throw in the towel & give up. But good friends and therapy helped bring me back to even keel. This morning I feel MUCH better, much more like my old self and I think that I am coming out of that dark rabbit hole. My therapist enlightened me about some things that had been causing me pain through these experiences, which helped quite a lot. And my wonderful DF friends helped tremendously. Never again will I pursue any kin

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RiverLight

OMG... I think I've Met my Match!

My new man surprised me last night by showing up at the club where I was at, dancing to a Dead cover band. He arrived after his bluegrass gig, that I had to miss. We danced all night together and close. It was intimate and sexy. I really dig this guy! We've seen each other three times in just one week. We met a couple weeks ago. I don't want to get carried away with this just yet, but I think I may have met my match! I can't wait to see him again. He is very fun, he is a very positive spirit and

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Old Bully Boss Strikes Again ~ I Can't Win

I got laid off from one of my jobs and my boss from that position now is refusing to give me a reference. Or at least she hasn't responded to my email requesting a reference from her. She bullied me severely for a year, I reported it to HR, ended up in the hospital suicidal over it and had to take off over four months from work. Then when I returned, HR watched over my boss and was involved in every single employee interaction that occurred with my boss. So, I assume my boss is extremely resentf

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NYE Phish Concert ~ Amazing!!

WOW - those concerts were off the hook crazy insane. We had such an incredible time in NYC! Phish was at their best. The second night, NYE, they had acrobats on stage then at midnight thousands of balloons fell from the ceiling into the crowd. I haven’t seen them play this well in a long time - years! They jammed hard core. We danced all night ‘til our feet hurt.  It was a blast.  Now we’re driving home. The let down after NYE. But I’m on such a natural high from this experience that I can’

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Nothing in Particular

I have time to **** before I start work, so I felt like writing -- about nothing specific. Ken (my boyfriend) is a real trooper. He is managing the agony of his broken toe very well and far better than I ever could. He has to walk around on it all day at work too. Poor thing. I hope it heals quickly, regardless of him walking on it. We have a lot of concerts coming up this summer & very soon. We have one this Sat night where it's standing room only. I truly hope he can manage that because I

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RiverLight

New Thread ~ Spread the Positive

Hey peeps! If you are reading this, then you were attracted to the positive! I started a new thread on here in the DF Water Cooler and want to spread the word. It's called the Positivity Thread to share anything positive that happened, or anything positive that you feel like sharing really. I thought the site could use this. If it doesn't really take off no big deal, but I was thinking it may help us all out in a way. So here's the link! http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/128081-po

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RiverLight

New Apartment, Amazing Boyfriend, I'm In Love

I have been reluctant to write about my love life lately because the last time I did everything fell apart, but I must say that I am very happy right now and very content. I have a beautiful new apartment to move into with my boyfriend who is a true GEM of a guy. My last guy was amazing until I found out something that was a deal breaker for me, so I had to end it, but this one is absolutely incredible and perfect for me. He knows my past and promises he won't change on me or be someone he is no

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Nervous and Excited! Big Life Changes

I feel nervous and excited, but a lot of nervousness. I have some HUGE adjustments in my life coming up with this new job I just got. I won't start for over two weeks, but I am already anticipating some culture shock, and just shock to my system overall. I haven't worked within an office for ten years, except for some temp work I did in 2014 for two weeks. I have worked from the comfort of my own home for the majority of ten years. This job is in an office setting. That also means that I ha

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Negative People Annoy Me

Chronicly negative people really annoy me. No matter how much you try and help, they always come up with a roadblock to your positive suggestions or a negative response. I am tired of it. Generally, I am a very positive person with a positive outlook on life. Sure, I suffer from depression and anxiety, but I am a fighter and a survivor and I always believe in looking for silver linings. You can view a situation from both sides -- a positive and a negative one, like two sides of a coin. I choose

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Nearly One Year Wedding Anniversary!

Wow, I cannot believe that nearly a year has passed since I got married! In two months it will be our 1st wedding anniversary! I was remembering the other day how just ten years ago, I had packed my bags and car and drove across the country for school, and how fast time has flown since then. Time is getting faster as I get older, I swear. lol.  Well, hubby and I are doing great. We've had many challenges to contend with over the last year - financial, family, work, and life challenges - and

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My Personal Healing Journey ~

My own personal and deep inner healing journey began about four years ago while living in New Mexico. I was in a graduate school program studying holistic counseling psychology, which was an alternative healing program. Our duty in the first year was to be our own client, under the premise that you cannot be a good or effective counselor without first addressing your own issues. The curriculum centered around this principle, and all of our assignments involved a personal journey of exploration a

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My New "Pham" ~ Family

I've been spending a lot of time over the last eight months with a hippie crew that is now my "pham", ie, family. We all travel near and far to different venues to see bands we all love -- all within the relatively same genre of music. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my new pham! They are the most welcoming, open-minded, down-to-earth, non-judgemental, friendly, and loving people!!!! ❤️ I've always been a hippie/Deadhead since my teens. I've always traveled in this crowd, but now they are truly my family and I

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My Husband I Got Back Together And...

A LOT has happened in the last 2 months since I was last on here - a lot of crap happened, and my husband and I got back together when I was in a very vulnerable place in life. Back up - he had been abusive and we were on the verge of a divorce. Then I began a new job, which came with an inordinate amount of stress. My husband's father was in and out of the hospital during this time, and my husband called me, in tears, looking for support. So I supported him, despite the pending divorce. Th

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My husband cheated on me

We had had at least 100 conversations about infidelity and cheating - at least and no joke! He KNEW full well that I had been cheated on several times in the past, causing me IMMENSE PAIN and MISTRUST of men. He promised me in those 100 conversations that he "is not wired to cheat", that it's "not in his DNA to cheat", that he "never thinks of other women", that he "doesn't think of other women sexually",  and he promised he would NEVER EVER cheat on me. He also had promised that IF there were E

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My father is dying - TW

My father is ill in the hospital with an incurable terminal lung disease. His condition worsened after he got covid, from which he never truly recovered.  And now, he is on oxygen at the hospital, where he has been for over a week now. His condition is progressively getting worse and worse, and he's dying.  I have spent every day at the hospital lately, and will go after work again tonight. I have some mixed feelings because my father was neglectful of me and basically was emotionally

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My Corrupt Former Employer

I was recently laid off due to COVID. And honestly, I am relieved. I am far happier now that I am no longer dealing with such a corrupt, unhealthy and toxic company. The leadership throughout from the CEO and downwards was lacking in ethics, morality and effective leadership. I was asked to lie to my clients. I had a co-worker above me who tried to take all the credit for my hard work right in front of me while we were on a client call. My boss took credit for all my hard work and lied to t

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My Continued Work Saga

Wow, I haven't written a blog entry for months! I finally am sitting down to reflect further on my work situation, which continues to be a thorn in my side and an emotional roller coaster ride.  Last summer, my boss tried to get me fired because I threaten his job security and because I am far more successful and knowledgeable in our field than he is. I had a talk with my CEO where it was hinted I could be fired, followed by a second conversation during which I was then told I could be laid

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RiverLight

Music, Skiing and Nature are my Soul Food

So, music is my greatest passion, especially seeing live music, and second is skiing. Being close to nature is up there, too. There’s something about live music that makes me so very happy and fulfilled. I LOVE to dance. I grew up as a dancer throughout my childhood and teen years.. with ballet and modern dance. My mother is a ballet dancer/teacher. When I get lost in the music and in dancing, I feel happiest. I feel grounded within myself and at peace. I don’t even care if people are watching m

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Moving Day With My Boyfriend!

So my boyfriend and I move tomorrow!!! We are SO excited. We spent last night carting belongings to the new apartment, ordered pizza delivery and had some delicious cocktails in our new place! We lit candles, dimmed the lights and had a romantic evening without any furniture in our new dining room. It was perfectly romantic in every way. We are so happy about this. I am ecstatic to be moving out of my parents' home.. finally!!!! Four years of living under their roof, and now I will have a

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